


Auction Me Off

by Romancemesomeziam



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Daddy Liam, Deception, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Fetus Zayn, Fluff, Homophobia, M/M, Smut, Underage Sex, like 17-18, publishing house
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-04
Updated: 2014-10-29
Packaged: 2018-01-21 21:01:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 64,973
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1563917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Romancemesomeziam/pseuds/Romancemesomeziam
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Basically I saw this post and was stuck with it all day so I wrote this random AU, and I kinda like it. </p><p>http://romancemesomeziam.tumblr.com/post/84643616125/daddy-liam-is-so-hot-azra-i-cant-right-now</p><p>or</p><p>When CEO Liam meets a young Zayn and can't help but be enthralled by his amazing beauty, but there's more to their relationships than physicality.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Liam sighed for what felt like the tenth time in the last hour as he swirled the remainder of his scotch in the crystal glass. This charity event was a drag, with its overpriced food and overpriced drinks but as his accountant always said, it was good for his taxes as well as his image.

Being the CEO of a major publishing firm at the young age of 28 was a first in his domain, but the life was nothing Liam had ever desired. The money was good obviously, and being able to buy whatever he wanted was also a plus, but those were pretty much the only advantages to his position. The people that surrounded him were posh and pretentious, interested in nothing more but money and gossip. He found it difficult to fit into the shallow lifestyle and it explained why he now sat alone, at the far end of the ballroom, waiting for the time to tick by until the prime event of the night started.

The problem being, tonight was no ordinary charity event where he could drink a couple glasses and charmingly flirt his way through conversations with various elder socialites that kept trying to fix him up with their daughters. No, tonight was an auction charity, one very valuable to the future of his company. He had spent the last few weeks trying to woo the CEO of a competing publishing house into selling him his own business, and client list.

The thing being, the man was stubborn and his publishing company was his prize possession. He cared for it almost more than he did for his children, and the older man was dead set on finding the perfect buyer to take over.

Liam was certain he was the one. He had always admired the publishing house because of their morals. They respected their writers and rather than force them into publishing best sellers, they actually took interest in the quality and content that was being sent into the world. Liam wanted his company to branch out towards that. Twilight and 50 Shades of Gray were one thing, but he wanted to sell books that told a meaningful story, one of history or heartfelt passion. He was all for fantasy books as well as kinky shit but he wanted them to be exposed under a new light, something fresh and deep, beyond physicality.

Malik Books was his solution.

The only problem was that Yaser Malik proved to be hard to convince, and Liam was hoping that by showing up to his private charity auction, and buying something he viewed as worthy that maybe, the older man would give him the time of day.

He peered down at his watch, impatiently waiting for the beginning of the auction that was due any minute now. He cast a glance across the room, towards his usual waiter and signalled for another drink. Seconds later, it was placed before him was an _a_ _nything else Mr. Payne, that he casually dismissed with a shake of his head and a smile._

The first sip of the golden brown liquid provided the calming burn that Liam craved to get through the night. He smiled as an elderly women known for her romance novels sat next to him, fondly rubbing her wrinkly hand down his Armani suit. He could never pronounce her named right, so he simply took to calling her Nan, just like her grandson that often accompanied her out, but really, she was always a doll to be around. Rather unlike most people here, she usually took amusement in how pretentious people acted with their money, even if she herself, was probably one of the richest people around.

"You look ravishing as always," he mused as he helped her settle down, her jewelry embroidered purse racking across the ground. He could hear the gasps from the women behind them as they were obviously appalled by the treatment reserved for the rather priceless accessory.

"Can you hear the leeches Liam?" she mocked as she helped herself to his drink, downing it in one go as if she was 20 and not 70.

He laughed wholeheartedly, thankful for her appearance that always eased his night. As he once again signalled the waiter for a drink, Yaser appeared on stage, his booming voice calling to people's attention. A wave of silence crashed over the room as people scurried back to their tables, their auction paddles strongly in hand.

"Hello ladies and gentleman," began the older man, his presence forever a huge influence within the community. "I'm so proud to stand here tonight with you, honoured guest, for the annual Malik Book's auction charity. "

A round of applause echoed through the room as Yaser sipped his champagne flute casually.

"Tonight is a bit of a different formula, there will be the regular items for auctions but also authors and their books that are in works. If you feel that the stories are worth exploring, please encourage our next generation of writers by bidding for them and their work. But enough with the boring stuff," he laughed as he singled over the auction leader. "Please bid generously and enjoy".

Once again, a round of applause rang as the older man stepped down from the stage and towards his wife, slipping his arms around her and leaning in for a sweet kiss.

The auction started and various items were sold, for fairly good prices, an up and coming writer's fantasy story even made it to 30, 000$ before being snatched up by one of Liam's prime competitors. Yet, Liam kept observing the authors, listening deeply to their stories, their backgrounds and their ideas but nothing seemed to catch his attention.

His evident lack of bid also seemed to interest Mr. Malik who sent a few questioning gazes his way after certain items were won. Every time, Liam couldn't help but wonder if had missed his opportunity to seal the deal with the aging publisher.

"Nothing worth big and successful Green Beans publishing?" teased Nan as she stroked his forearm gently.

He shrugged, looking up at the present, refurbished historical collection that were being auctioned off.

"Nothing I crave," Liam explained.

"I want to fall in love with a story, with an item. I just need to feel more..I want a connection!" He shook his head and sighed. "I don't know, really."

Maybe this wasn't his area of expertise. His dad had always wanted him to do something more physical, not spending his days reading books and what not.  "I'm being ridiculous".

Nan smacked his chest lightly, giving him a glare. "Well since none of these are interesting, take a chance! After all, my first book was indeed only published by accident".

Liam raised an eyebrow, interested in the story but if he had learned anything from Nan, it was that she rarely spilled her secrets. "What do you suggest?"

She smirked, as if pleased with his answer. Her response almost odd upon her aged featured but perfectly fitting to her personality. "Bid on the next item until you win".

"Why?" he asked.

"Why not?" she mocked as she stood leaning against his shoulder. "You having nothing to lose my dear boy. Money will always be nothing but a commodity. Whatever the next item is, bid on it, win it and make the most of it. Take a chance, you've got little to lose."

Liam frowned as he looked up at her, searching for more, but she left him empty handed.

"I've have enough of this crap, I'm going home to soak my feet," Nan announced as she casually throttled away without a goodbye.

Liam watched her go before she was swallowed by the crowd near the bar. He turned back to focus on the auction, perplexed by the idea of a blind bid. After all, the only thing he had every done blind was a date and it had been horrible. The minute the girl learned he was somewhat successful she had all but dropped to her knees in the middle of the restaurant and offered to suck his dick.

The auction leader's loud voice brought him back to focus and before he could hear a description of the next item he stood and shouted " 100,000 dollars".

The room was instantly filled with a gasp as there was an almost synchronized turn of heads in his direction.

Liam swore under his breath, shuffling his weight to the back of his feet. Obviously, he hadn't really thought this plan through.

"Well," the auction leader responded slowly "Any other bids?"

The audience apparently was stunned to silence.

"The final item of the night, number 89 is awarded to bidder number 1034".

A slow clap evolved as Liam regained composure and smiled widely at the crowed. He glanced towards Yaser Malik's table, confused by the wide grin embedded upon the man's lips.

Within seconds, people returned to their drinks, the rising whispers around him causing him to nervously fidget with his watch. Maybe it was time to head out, he thought as he deposited his empty glass on the table and turned towards the lobby where the winners could collect their prizes.

His journey was soon halted by a strong hand upon his shoulder that forced him to swivel back towards the presence. Mr. Malik stood before him, still smiling widely.  A younger boy stood next to him with striking family resemblance between both men but the later was devilishly handsome. His raven dark hair was soft upon his forehead, a fringe delicately framing the side of his face and slightly obstructing the view into amber liquid brown eyes. Even though the boy was young, there was an edge to his jaw that made Liam want to lick its way up to his ear and whisper filthy things in it. The thick, dark frames upon his nose only added to the fantasy.

And just as Liam was about to forcefully look away, the boy looked up into his eyes before shying away, biting down into his strikingly wet bottom lip.

A long and colourful strip of profanities filled Liam's mind as he bound his focus back towards Yaser, offering a strong handshake.

"I knew there was something special about you, Liam," announced the older man, as they shook hands. "I was starting to worry when you had not bid on anything but you obviously did your research".

Liam nodded, unknowingly, completely at a lost at what he had actually bid on.

"How rude of me," continued the older man, stepping aside so the boy was in full view.

A groan almost escaped Liam's lips as he got a full view of the raven haired boy for the first time. His suit was perfectly tailored, hugging him in all the right places. He was small but there was a sturdiness to his build, one that once against lent itself perfectly to the growing images in Liam's mind.

 _He can't be more than 16 you pervert_ , he thought to himself as he hurriedly shook the boy's hand. It was small in comparison to his but callous along the pad of his fingers, as if overly used.

"This is my son, Zayn," Yaser announced with pride. "I can't wait to see what you do with him!"

"Excuse me?" Liam blurted out before he could stop himself.

"Oh right you didn't actually know that, Zayn only goes by his first name when trying to get published because he doesn't want people to be bias," explained the older man, while his son rolled his eyes theatrically behind him.

"Daddd," the younger boy whined.

"Yes, yes I know. I'm embarrassing you," laughed Yaser as he ruffled his son's hair. The gesture earned him a blazing glare from the raven haired boy who quickly tried to arrange his hair once more.

The head of Malik Books turned towards him once more. "Call me on Monday morning Liam, and we can arrange the paper work for the company transfer."

Instantly, relief flooded Liam, he had finally done it. "You won't be disappointed Mr. Malik, I can guarantee it".

"I know I won't," assured the older man. "I'll leave you two to get acquainted. I look forward to reading what you two can produce together".

The man retreat immediately and Liam couldn't help the fact that he barely noticed. He was completely astounded by the fact that he had not only finalized one of the biggest publishing merges of all times but also by the stunningly hot boy that was now starring at him, eyes filled with too many promises.

There was a discernible amount of tension between both men as they stood facing each other, unsure how to approach the situation.

The younger boy broke through the awkwardness first. "I've read a lot about you Mr. Payne, it's quite impressive what you've accomplished. I must say I'm excited to start working under you."

A sudden flare of lust stabbed through Liam's entire body at the younger boy's words. He wasn't sure what had the most affect, the "Mr. Payne" or the thought of Zayn "working" under him, hopefully naked and panting.

"I'm sure we'll come to interesting conclusions," tried to assure Liam as he handed over one of his card to the smaller man.

Zayn reached towards him to get it, letting his fingers gently slide along Liam's hand.

The entire process had Liam reciting "Hail Mary" in his mind as he tried thinking about dead cats and trigonometry.

"If you'll excuse me," he said through closed lips, edging away from the boy's fiery touch. "I need to go, but contact me when you get a minute".

He looked up, almost mesmerizing by Zayn's stunning features before compelling himself to leave without looking back. But as he finally walked out into the rainy night, he was haunted by the look that the younger boy had given him. His eyes had been knowing, almost inviting and Liam had to repeat to himself constantly that whatever had erupted in his fantasy would surely have to stay there.

 

____________________________________________________________________________

 

Monday morning came swiftly around and Liam desperately focused on everything else but the handsome boy with the amber eyes that was persistently forcing his way into his mind.

He came into the office early, reading over a few original pieces that were set to be published by the end of the week. He signed the papers that were to be sent to Mr. Malik by noon and arranged for their delivery.

He then settled into his brown leather fainting couch with a few copies of books his assistant wanted him to look at and finally started to relax. After a few chapters of the second proposal, he loosened his tie and combed his fingers through his hair. Glancing over at the clock he realized it was already noon, and the office was mostly empty by now.

Liam closed his eyes and tried to calm the slowly building headache that was pushing at the back of his mind. _Why is food so far_ he through lazily as he shifted, settling the book down beside him. He was slowly starting to drift into slumber when a voice startled him.

"Sleeping on the job I see," the familiar hushed tone mocked. "I'll have to tell my dad to rethink his latest business deal".

Liam instantly shot to his feet, eyes wide as he tried to smooth out his most likely disheveled appearance.

The younger Malik stood in his doorway, casually leaning against the frame. Unlike the last time they had seen each other, Zayn was now dressed in dark jeans and a marvel comic t-shirt. A dark burgundy hoodie was slung over his shoulder, the color playing off the blush in his cheeks, most probably from the cold. He looked even hotter than last time, which had Liam clenching his fists unconsciously.

"I wasn't expecting you," he said, trying to regain control of the situation. He hated being surprised.

Zayn didn't answer, only smiled and approached him. Liam retreated back, trying to put distance between them. He stood behind his desk and the younger boy stopped a few feet before him, fingers lingering upon the polished wood of his desk.

"Can I help you with anything?" Liam tried again, sitting in his chair and grabbing a random pen to twirl in his hand. He needed a distraction, before he did something he would no doubt regret.

Zayn shook his head, as he sat on the edge of Liam's desk. "Just wanted to see where it is you worked. I've seen you around my dad's business plenty but, this is different. It says a lot about you."

Liam hummed, not entirely sure how to respond, he was entirely too focused by the leather cuff bracelet that adorned the younger boys wrist. It almost looks like a sex bracelet used for restraining, and didn't that just make his dick even more interested in the situation.

"Feel free to look around," he said as he stood and headed towards the filing cabinet at the far end of the room. He pretended to shuffle around, as if looking for a file before his cell phone went off.

"This is Liam," he answered immediately, thankful for the interruption.

On the other line was his maid, speaking in broken sentences and sobs. "I'm sorry Mr. Payne, I opened the d-door. He usually stays. But today, he ran. Oh Mr. Payne, I'm sorry."

"June, calm down its ok. I'll be home in a few minutes," he said smoothly. Hanging up the phone before grabbing his jacket from his chair, Liam only then realized that Zayn now stood a little stunned and awkwardly in the middle of his office. All signs of the confident young man from minutes ago seemed to have faded, as Zayn was back to vigorously biting his bottom lip nervously.

Liam felt in control once again. He liked that.

"Got anywhere to be?" he asked as he picked his brief case off the ground and stuffed the files he needed into it.

"Um..no. Not really," stammered the younger boy and he shifted away from Liam, towards the door.

"Good, you're coming with me."

"I'm what?" Zayn responded but even though the hesitation in his voice was evident, he followed Liam closely.

"My dog ran away, I need to find him. You can help and tell me about your book," answered Liam as they entered the elevator, the doors dinging shut behind them.

The only reply he got from the raven haired boy was a quick nod, pursued by more lip biting.

Goddamn it thought Liam, shifting his gaze towards the stainless steel door before him. The fumbling boy and the passing cockiness in Zayn was a definite turn on. It made Liam's instincts roar with desire and although he was known to be an all around nice guy, he wasn't good at not getting what he wanted.

_________________________________________________________________________________

 

"Is it because of the Avengers?"

Liam looked back towards Zayn who was searching the woods behind his property with him to find Loki. They had been out here for the past 20 minutes, with no avail. The ride back to his place had been once again filled with tension. The younger boy was fidgety, as he played with his phone the entire way. A few times, Liam had felt Zayn's eyes settle on his profile, as if studying him. One time, the persistent looking was followed by lip licking which almost caused Liam to pull over and grab the front of Zayn's shirt to kiss him stupid. But he had resisted the urge, tightening his hold on the steering wheel and pressing the gas pedal a little further down.

He focused his attention on the fumbling boy, as he noted that nature walking was obviously not his thing. Zayn had fallen down a few times and scrapped his arm in the process but refused to have Liam look at it.

"Yeah," Liam answered in order to appear as though he was paying attention to their distant conversation rather than eye fucking the younger boy. "After reading countless depression novels, a guy needs a bit of light reading".

Zayn seemed to consider his answer for a few seconds before calling out Loki's name a few more times. Nothing could be heard but the whistling of the wind shuffling the leaves around the deserted forest.

Liam pushed deeper into the forest, trying to see if he could find any tracks, but Loki was a fairly small dog, his weight wasn't important enough to allow his prints to be embedded in the wet soil.

"Why the villain though?" he heard Zayn call back.

Liam turned to see the younger boy stumble on an above ground root before leaning on a nearby tree for support. The boy was a mess, far from his usual habitat and didn't that just stir protective instincts deep inside Liam's caveman personality.

"The villain isn't always the bad guy, Zayn. There's more to their story. Often times their characterization is the best in a story line because you need to lay out something that is dramatic yet entertaining without giving away their entire reasoning until the very end. They encompass everything I love about reading. Villains are magical really" .

Zayn looked at him, his smile wide and bright. As he was about to speak a bundle of black and white fur sprung from behind him, barking loudly and trying to jump into the younger boy's arms.

"Loki, babe," called Liam glad that his dog had finally found his way back. The dog turned immediately at the sound of his voice and came bolting in his direction, leaping into his arms as he cradled them to his chest. "How about we head home, naughty boy".

The little Alaskan Klee Kai yelped as it rubbed its face into his chest. Liam looked back towards Zayn and they both made their way back to the house.

....

Once Loki was settled back into his own little bed by the fireplace, Liam and Zayn headed to the kitchen where Liam arranged some tea for both of them.

The younger boy had been silent for the last few minutes, his eyes once again lingering on Liam which only set his body ablaze. He concentrated on pouring some milk into his tea when he heard Zayn speak.

"What d'you say?" he asked as he offered the smaller man the warm mug.

The raven haired boy accepted the tea with a shy smirk, and took a sip before casting his eyes down to the floor. "I'm 18," Zayn mumbled, barely audibly.

"Repeat that," Liam requested, even though he had perfectly heard what the other man had said. He wanted a confirmation though, because the fact that Zayn was mentioning his age sounded more like an invitation than a statement.

Zayn huffed as he sipped his tea, but then set it aside on the marble counter. "I'm 18," the boy repeated.

"Is that so," all but purred Liam, the raw desire in his voice so thick it could probably have fogged the windows.

He cast his own mug aside as he stepped towards Zayn, crowding him against the side of the counter. The younger boy shied away and into the hard surface behind him as if suddenly regretting his decision. His eyes stayed glue to the marble floor, tracing the patterns and swirls.

Liam took a final step towards the smaller boy, settling each hand on either side of Zayn's hips. They were practically touching, their entire bodies aligned, as Liam leaned in and breathed across the younger boy's neck.

"Why is it so important for me to know that's your age, Zayn?" he demanded, punctuating his question with a not so accidental sweep of his lips across the shell of the boy's ear. He felt the boy beneath him shudder at the touch, a gasp escaping his lips.

"Do you want something?" he continued, yet making sure he didn't touch the younger man unless that was truly what he wanted. He craved this, the attention and the innocence but he wasn't about to take it unwillingly.

A renewed vigour seemed to posses Zayn as he rolled his hips, all but rubbing himself against Liam. "Don't be a tease".

The older man leaned forward, pushing his body tightly against Zayn's and into the counter. "Say it," Liam growled, his hand coming up to grip the boy's hip.

"You," he heard the boy whisper. "Want you". And that's all it took for Liam to surge forward, his lips falling upon Zayn's in a flash as their bodies collided together. He felt the smaller boy sag against him as he whimpered into the kiss which only spurred Liam further. He wanted Zayn to beg him for more, to crave his lips and his body.

He wrapped his arm around the boy's waist, pulling away from the kiss. Rubbing his stubble along Zayn's smooth skin, he whispered into his ear. "You taste fucking sinful, baby".

Another whimper died on Zayn's tongue as he turned his face into Liam's body, kissing down his neck and sucking love bites along the way.

Liam fisted his hand in the boy's hair and pulled down a little to get better access to the other's mouth, eliciting a gasped that he soon swallowed hungrily as he leaned down for another kiss. He reached down, running his hand along Zayn's small, yet hard body. He was about to reach the boy's belt when he felt a leg wrap around his own. He took that as a fair indication before sliding down both of his hands over Zayn's ass, groping him roughly before hoisting him up into the air. As it accustomed to the movement, the younger boy immediately wrapped his legs firmly around Liam, their lips never once parting as they both desperately tasted each other.

Clumsily and mostly blind, Liam tried to make his way towards the living room but ended up slamming Zayn into the wall in the hallway as he tripped over one of Loki's toys.

Other than a startled fuck muttered against his lips, the smaller boy barely seemed to respond to the hard pressure against his back. On the contrary, the momentum only seemed to fire him on as he rolled his hips into Liam's, his nails digging in the flesh of his back.

The need and desire grew between both men as their rough kissing assault continued, leading Liam to lick down Zayn's neck before quickly striking forward, biting down with the sudden urge to mark this boy. Zayn was perfect, withering in his arms, making the most delicious little noises and Liam never wanted this to end.

But the bite didn't have the reaction he expected such as a warm gasp or muttered swear, but rather caused a loud.."Daddy" to escape the boy's swollen lips.

The instant the word hung in the air, both men froze in place. Liam could almost feel Zayn recoil, obviously embarrassed by his own reaction but there was no way Liam was allowing this to stop his ministration.

Liam pulled away slightly, leaning Zayn's weight fully against the wall, keeping only one arm around his waist so he could reach up and tilt the boy's face towards his, now that it was bent down, as if in shame. His gaze met those beautiful liquid amber eyes and he leaned forward biting down on the younger boy's lower lip before pulling away once more.

"I'm going to fucking ruin you," he groaned as he leaned in for another kiss, which Zayn seemed eager to participate in. Liam could feel the smaller boy's erection pressing into his hip which caused him to trust roughly up into the other man's body, seeking pressure against his own throbbing length.

"Do you want daddy to fuck you raw?" he whispered against the raven haired boy's lips, clinging to the unique taste of chocolate and smoke that were now embedded in his mind.

The groan/whimper that Zayn let out was an answer in itself, but the "please" that came out as a whine that followed only added fuel to the already burning blaze.

This was worth so much more than a hundred grand Liam thought as he pulled them away from the wall and towards his room. This boy was priceless.


	2. Chapter 2

The late evening sun filtered through the thin sheer of the bedroom curtains, casting a warm shine upon Liam's skin. He could feel a comfortable ache in his muscle as he stretched out his arms sleepily, a groan escaping his lips. The house was silent, bathing in the emerging darkness of the upcoming night. He rolled onto his side, reaching out for another pillow to prop his head onto but his hand came in contact with deliciously smooth skin.

His eyes popped open instantaneously, and he came face to face with Zayn's sleeping form. The younger boy was still sleeping, his face softly cushioned in the white pillow he was hugging. In the soft glow of the sunset and without his glasses, he looked even younger than before, but that didn't stop the growing desire in Liam to blossom.

He cast his eyes across the boy's sleeping form next to him. Zayn was settled on his stomach, both hands under a pillow which allowed Liam a full view in order to admire the tan skin and the curve of his ass, but mostly the finger print bruises that were scattered across the tone body. The marks only made Liam want to add some more bruises, and maybe a few well place bite marks too that would scream ownership if anyone else tried to touch the younger boy.

Liam reached out, skimming his finger down the boy's bony shoulder, following the curve of his spine before settling his hand at the small of Zayn's back. He could see the effect his touch elicited as Zayn shivered and his breathing quickly became shallow. But the younger boy was still asleep, cuddling further into the pillow, yet pushing his ass out more, grinding into the mattress, as if begging for Liam's touch.

And just as Liam was about to lean in and ghost his lips across the smaller boys flawless skin, he heard a loud commotion coming from downstairs, startling him frozen. He pulled away quickly, surprised that Zayn still lay asleep, completely undisturbed by the loud noise but he quickly rushed out the room and down the stairs to check what was happening.

He walked down the hallway cautiously, towards the now ruffling sound, only to realize he was stark naked. _That would be an awkward confrontation with a robber_ he thought, just as he turned the corner and into the kitchen.

All he found however, was Loki standing on the kitchen counter, munching on an apple that came from the fruit basket. One of last night's cup of tea however was now scattered, broken on the marble floor.

"Loki!" Liam exhaled, exasperated. "You're a little menace, you know that!"

He stepped closer, carefully stepping around the shards of porcelain littering his kitchen floor. He grabbed the little dog under his belly before cuddling him to his chest. Leaning in to kiss the top of his fury head, Liam ran his hand over the dog's fur inspecting for any injuries.

"You're going to hurt yourself one of these days," he whispered in the pup's ear as he brought him into the living room. "And daddy is going to be really sad."

The dog barked, as if sorry for his actions, before licking Liam's forearm. The man couldn't help but smile, completely whipped by his little fury friend. He placed him down gently onto the black leather couch, on his blanket, especially placed for him before turning on the TV to some kids channel, Loki's favourite.

Once the little ball of fur seemed to have happily settled into the plump couch, Liam headed to the laundry room, grabbing a pair of black boxer briefs before going back to the kitchen to mop up the mess. When the floor was no longer covered by the cold beverage he grabbed a nearby broom, sweeping up the pieces of the broken mug. He heard some light ruffling behind him, and turned quickly, ready to stop Loki from coming in further where he could cut himself on the shards.

In the doorway however stood, not his dog, but Zayn's with a soft smile, wearing nothing but a pair of boxer brief and Liam's button down from the morning that was evidently too big for his smaller figure. Zayn was simply exquisite, his head leaning casually against the door frame, his dark frames once again placed on his nose, erasing some of the traces left behind by the pillow. There was a bruise visible at the very edge of the boy's thigh, right where the boxers wrapped around his toned leg.

Liam barely heard the "hi" that Zayn mumbled, because he was too fixated on the growing budge in the boy's boxer shorts that seemed to enlarge as Zayn's eyes racked over Liam's body. He wasn't usually one to show off, but he was proud of his body. Years spent in the gym, boxing his frustrations had paid off and he had a nice six pack to prove it. A few pieces of ink littered his forearms, drunken university bets, and others reminders of troubled times. He briefly wondered what his name would look like inked permanently in the boy's olive skin, but the thought was soon forgotten as Zayn stepped forward, running a hand over his shoulder and down his arm.

"Everything ok?" asked Zayn as he cast a glance down at the mess that Liam had yet to finish picking up.

There was a good height difference between them, causing Liam to bend his head down to nuzzle his face into Zayn's smooth neck, as he wrapped his arms around the boy's slim waist.

"Nothing you need to worry about, babe," he assured, allowing one of his hands to drift down over the cleft of Zayn's ass, granting himself the pleasure of pushing in a finger slightly. The whimper that it drew out went directly to his groin, flooding him with the urge to bend Zayn over the kitchen counter and fuck him all over again.

"Are you still sore?" Liam inquired, remembering how long it had taken to prep the younger boy before fucking him senseless.

He felt the answer more than he heard it, as Zayn tried hiding his face in embarrassment in his chest. The voice resonated through Liam and he felt a protective wave crash on him, tightening his hold on the smaller boy's waist.

He needed to slow things down, as much as he enjoyed the sex, the last thing he wanted was to make Zayn feel like he was being used.

"How about some food?" he offered, pulling away slightly to tip the raven boy's chin up so he could look into his eyes. "Let me take care of you, yeah?"

Again Zayn didn't respond, only nodded as he licked his lips, before adjusting his glasses that were sliding down his nose.

 _Damn_ thought Liam, as he allowed the boy to slip out of his grasp and disappear down the hallway, surely to join Loki in the living room. The more time he spent with Zayn the less he seemed to be able to figure him out. The boy was obviously shy, over thinking almost everything he did, seconds after he'd done it. But sometimes, there seemed to be flares of confidence in the younger man, which twisted Liam's gut with lustful desire.

Maybe he should feel bad about this whole thing. Fucking a kid that he was basically suppose to mentor and help publish his book, but truthfully, he didn't give a fuck. Zayn was the one that had technically initiated this and he wasn't about to question that. Plus, it had been a while since Liam had taken interest in anyone. A few causal fucks here and there but he barely found anyone that just sparked his imagination like this boy could.

Zayn was a bit like a blank slate that was looking for direction and perspective, and Liam kind of wanted to be the person to give him that, physically mostly. Yet, he had to admit that there was an interesting factor to the way in which the younger boy's mind seemed to work. He was a constant book of questions, asking random thought one after another, even after the sex, he had thought it important to ask Liam why his duvet was Royal Blue.

"Reminds me of the ocean," he had whispered into the boy's neck, licking along it until he could nibble at his ear.

Zayn had then admitted to him, he had never learned to swim, and for some random reason, Liam had promised to teach him. "Daddy will show you," he had said which had caused the younger boy to groan and push him in the mattress before straddling his hips. The surprise that it had elicited however had in no way slow down the rhythm of their actions, as they had quickly moved to round 3.

Now, Liam stood half naked in his kitchen, in the middle of broken porcelain, with half a hard on and filthy fantasies filling his mind. He had plenty of work to do, and surely Monica, his assistant would kick his ass in the morning if he didn't do it, but really all he wanted was to eat some greasy food as he left oily patterns upon Zayn's skin.

 _Good plan_ he thought as he reached out for the menu to a local pizza place. He rapidly found a phone lying by and placed an order for a few medium sized pizza. He didn't actually know what the boy liked and so, ordering more than not enough could certainly not hurt.

By the time the food arrived, Liam had managed to finish cleaning the kitchen before pulling on a pair of jogger. As he made his way to the front door to get the pizza, he checked on Zayn that was sleepily curled in on the couch, holding Loki in his arms. The sight made his heart clenched uncontrollably, but he dismissed the feeling as the door bell rang once more.

Liam paid the delivery boy a hefty surplus to apologize for the wait before heading into the living room, the 5 boxes of pizza stacked in his arms. As he walked through the door, Zayn's head twisted in his direction an amused glimmer in his eyes.

Loki was nowhere to be seen, but the curtains had been drawn closed, telling Liam that Zayn definitely had something in mind.

"I'm starved," said the boy, reaching out to help Liam settle the boxes on the small table in the middle of the room. "but why so many?"

Embarrassed by the fact that he wanted to please Zayn, Liam shrugged and played it off casually. "I like variety," he tried, as he grabbed a piece of meat lover's pizza, taking a bite and offering it to Zayn.

The younger boy shied away, shaking his head. "I can't eat that," he explained. "I'm Muslim".

"Right!" Liam's brain went a wire for a minute. How the fuck could I forget that he thought, as he shuffled the boxes around. He'd had countless dinners and meetings with the man's father, obviously Zayn would have the same dietary restrictions as his father.

"This one is half margarita, half vegetarian," he said quickly, "And this one is four cheeses".

Immediately there was a change in Zayn's demeanour, as if amazed that someone had thought of him and considered his religion. And even though Liam had done so, somewhat without consideration, he was complete content when the younger boy grabbed a piece of the four cheese pizza and wolfed it down in a few bites.

They ate in silence, leaning back against the couch, watching an old Spiderman movie. It was strangely domestic, and Liam couldn't deny that when Zayn leaned into his side, his arm wrapped around the boy's shoulders instantly, without thought or regards for its meaning.

Zayn's small hand now lay on Liam's stomach, tracing the lines of his abdomen continuously, as if enthralled by the pattern of the hard muscle.

"We smell like a frat house," Zayn finally announced as he shuffled even closer, rubbing his cheek into the hair on Liam's chest.

Liam frowned as he looked down at Zayn, bringing his hand up to comb through the raven locks. "Beer and vomit?" he questioned.

The small laugh that left the smaller boy's lips rumbled through Liam's entire body, making him tighten his hold on Zayn's waist.

"No, silly man," the younger boy laughed. "Sex and pizza".

Liam grunted his agreement, before giving a little kick to one of the empty pizza box that now cluttered the floor before them. "I've had quite enough pizza," he moaned as he placed his hand over Zayn's, running his fingers higher up, and over the boy's arm.

A bubbling laughter resonated through the room as the younger lad leaned up, his face now inches from Liam's, their lips ghosting near one another. "Are you flirting with me, Mr. Payne?" the boy said with a look of mock astonishment on his face.

"Definitely," Liam answered as he pulled Zayn roughly against him, gripping his hips and forcing him to straddle his thighs. The smaller boy let out a surprised cry but quickly settled into the new position, his hands coming to rest gently on Liam's chest.

"How about a shower?" Zayn proposed.

Liam seemed to consider the option for a minute before allowing his hand to run up the smaller man's back, under the borrowed button up.  "How about a kiss?" he countered with a wink.

And Zayn obliged immediately leaning down to press their lips together. Within seconds it became heavier than Liam intended, as the smaller boy seemed to be on the hunt for more. He rocked his hips forward, crashing into Liam, and causing the older man's dick to swell with interest. Zayn took that as an invitation, biting down on Liam's bottom lip and pulling away slightly.

"How about we continue this in the shower?" moaned the boy, still grinding down sinfully into Liam's lap.

Unable to hide his enthusiasm, Liam countered the younger boy's hip thrust, punctuating his actions with a _fuck yeah_.

They kissed for a few more seconds, groaning desperately and when Liam could feel Zayn's hand travel down his body and over his dick, he reached down to encircle the boy's wrist. "How about you head upstairs and strip for me, baby. I'll just take care of a few things down here and meet you, yeah?".

Zayn already looked completely fucked out. His disheveled hair stood in every which direction, his pupils shot wide, dilated form lust and desire. There was a growing flush to his cheeks that only made Liam more eager to capture the whimpers the boy let out while he was fucking him. He leaned in once more, pressing a quick peck to Zayn's lip before urging him up.

The younger lad seemed to follow directions, standing wobbly, but Liam stabilized him easily, with an arm around his waist as he too, stood.

"I want you," breathed Zayn against his chest. His lips tickling against the top of Liam's chest. For some reason, the height difference between both men was more apparent now, as Liam enveloped the boy in his arms, inhaling the delicious mix of their aromas.

"I'll give you whatever you want, babe. Just gonna lock up and feed Loki and then I'm yours." he assured, rubbing his hand over the knob's of Zayn's spine.

The younger boy nodded, pulling away from the embrace. His glasses were titled sideways from the close contact and there were obvious smudges in the edges. Liam smiled easily as he started easing Zayn out the room, guiding him with a hand on his lower back. As they arrived at the bottom of the stairs, he gave a little slap to Zayn's ass. "Go on," he growled as the boy turned back to look at him. The look in his brown eyes, promising of sinful things. "Want you naked and in the shower when I get upstairs, we clear?" he pressed on, as he watched Zayn walk up the stairs.

But Liam wasn't prepared for the "Yes, Sir" that the boy moaned out before disappearing down the hallway. Heat bloomed in his veins, setting him on fire and it took every ounce of self control he had not to rush up after Zayn and fuck him immediately where he found him.

 _You're 28 Liam, have a little dignity_ , he muttered to himself as he forcefully walked away, back towards the kitchen to dish out some dog food for Loki.

His round of the house however was done in record time and within minutes he was jogging up the stairs, two at a time to find the raven haired beauty he was madly craving.

He was satisfied to hear the running water coming from his ensuite bathroom. Quickly, he rid himself of his joggers and boxers before stepping into the heavily fogged up room. He could barely see a thing, so blindly, he stepped through the room, reaching the glass door that he slide back to enter the confines of the grand shower.

Zayn was under the cascading waterfall, his headed tilted back as water ran down the curve of his body, making Liam lick his lips. As he clicked the glass slider behind him, the smaller boy's head turned in his direction, a gentle smile forming itself upon his features.

"You have a freaking skylight in your shower," Zayn stated, looking up to the high window embedded in the ceiling of the shower, the stars outside casting down a silky white glow.

Liam shrugged, non committed. The feature had already been in place when he'd bought the house last year but he had to admit he loved watching the stars while showered sometimes, even sang along to the radio. But right this minute, he couldn't care less about the skylight, all he wanted was to devour Zayn, to fill him up and make him beg. He was starved. Starved for the feelings he could only find when the younger boy's nails were deeply embedded in his back.

Like a tiger ready for the kill, Liam zeroed in on Zayn, advancing towards him and backing him into the corner of the shower. The boy swallowed audibly, pressing both his hands to Liam's chest lightly, as if seeking some form of control. Yet, deep down, Liam knew that was not what Zayn wanted. He moaned the loudest when Liam pounded him restlessly, or when he was ordered into submission. Subconsciously, the boy wanted nothing more but to lose control, to be manhandled and practically owned. Liam was happy to comply.

Nonetheless, seeing Zayn without his glasses reminded Liam just how young the boy really was, so rather than full on attack his lips, Liam eased his way down. He started slowly, running his lips across the swoop of the smaller man's neck, up to his ear where he purposely allowed his breath to quicken, trying to encourage the confident lad that hid inside Zayn.

And if anything, it seemed to help, as the boy slipped his hand that was resting in the middle of Liam's back up and into his hair, tugging lightly, wordlessly begging to be kissed. Liam obliged, tilting his chin down to be able to reach Zayn's lips. And the minute their mouths touched, a new tension filled the room. This kiss was different from any they had shared before, even earlier when things had been quite heated. For the first time, Zayn appeared to be melting into Liam's touch, holding on to him for dear life as if he needed everything the older man could give him in order to survive. The boy was hungry for this, for Liam's touch and that was exactly where Liam wanted him.

"Turn around," he groaned into the boy's mouth as he settled a hand on his hip, easing him so he was facing the glass.

At first, Zayn seemed reluctant, his eyes searching out Liam's as if seeking reassurance. The minute they met, the boy was back to smiling mischievously. He turned, raising both hands above his head to press against the glass, while curving his back to accentuate the curve of his body.

 _The sight was unholy really_ , thought Liam as he reached down and slid his hand over Zayn's ass.

"Do you even know what you do to me?" he asked the younger boy, not really expecting an answer other than the moan that got lost in the heavy steam of the shower.

Stepping closer, Liam nudged Zayn's legs further apart, one hand wrapping around the boy's waist and sliding down to stroke his dick, the other going up to Zayn's mouth.

"Suck on my fingers, baby," he order and Zayn complied, immediately opening his mouth and sucking hungrily on the digits.

When satisfied, Liam pulled out his fingers and stopped his ministration on the younger boy's erection. The lost was followed by a piercing whine but swiftly muffled by a moan as Liam proceeded to enter Zayn with one finger. The smaller boy rapidly started to move against the intrusion, rocking his body for more. Liam followed through, adding another finger and then a third when Zayn began to whimper increasingly.

"Please, need you" cried out Zayn after a few minutes, his hips starting to buck into Liam's touch.

Liam nodded, more to himself than to Zayn as he pulled his finger out and reached for the waterproof lube he kept in the shower. He rarely had time for this sort of thing and usually when he did, it was in the shower, but for once he was getting to use the stuff with someone else, rather than himself.

Coating himself probably more than necessary, he pumped his dick a few more times before pressing the tip of his dick against Zayn's entrance. He felt the boy shiver in his arms as he press forth, inch by inch, until he bottomed out, stopping himself from snapping his hips into Zayn like he desperately wanted to.

That was apparently not what the raven haired boy wanted however, because he immediately started to push back into Liam, groaning loudly. "Please, just fuck me," Zayn managed to whimper in between shallow breaths, his head hanging loosely before him.

And so, Liam did just that, digging his fingers into the boy's hips, enough to leave another collection of prints in the morning and thrust into Zayn deeply. The movement was accompanied by a string of obscenities, tumbling from the boy's lips which only further encouraged Liam. He joined their bodies over and over again, loving the feel of his groin pressed into Zayn's ass, his chest to his back. When he felt as though he was about to lose himself, he slowed his rhythm, eliciting an exasperated sigh from Zayn who tried to fuck himself back onto him but he stopped that from happening. He forced the younger boy to enjoy the slow pace, surely building into a stronger climax.

Trying to ease the broken sobs Zayn was wrestling out with every stroke, Liam leaned into the boy's body. He rested his forehead in between the smaller boy's shoulder blades, running his hands along Zayn's arms up to his clenched fist, pressed against the glass. Prying them apart, Liam brought his lips to the younger boys neck, kissing along it as he linked their fingers together.

Instantaneously, Zayn's head fell back against his own shoulder, as if no longer having the strength to hold it up.  

"You feel perfect," sighed Liam as he started to increase his rhythm once more, the pressure building in his groin becoming unbearable.

"Please Leeyum," said the smaller boy, dragging out the name when Liam hit the perfect place inside of him over and over again.

Pleased, Liam repeated his thrust a few more times, before fisting Zayn's hair and twisting the boy's face towards his. "What do you say, baby?".

Rather than answering, Zayn sought out Liam's lips, colliding his own with them in a breathless kiss. "Please, Daddy," he finally whimpered, his head lolling to the side, completely exhausted.

And just as Liam was about to comply, to give Zayn the hand he needed to reach completion, the boy's body jerked, hips bucking forward as he came on his own. A surprised yet pleasured  _fuck_ forced its way into the air as Zayn all but sagged forward into the glass, his orgasm too strong for him to stay standing.

There sheer amazement of seeing Zayn come without being helped pushed Liam off the edge and into his own orgasm. He kept thrusting deeply into the boy's willing body, biting down into the smooth skin of Zayn's neck, as his own body convulsed with pleasure. They rested together, time ticking by slowly as they regained composure. Unwillingly, Liam pulled out, feeling the grunt Zayn let out vibrate through his body.

Absolutely sated and drained, Liam turned Zayn's limp body in his arms, pressing his back up against the glass to keep them both vertical.

The boy's pupils were completely dilated but the soft smile etched into his perfect features was the only reassurance Liam needed to confirm that he hadn't crossed a line.  

"How does a warm, cozy bed sound, babe?" he asked as he ghosted his lips along the other's collarbone. He admired the traces he had left behind, prints and teeth mark that sparked the possessive bastard in him.

"Like heaven," whispered Zayn, his voice already laced with sleep, as the boy could barely keep himself up.

Amused, Liam picked the boy up, Zayn's leg instantly wrapping around his waist. He made his way out of the shower, setting the younger boy's wet form on the counter before proceeding to dry him with a plush white towel.

Zayn moved with submission, offering arm after arm as warm eyes followed Liam's every movement.

"Thank you," quietly said the boy, his arms reaching out to once again wrap around Liam's neck as he pulled him into his body, carrying Zayn to bed. As he laid him down, Zayn sighed contently, stretching out in the king size bed. His olive skin was flushed but the contrast it created against the royal blue sheets was beautiful.

 _Beautiful_ , thought Liam, _that's not a word you use to describe a causal fuck_. Annoyed with himself, and his own reaction he settled next to Zayn, but as soon as he was horizontal, the boy turned into his body, hand spanning over his abdomen and head pillowed on his shoulder. And even if Liam knew he shouldn't allow it, he stayed unmoving, listening to the boy's breathing becoming slower and slower as he drifted into slumber. Maybe Liam was going to end up getting more than he had bargained for. Maybe this blind bid at the auction had royally fucked him over.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I edited some of this, I'm sorry for the mistakes!!!!

On Tuesday morning, Liam woke to an empty bed, the sheets beside him still warm from the traces of Zayn's body. At first he was confused, reaching over, sure that it was only in his dream that the raven boy had disappeared. But when his hand fell upon wrinkled satin, he had no other choice but to face reality.  Zayn had snuck out in the early hours of the morning, most probably trying to avoid the usual morning awkwardness after a one nightstand.

 _A really hot one nightstand_ sighed Liam as he turned over, rubbing his face in the cooling sheets, unconsciously inhaling the scent the younger boy's body had left behind and that still roused interest in Liam's own body.

 _You're so whipped_ , he groaned reaching down to tug a few times on his hardening morning wood.

Liam tried to reason with himself that he was not constantly horny lately because Zayn was special but rather because his sex life had been lacking quite significantly in the last year. Yet, he knew he was lying to himself. The reason behind his lack of a continuous sex life was not due to scarcity of proposal but simply because no one ever interested him. Until Zayn.

Heading to the shower, Liam tried not to replay last night's events in his mind. Turning on the dial of the shower as low as it could go, he stepped in to the confined glass room, hissing at the sting of the frozen water. The bite of the icy cold water slowly turned into an ironic burn, taking with it the remainders of Liam's hard on. Scrubbing himself down, he hurried his movements, impatient to escape the flashes that invaded his brain as the lapping water sliding down his neck was too similar to a warm mouth.

Stepping out of the shower, Liam patted himself down with a towel, walking to his grand closet, choosing a regular polo and a pair of jeans to slip into. As he was coming back into his room, attaching his Rolex to his wrist, he spotted a ripped piece of paper by the side of the bed, a contrast to the deep chocolate brown of the hardwood floor.

Crossing the room quickly, Liam bent over reaching for the note. In a messy scrawl he found an address, followed by a curt message.

_Wednesday @ noon, be there._

Smiling to himself, Liam tapped the address into his phone, adding a reminder to his agenda, slightly too proud with himself that this might not be a one nightstand after all. His ego didn't really need the boost, but the butterflies curling in his stomach should have been indication enough that there was nothing casual about Zayn.

__________________________________________________________________________________

Liam's day went by in a flash, one meeting after another, followed by conferences and review's of various different manuscripts. By the time he stumbled into bed around midnight, he was simply exhausted, too tired to think about the tan boy with the raven hair and sinful lips.

By Wednesday morning however, Liam was strung up tight, clumsily fumbling through his daily routine. He spent a good extra 10 minutes choosing his outfit, only to give up and settle for a regular button down shirt and dark washed jeans.

Liam considered the fact he didn't have any meetings for the day, before conceding defeat to his messy, curling hair. He opted for a black snapback, easing it on backwards as he used to do in college. He could still remember the days he spent carelessly in nylon shorts and wife beaters, a collection of snapbacks to match his every outfit. It used to fit his style perfectly, but now it contrasted quite strongly with his facial hair and the more formal attire, but truthfully, he couldn't be bothered to try and do something acceptable with his hair.  

"Fashion is dumb anyways," Liam mumbled to himself as he nibbled at a cinnamon and raisin bagel, half way through the door as he was already late.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

When the clock finally struck eleven, Liam dropped the manuscript he had been revising, grabbing his car keys and heading out of the office. The ride to the address Zayn had given him was quite long, bringing him into a foreign part of town, the street names all barely pronounceable. There were people littering the sidewalks, lunch traffic obviously in full storm as Liam's GPS signalled him the last turn before his final destination. As the distance shortened to arrival, the amount of people on the street diminished until no one could be seen for meters. Liam finally turned into the entryway of a small, three-storey building. In all honesty, it looked quite abandoned, just as most of the surrounding structures.

Liam stepped out of his car questionably, locking the doors as a precaution. Leaving a brand new Audi R8 in this neighbourhood was probably not a great idea, but the promises inside of the shady building were simply priceless.

 _It's just metal_ Liam assured himself, sliding his hand on the curve of the trunk as he walked away.  He stopped a few feet away from the building, shielding his eyes form the sun as he looked up, inspecting the infrastructure for a sign of life. Why in hell Zayn would bring him to such a place?

The only way to find out was to go in he thought as he made his way to the double steels doors that adjourned the front of the building. He pulled on the handle, stepping into a barely lit room, the echo of his footsteps vibrating through the empty space. The walls were bare, a musky scent filling the air as a coat of dust covered the floor. Right before him stood a staircase, with a post it note attached to the banister. He snatched it away, reading it quickly.

_Rooftop - Z._

_Of course he was on the rooftop_ sighed Liam as he pocketed the note, making his way up the creaking staircase. This was starting to look like the end of a bad horror movie, where the hero follows his dick rather than his brain. His dad had always told him that his sexuality would be what killed him. Maybe he was right.

At the top of the stairway was another steel door, this one plastered with posters of rock bands, and celebrities, reminding Liam for the first time in a while, just what he was getting himself into. The juvenile decoration was obviously an indicator of what was to come. Trying to ignore it, he pulled at the knob, swinging the door open.

He wasn't actually sure what he was expecting on the other side, maybe a few moldy couches and a couple half empty bongs, but it surely wasn't what he came face to face with. Once he pushed the door aside and stepped onto the roof, he was amazed at the sight before him. It resembled more of a peaceful sanctuary than a desolated, industrial rooftop. There were trees scattered across the place, twinkling lights hanging from them. Flowers and various plants were aligned artfully, creating articulate designs along the edges of a stone pathway, leading to a wooden deck where Zayn was lying down in a lawn chair.

The boy seemed oblivious to his surroundings, an arm casually placed behind his head, causing his biceps to tense under the material of a thin black t-shirt. The sun hit his face in a theatrical way, illuminating Zayn's profile as if a gift from the gods.

Papers were dispersed around him, a pen cushioned against his luscious lips as he appeared deeply focused. His brow was furrowed, as he seemed to re-read the same passage continuously. Finally, the boy sighed, reaching out the scribble something before crossing it out.

Liam stood awkwardly by the door, mesmerized by the sight, his presence unknown to the boy. He took his time to observe the younger lad, the curve of his lithe body and the rhythm of his breathing. Just as Liam took a step in the boy's direction, Zayn jerked up, crumpling the piece of paper he had been writing on and throwing it across the rooftop. It landed in a nearby flower pot, filled with bluish spurts of colourful petals.

Shuffling forward slightly, uncertain if this was the right time to disturb the smaller boy, Liam coughed, trying to attract Zayn's attention. The boy's head shot in his direction immediately, the hard, frustrated features melting away swiftly as his eyes fell upon Liam. It was replaced with a soft smile as Zayn mouthed a shy "hi".

Taking that as an invitation, Liam made his way through the colourful environment, and up the wooden deck to stand before Zayn. He paused briefly, wondering where exactly they stood in relations to one another. Was he suppose to kiss Zayn, or to act as if nothing had ever happened between them. After all, their relationship was suppose to be professional. He was suppose to mentor Zayn.

But the younger boy proved to be much more certain with their status as he took the decision for Liam, standing up swiftly in front of him before pushing himself onto the tip of his toes, bringing his small hand to rest at the back of Liam's neck. Their lips met sweetly, nothing like the last kissed they had shared. Zayn tasted of nicotine and chocolate, a mix that should be filthy but tasted absolutely divine.  

"I'm glad you could make it," Zayn casually said as he pulled away, sitting back down in his lawn chair, gesturing for Liam to do the same.  "Are you hungry?"

The older man nodded, leaning back into the chair, propping his feet up. "This is nice".

"Yeah, it is. My mate owns the place," said Zayn, reaching in a basket by his feet to pull out some food. "He lets me write up here so I can get away".

"What's to get away from, babe?", Liam asked, the nickname rolling off his tongue easily as he accepted the sandwich the younger boy handed to him.

The boy shrugged. "Everyday stuff I guess, just..life".

Liam hummed in agreement, unwrapping the offering before biting into the soft bread and Italian cold cuts. Zayn obviously had his reasons for dismissing the question, ones Liam was not going to push to know. The boy didn't owe him anything. In reality, it was Liam that owed the younger lad.

"What you working on?" Liam said as he grabbed a nearby notebook, and started thumbing through the pages. It was filled with drawings, some realistic, other completely abstract. There were portraits of small girls that resembled Zayn, huddled together with huge grins on their faces. It was sweet.

Zayn snatched the book away before Liam could get any further, tossing it behind them and handing another booklet to the older man.

"It's my book," announced the smaller boy, biting into his own sandwich. "Or what I have up to date".

Liam nodded, opening up to the book to the first page and running his fingers over the messy scrawl. "Long handed, really?"

"I can't think in front of a laptop," explained Zayn, some mustard staining the side of his mouth.

Feeling dumb, Liam reached out, running his thumb along the boy's lips to clear the mess. Embarrassed, Zayn's hand shot up, covering his lips but Liam pushed it away, replacing it with his own mouth. It was more a touch of lips, brief and comforting but enough to ease the boy's blushing face.

"I'll read it tonight, make some notes and we can meet up some time this week to talk about it, yeah?" said Liam casually as he pulled away to lie down on the adjacent lawn chair.  The sun was high in the sky, warming his skin quickly and Liam quite enjoyed the feeling. This kind of weather was rare lately and he wanted to take advantage of it.

Zayn seemed to study him for a minute before nodding once, and returning to his sandwich, eyes glued on his work. Liam did the same, finishing his food quickly as he laid back, admiring the view, but mostly the younger boy next to him.

They stayed this way for some time, bathing in the warm sunlight, sparing each other quick glances once in a while. At some point, Zayn groaned with annoyance, throwing his pen and paper down on the ground and turning towards Liam.

"What your father like?" the younger boy asked, eyes wide with curiosity.

Startled by the sudden question, Liam stretched, uncertain whether he wanted to share that part of himself with the smaller boy. It wasn't a pleasant road, but rather a crooked path filled with deep and painful crevasses.

He was about to deny Zayn a proper answer, forcing the topic into another direction but was stunned into silence from the expression on the boy's face. The younger lad seemed so eager to listen, to understand and share something with Liam, that the older man found himself unable to deny him.

"He's not that great," Liam admitted, sighing. "He wanted me to do something more manly, something that compensated I guess for being gay. He never go it, never got me."

Liam swallowed, his throat suddenly dry. "We don't talk much anymore, maybe once or twice a year. Ever since my mom died, he's been-n.."

Zayn's finger spanned over Liam's own when he was unable to finish, no doubt offering reassurance.

"It's o.k." breathed the younger boy, eyes filled with emotion. "I didn't mean to bring up harrowing memories".

Nodding to himself, Liam accepted the gesture, intertwining his fingers with Zayn's bony ones.

After a few minutes, Zayn went back to his writing, keeping his fingers tightly wrapped around Liam's squeezing with interest every few minutes, helping the older man to calm. He pushed the memories out of his mind, building up the wall he was so use to having, separating himself from his father.

In the end, Liam regained control over his emotions, eyes drifting over the impressive skyline around them.

Eventually the smaller boy leaned back into his own chair, sucking at the tip of his pen continuously, causing Liam to shift uncomfortably, the space in his jeans becoming restricted.

"You almost done?" asked Liam, shuffling so he could sit closer to Zayn.

The boy rubbed at his face, frustrated. A black pen mark stretching along the column of his neck "No, but I'm never really done am I?".

"Guess not," replied Liam, moving to kneel down before Zayn, plucking the half written pages away from the boy.

"Maybe I can help you relax," purred Liam, running his hands up the smaller boy's thighs.

Zayn swallowed, his Adam's apple bobbing as his throat constricted.

 From his position on his knees, Liam could see a different angle to the boy, revealing a strong jaw line that would without a doubt be killer once Zayn grew into it.

Pressing his hand to Zayn's chest so he would lean back, Liam bent forward, bringing his lips to ghost over the bare skin exposed at the boy's waist. The initial contact seemed to spark Zayn's body alive, as his hips bucked forward, and he straightened up, eyes meeting Liam's as the older man smirked.

The boy fumbled forward, grabbing Liam's snapback off his head and placing it backwards on his own, to then comb his fingers through Liam's hair.

"Couldn't stop thinking about you," the boy whispered, evidently embarrassed by the confession.

Liam's eyes lit up at the admission, his palm coming down to rub against Zayn's crotch.

"Me either," he conceded as he unzipped the younger lad's pants, leaning in to run his lips across the boy's clothed erection.

The groan Zayn let out was enough to further encourage Liam, dipping his hand into the boy's brief to free the growing cock. He pumped it a few times, pulling away to lick at his palm before taking him in hand again, the movement now easier.

Looking up teasingly, Liam stopped, his mouth inches from the boy's straining erection. All he could see from his position was Zayn's chest rising with every shallow breathe, causing the boy's thick frames to slide down his nose. The boy was leaning on one hand, reaching up with the other to push his glasses back into place. He was desperate for Liam's touch as he began impatiently rocking his hips, smalls sounds resonating through their own personal oasis.

Liam complied happily, wrapping his lips around the boy, as he twirled his tongue casually around the head. He wanted to take this slow, to make Zayn squirm with need. He wanted to spend hours pleasuring the raven haired boy, till he could no longer handle it and fell apart. And Liam did just that, pulling away to lick down the underside of the shaft, his hand wrapped at the base, following every lick of his tongue with a heavy hand. With every stroke came a whimper, each more frenzied than the next.

"Fuck-Liam," cried out Zayn, the boy's hand curling in the short hair at the nape of his neck "Please".

 Liam could feel his own erection growing with interest but his focus was entirely on pleasuring the younger boy, the demand fuelling his desire.

He pushed himself down as far as he could go, feeling Zayn hit the back of his throat in succession as the boy's hips started to frantically thrust up into his mouth. Liam closed his eyes and concentrated solely on the sensation, becoming overwhelmed with his own need to get Zayn off.

And even though he usually hated getting his mouth fucked, the thought now made his own dick stir. Hence, he allowed Zayn's hand to shift into his hair, fisting the short strands in effort to thrust deeper into Liam's willing mouth.

"I-I need.." Zayn stuttered, his words hanging in the air, unfinished.

Popping off with an obnoxious noise, Liam coughed as he glanced up at Zayn through his lashes.

"I know baby," he soothed, his voice completely raw, before pushing his head down again, engulfing the boy's dick in his warm mouth.

"Come," Liam ordered, the sound muffled by Zayn's prick in his mouth but the vibrations were enough to spark the boy's orgasm, hips bucking forward uncontrollably. Zayn climaxed, a soundless cry dying on his tongue as Liam stroked him through it, swallowing him down. He kept lapping greedily at the other boy's dick, ghosting his teeth along the length, overloading Zayn's senses. The boy clawed at Liam's shoulders, desperately trying to pull him away, his body hypersensitive from touch. Obliged, Liam broke away, a string of saliva still connecting him to the younger lad.

 Wanting to hear Zayn's small whines one more time, he stroked the boy's length a few more times before resting his head on the younger lad's hip, his breathing coming out ragged.  

Zayn moved his hands slowly across Liam's back, occasionally fisting the material as if experiencing aftershock from his orgasm.

"You're amazing," Zayn said breathlessly after a few moments of silence.

Liam hummed in agreement.

"I know," he said as he stood, his knees cracking from kneeling for so long.

Zayn pushed at his shoulder, laughing wholeheartedly.

"Conceited prick".

"You know it," winked Liam, rolling his shoulders.

Zayn seemed deeply interested in the movement as he tucked himself back in, his hand just about to stretch in Liam's direction when the bigger man dipped down to pick up Zayn's booklet.

"I need to head out, got some work to do", Liam announced.

"Really?" asked Zayn, his eyes filled with evident disappointment. "I didn't even get to repay the favour".

"Another time," promised Liam, leaning in to share a kiss, making Zayn taste himself on his tongue. He purposely dragged the kiss out, memorizing every inch of the boy's mouth and as he pulled away, their eyes meeting. Zayn's were glossy and unfocused, his cheek pink from exhaustion.

"I'll catch you later, yeah?", Liam said casually, his voice fucked out too much to succeeded the level of detachment he was aiming for.

Displeased, Zayn submitted, bowing his head in agreement and proceeded to shuffle his papers around, suddenly nervously. The saddened gesture squeezed at Liam's heart, tugging all the right strings.

"Hey," he said gently, reaching down to tip Zayn's head up. "Cheer up, babe".

"I'm fine," muttered the boy, pulling away from Liam's touch. And for some reason, that didn't stand well with Liam, who immediately cupped the younger boy's check, kneeling once more to be at eye level with him.

"Don't pull away from me," Liam scolded, his touching firm to prove a point. "I have to go to work, so I can read your book, yeah?"

Zayn nodded, easing into Liam's touch, before turning his head, kissing the center of the man's palm.

"I should get home anyways," the younger boy agreed, offering a hand to Liam so they stood together.

Liam waited for Zayn to gather his things before accompanying him down the stairs, closing the steel door behind them with a resonating boom. Half way to the second landing, the raven haired boy reached over, intertwining their fingers with a shy smile. Liam frowned to himself, but allowed the intimate gesture, unwilling to be the asshole that just sucked the boy's dick but refuse to hold his hand.

"Need a ride?" Liam asked as they stepped outside, his precious car still seemed to be intact which was good news.

Zayn shook his head, before reaching up to pull off Liam's snapback, offering it back to him before pushing his fringe back into place. "I'm good".

"Keep it, looks better on you," assured Liam, instantly regretting it at the way the boy's face lit up. First rule of casually fucking, no gifts he could hear his old roommate stating.

"Ok," agreed Zayn, placing the cap back on his head before pecking Liam's lips sweetly, untangling their hands and taking a step back, towards the open street.

Liam nodded a salute, walking back to his car, the sound of his closing door barely a whisper under the sound of his rapidly beating heart. Zayn was a few meters away, looking at him through the window, as he started walking backwards down the street, still starring in Liam's direction as he crossed the street.

The more their eyes met, the more Liam became overwhelmed, clumsily finding the ignition of the car. The roar of the engine drowned out his heart and mind, both screaming contrasting opinions at each other. But as Liam drove away, his eyes couldn't help but stay glued to his rear view mirror, where the raven hair boy stood, biting his bottom lip fervently, waving at him.

 "I'm so fucking screwed." Liam muttered, hitting the gas pedal and taking a sharp turn, his rear view mirror finally coming up empty with nothing but road.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ok..so technically, this isn't chapter 4. I've working on it for a few days but its not ready to be published. But yesterday I woke up with this little piece all in my mind and I was quite happy with the way it came out of I decided to insert it, and make it into a tiny chapter 4. PLEASE enjoy, tell me what you think as usual. You have no idea how much your small comments can change my day!

There was something missing. The characters were intricately written, the descriptions painted realistic and detailed pictures in the readers mind. The decor was mind blowing, a mixture of fantasy and history blending in perfect harmony. The storyline was solid, building towards a surprisingly horrid climax. Basically, although the book was half finished and still raw, it had everything to be a bestselling novel and yet Liam sat, silent, staring at the cover. He was dumbfounded, this masterpiece just wasn't...right.

As Liam took a swing of his Stella, he unconsciously ran his fingers over the sloppy scribbles filling the booklet. There was so much potential in this novel, so much raw emotion but it was apparent that Zayn was dreading his own writing.

Liam was simply confused, as he read the last few words again and again. It was obvious that Zayn was talent, very much so. His words were articulated and flowed beautiful together to create a whole that was simply unexpected. The research and work put into this novel was evident but Liam still couldn't get over the undertone of the novel. There was an impressive amount of angst and anger, frustration building in the wake of the storyline that was simply contradictory to the essence of the characters. It had to be Zayn's own emotions pouring into his words, with every stroke of his pen, a slash of his own feelings. And the younger boy's own emotionality was overpowering the character's.  

How was Liam supposed to sit down with the kid and explain this to him, because for the first time, that's how Liam saw Zayn. As a kid. No matter what they did behind closed door, 18 years of age was terribly young and the last thing Liam wanted to do was discourage Zayn in his writing. He was made for fiction, to write and create. The boy's mind was the most amazingly complex and fascinating thing Liam had encountered in years, but the author's own lack of control was problematic.

Liam couldn't help but think back to those drawings he'd seen in one of Zayn's note book. For some reason those made much more sense to him than any of this writing did. Every line was so fluid and perfect. The portraits of what was no doubt the younger man's sisters were filled with that appropriate emotion that the book was lacking. It was as if Zayn was unable to transfer the emotion he felt when he drew into his writing. The frustration Liam had witnessed when he'd observe the boy write on the rooftop was the only thing coming to his mind now. That very annoyance was transpiring into his work as if the boy resented writing.

Sighing, Liam reached over to the coffee table where his feet were propped up, to grab his phone. He thumbed it open, scrolling down to the text message Zayn had sent him earlier. It was a simple, _Thank you_ , but the words hung in Liam's mind like a brand. It wasn't a specific thank you, and at first he thought maybe it was a thank you for the blowjob, or for the snapback, but now all he could think was that it was a thank you for reading his book.

"Fuck".

Resolved to his work ethics and integrity, Liam typed in a quick message, asking if they could meet up to discuss the book. He needed to be honest with Zayn, delimiting from now and on that whatever they were doing in bed could not affect their work relationship. Liam's job was to direct the younger boy in his writing, to expose the flaws in his work and even if it broke Liam's heart to do so, he had to tell Zayn that his novel would simply never be published if he couldn't get a hold of his emotions.

The beeping sound coming from his phone dragged him out of his spiralling train of thought. Looking down at the apparatus, Liam rolled his eyes as he read Zayn's reply.

_Yours or mine ;)_

Tapping out a buzz killing _, this is a business meeting, my office_ , Liam threw his phone beside him, taking hold of his beer and downing it.

How do stupid amber eyes, and a soft smile render a man so useless thought Liam as he headed to the kitchen for another beer. Or maybe something strong, like a truckload of vodka. Sleeping with Zayn had been a mistake, one that was stripping him of his morals and judgement.

You don't sleep with your authors you idiot, he mumbled to himself as he grabbed the bottle of Grey Goose from the liquor cabinet. Pouring himself a couple fingers worth, Liam headed back to the living room, settling in the plush leather cushions comfortably as he switch on the TV. Flipping aimlessly through the channels, he sipped anxiously at his vodka, craving the burn.

His phone buzzed again, but Liam simply couldn't bring himself to look at it. Now, when he was away from the rush of emotions and his dick was not in control, he realized the monumental cluster fuck of a situation he had created for himself.

The probation period of his deal with Malik Books was six months long, sleeping with the CEO's son would most probably not lead to the greatest of conclusions. Ruining his career over a fuck was not worth the gamble, no matter how devilishly charming and attractive that boy was.

Liam knew what he had to do. Tomorrow, before they discussed the novel, he had to make things clear with Zayn. Although the other boy was young, he would obviously understand. His writing demonstrated strongly how level headed and intelligent Zayn was, he would surely see the conflict of interest in their relationship.

With a  frustrated grunt, Liam shoved his glass roughly on the table, watching it spin on itself, almost crashing to the side. He reached for his phone, thumb hovering over the message before he clicked it open, reading Zayn's, _You like it in public, kinky_.

Groaning as he rubbed his face with callous palms, Liam realized that nothing about the upcoming decision would be easy. He was lying to himself if he thought this was only physicality, because even now when Zayn was goofing off and initiating sex yet again, Liam was simply done for. All he wanted to do was meet up with the younger boy and lay him out on the hood of his car before devouring every single piece of him. He wanted to taste the boy's skin, and brand his own mark into the tan exterior. He wanted his scruff to leave scratches on the flawless body and above all he wanted to learn how Zayn's mind worked because in 28 years, no one had ever riled him up and captivated him as much as the boy with the raven hair and the thick framed glasses had.

Luckily, Loki came tumbling in, a loud yelp bringing Liam back to reality. The puppy ran in circles around the table, before jumping on the couch, quickly cuddling into Liam's side. The man smiled, threading his fingers through the soft fur.

"I'm a mess," he whispered to the dog, desperately in need of advice but Loki only barked back, head coming down to rest in Liam's lap.

They rested together for a few minutes, both staring at the TV without paying much attention to the blurring images. With a tired yawn, Liam shut the television off, shifting down to pick up Loki to carry him up the stairs to bed with him, but just as he was about to exit the living room, the pup started to yelp restlessly.

"What's wrong, little boy?" Liam asked him as he put the dog down.

Immediately, the little Alaskan Klee Kai ran back to the couch, nose buried in the creases of the cushions. Liam padded over, patting the dog's head before reaching in, only to come out with his cell phone. The dog barked again, looking up at his master as if satisfied, before popping off the couch and scurrying out the room.

"Even my dog is against me," thought Liam, following after the little fur ball, quickly sending a final message to Zayn.

 _Maybe, just be ready baby._  

____________________________________________________________________________________

"What do you mean, you kind of fucked Malik's son, doesn't he only have daughters," Louis all but yelled, a few passerby's throwing dirty glances in their direction.

"Would you keep it down," hissed Liam, walking towards the door to his office to close it. "And obviously he has a son, I would have noticed by now if Zayn was a girl".

Louis seemed to consider that for a minute before shrugging. "With you, who knows".

Glaring at him, Liam sat back into his chair. Why had he chosen to tell Louis about this, already? It seemed like a horrific idea at the time, and now that he had actually discussed the matter with his best friend, he knew it had been a mistake. There was nothing rational about Louis, not his clothes, his relationships and even less his mind, so nothing his best friend would say could actually aid Liam in his spiralling downfall into the doom's of the Malik boy's heart.

"It just kind of happened," Liam mumbled as he shuffled papers around his desk in no specific order. He needed to distract himself. Zayn was supposed to stop by around noon, and the simple thought of seeing him again had Liam's heart racing.

"These things don't just kind of happened," replied Louis as he rolled his eyes and backed Liam's chair in a corner. Pointing an accusatory finger in his face his best friend continued. "You don't fuck an 18 year old kid some 10 times by accident, Liam. You fucked him because you wanted to, and even though I'm happy to know your dick still works, you're a fucking idiot!"

"There's something abou-" started Liam, but Louis cut him off immediately, throwing his arms up in the air.

"Don't start with that shit Liam, this isn't a fucking rom-com movie where you find love and walk away happily ever after with a pregnant wife and a dog".

His best friend exhaled as he sat on the corner of his desk. "This isn't going to end well and you know it Liam."

And Liam only nodded because nothing Louis was saying was new to him. He knew that whatever he was doing with Zayn was a bad idea, that it was red zoned and bound to die off in the heat of it all, but Liam just didn't want it to end.

"Maybe I'm naive", he breathed as he walked over the window, gazing down at the street. "But I need to see how this pans out, Louis."

Louis huffed, obviously disapproving of Liam's choice as he shrugged on his jacket. "I'll be there with the ice cream and the Jack when it falls apart".

And with that, his best friend was gone, leaving the room filled with unsaid words of the past. They both knew how this went, Liam fell in love, gave too much of himself to someone that only wanted him for his fame or his money, and then got his heartbroken. Then Louis would slip in, fill him up with ice cream and get him drunk so he'd forget how bad it hurt to never be good enough for someone.

But that routine was getting old, really. Liam was approaching his 30s and he wanted to believe that there was someone out there, meant for him, that would truly appreciate him. Maybe trusting a kid to fulfill that role wasn't the brightest of his ideas, but as he had flipped through Zayn's book a second and a third time, he couldn't help his own feelings. He wanted to help the boy, to hold him and stir him in the right direction. Yet, mostly he wanted to be that missing element in Zayn's life, that thing that would make his writing 10 times better.

He wanted to be the muse that made the story into an epic classic.

He wanted Zayn, for his body because he wasn't about to lie to himself, the boy was hot as hell. Yet, Liam also wanted the boy's heart and mostly his mind, so he could explore it into flourishing.

Hearing the soft echo of a knock on his door that he knew came from Zayn, Liam forced his mouth into a smile, turning so he would face the raven haired boy that was brightly smiling at him from the doorway.

Here goes nothing he thought to himself once again as he approached Zayn, leaning in to kiss him. Because even now, as he embraced the younger boy and poured too much emotion into what should have been a simple hello, he knew Louis was right. In no universe would this end happily.

"You're early," he breathed against the boys lips, pulling away slightly to look down at the small figure but keeping his arms tight bound around Zayn's waist.

"I can go," Zayn whispered back, his own arms creeping up to settle around Liam's shoulders with no intention to leave.

"That won't be necessary," said Liam. "You're right where I want you to be".


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I love this one..ok. I don't know why. It just makes my heart melt.

Zayn had been taunting him for the last hour, walking around his office, stripping off his hoodie, before bending over Liam's desk, ass in the air as if presenting himself. He was a tease, playing with pens and sucking on them while Liam tried to go over different passages of the novel with him.

"Do you not care at all about this novel?" Liam finally asked with frustration as Zayn walked by him for the tenth time in the last two minutes, with a little too much swagger in his hips. He wasn't exactly sure if he was frustrated with the younger lad's lack of interest in working or if he was annoyed because all he wanted to do was bend Zayn over his desk and teach him a lesson.

"I don't," admitted the younger boy as he stopped pacing to sit on the edge of the wooden desk. "Never have".

Confused, Liam stood, making his way to stand before Zayn who was now fidgeting in his seat. "What do you mean, you don't care about the book?"

The boy shrugged, his eyes still cast down, now inspecting the details of the flooring.

Annoyed with the lack of response, Liam took hold of the boy's chin, tilting it up so their eyes could meet. From this position, he stood a good feet taller than the younger man. Wanting to ease the tension that seemed to emanate between them, Liam took a step forward, easing his way to stand in between Zayn's thighs.

"This is your book Zayn, why don't you care?" he asked.

"It's only my book by technicality," answered Zayn, a little too casually.

"Don't be cryptic," growled Liam, leaning down to roughly bite at the boy's jaw. "I asked you a question, now answer it properly".

The bite seemed to revive Zayn, who swallowed anxiously with renewed interest. "I never wanted to be a writer," the boy concluded, his hands coming up to dig into Liam's shoulders. "I love comics, and drawing, but my father thinks that those things aren't conductive to a respectable career."

A pause lingered in the air, as Liam acknowledge what the younger boy had said, somewhat surprised by the admission.

"I'm not your father," finally said Liam, voice thick with emotion. "I don't want you to lie to me."

He paused, frowning. "Make me read what you love, what you want to do, not something you hate and despise."

"It's dumb," replied the boy, embarrassed by his interest as he turned his head, escaping Liam's grasp.

But the older man was quicker, taking Zayn's face in his hands so their eyes could meet once more. "Nothing about you is dumb," he assured the boy that was now leaning into his touch. Zayn's admission now explained why the book was so filled with anger and frustration.

"I don't care what your father was stupid enough to tell you. I want to see what _you_ want to publish, not what you think _others_ want you to publish".

Zayn remained silent, closing his eyes to avoid Liam's gaze, but rubbing his smooth cheek against the center of his palm.

"Do you understand?" Liam asked, wanting to be sure he had made himself clear. His only intentions were to help Zayn blossom. He had no interest in allowing whatever messed up lies the boy's father had instilled in him. Even if he admired the man, his work and his company, in no way did he want to further push the younger Malik in a direction the boy obviously hated.

"Yes," faintly answered Zayn, his voice muffled by the way his lips were now pressed to Liam's hand.

"I can't hear you," countered the older man, even if he had understood perfectly the meager response.

He wanted Zayn to stand up for his convictions, to see that he was entitled to his opinion and that mostly, he was rightful in having his own interests. For the first time, Liam was quickly realizing that the shy boy that came through more than the confidence one was no doubt due to years of being told off and forced into doing things the boy had never wanted to do in the first place.

"Yes, daddy," finally said Zayn, no traces of the shyness and hesitation left in his voice as the amber eyes bore into Liam's own with fiery lust. There was a restored sense of eagerness and poise in the boy's voice as he leaned forward, bringing his lips to the center of Liam's chest.

"Sit," the boy ordered as he took hold of Liam's hips, fingers digging into the skin over the material of his shirt. Stumbling backwards, Liam followed Zayn's instructions, flopping down unceremoniously into the fainting couch.

"What are you doing?" he demanded as the younger boy knelt before him, a dangerous glimmer in his eyes. This wasn't supposed to happen, not after they had a major breakthrough concerning Zayn's writing.

"Getting you ready," the boy laughed, as he reached down, hand rubbing over Liam's crotch which dissipated any opposition Liam had to this plan. The moment the connection was made, he grunted shamelessly, hips thrusting towards the touch.

"We shouldn't do this," Liam whispered, yet grabbed the boy's arm to heave him into his lap, their hips grinding together immediately.

Zayn hummed in response, licking his lips as he started to unbutton Liam's shirt.

"I locked the door," moaned the younger boy as his fingers met Liam's burning skin, the touch simply electrifying. "So now I can ride you senseless".

Uttering every conjugation of the word fuck he could think of, Liam leaned in, capturing the boy's mouth as they tore at each other's clothes. This was stupid and reckless, possibly gambling his career and employment but he didn't care. All he wanted at the moment was to be inside Zayn.

Besides, now that he knew why the book was simply not right he had no intentions of helping Zayn pursue in writing it. If the boy wanted to draw graphic novels and comics, that's what Liam would help him do, no matter what Yaser had to say.

___________________________________________________________________________________

Liam was nervous, which really, wasn't all that new when it came to spending time with Zayn. You would think that he was the teenager, stumbling through the relationship, but Zayn on the contrary was taking it like a champ. Over the last two weeks that they had spent together, Liam could see more of the confident boy from the first days. Zayn seemed more comfortable in his presence, opening up to him about his actual interest and work.

They'd spent entire days sitting on the floor of Liam's living room, carding through Zayn's artwork and potential story line, coming up with something they both thought would genuinely make an interesting, new era graphic novel. It had taken some convincing to bring the younger lad around to the idea of actually drawing a comic book. It was evident that the thought still made Zayn cringe when his mind escape the fantasy world they had created and made its way to his father's words. But Liam would simply pull the boy back in, gently rubbing his thumb along the boy's wrist in reassurance. And Zayn would smile at him, pushing the thick frames higher on his nose before leaning into Liam's side.

The process had quickly become quite domestic, ordering in copious amounts of food as they ate, Loki munching on his toys close by. Some days Zayn would insist on cooking, filling the kitchen with various aromas Liam had never experienced before. They would fucked continuously, in every room of his house, christening every flat surface and even a fair amounts of walls.

In two weeks, they'd manage to only break a lamp and a rather priceless frame, but Liam hadn't been bothered whatsoever. Getting his hands over Zayn's flawless skin was a compensation more generous than any artwork could every be. The boy had fumbled an apology that was quickly swallowed on Liam's own tongue, forgotten instantaneously.

In their time together, he head learned quite a lot about the boy, but not from the words falling from his lips, rather in the way he moved and angled his body. Whenever they were discussing the comic book, Zayn would curl into Liam, angling himself so his head would lean against the bigger man's shoulder. When Liam brought up the topics of friends, the boy seemed distant, angling away from him, most often leaning back against the palm of his hands as if casually stretching. But the most disturbing thing of all was whenever Yaser was brought up, through Liam's business calls that interrupted their working sessions or cuddling movie nights, Zayn would immediately coil into himself, his knees to his chest, arms wrapped tightly around them as if holding himself together, holding a secret deep inside of himself.

And Liam tried not to let it bother him, because he knew the topic was one that only lead to fumbling excuses and Zayn's quick departure. Once too many times he'd found himself bringing the subject up, trying to understand and soothe the younger boy, but it only lead to him spending the night alone in bed, the sheet around him too cold for his liking as he'd already gotten use to the heat Zayn provided. In truth the boy was like a living furnace, wrapping himself around Liam's like a koala, gripping at him in his sleep.

Yet, tonight was different. It was the first time Zayn had invited him over to his flat, and for some reason it felt more private, more intimate than any of the nights they'd spent in Liam's bigger than needed house.

And lets not forget the fact that it was Zayn's birthday. A detail the raven haired boy had dropped casually, less than 18 hours before Liam was due on his doorstep. It left very little time for Liam to scramble together a gift, or anything really, because as cliché as it sounds, he desperately wanted Zayn to enjoy his special day.

He'd planned everything out, dropping off Loki at Louis's place, which earned him a silent lecture, mostly filled with loads of glaring and sighing. Liam however, had grown accustomed to his best friend's views on his relationship and took it in stride, smiling brightly as he handed over the pup's food and toys.

"You could be happy for me," he'd mumbled on his way out, looking over his shoulder at Louis who was now cuddling Loki to his chest.

"I could be," answered the shorter man as he threaded his finger through Loki's fur, the unsaid words hanging between the two.

However, Liam wasn't about to let that affect his night. Pushing his hair back one last time, he climbed the staircase up to Zayn's flat, two steps at a time, careful not to drop the bags he was carrying. Ringing the doorbell, Liam rocked to the hell of his feet, counting the seconds before the door swung open.

Zayn stood in the archway, faded jeans with holes in them, accompanied by a wrinkled shirt. His hair was softly falling across his forehead, unlike the style quiff the boy had been sporting for the last few days. Feeling over dressed, Liam pulled at the lapel of his shirt uncomfortably. He'd asked Zayn countless times to allow him to pay them a night on the down, in fancy restaurants but the boy had out right refused, insisting on a quiet night at home.

"I come bearing gifts," Liam announced as he walked through the door, kicking it shut behind him.

Shaking his head, Zayn leaned onto the tip of his toes, pressing a small delicate kiss to Liam's cheek as he grabbed the bags and brought them into the kitchen. "I told you I had everything covered."

Liam shrugged. "It's your birthday, babe, you're supposed to be spoiled".

"I'm not sure if you want to spoil me or make me fat," replied the boy as he unpacked four of the different chocolate cakes Liam had bought, cocking an eyebrow at the older man.

Liam was about to offer a lame excuse, when Zayn laughed. "You like variety, I remember".

Smiling, Liam stepped forth, coming to stand behind Zayn as he encircles the younger boy's waist with his arms, settling his chin on Zayn's shoulder.

"I do. And I remember too," he moaned unabashedly, lips grazing the shell of Zayn's ear.

Leaning back so that they were pressed flushed together, Zayn hummed in appreciation. "It's my birthday, you're not suppose to tease me".

"I'm not," assured Liam, forcing Zayn's head in his direction to properly kiss him. The boy went limp in his arms, allowing to be kissed and bent every which way Liam demanded. The submission had heat pooling in his stomach as he splayed his hand under Zayn's shirt, feeling the taunt muscle tense under his fingers.

"I thought you were bringing Loki," questioned the younger boy, his breath hitching as Liam's finger delved under the waistband of his jeans.

Zayn had taken to Loki quite quickly, treating him as if a baby. He'd stated that animals were like children that never grew up and needed to be taken care of. It was cute really, the way the pup had taken to Zayn, running to him rather than Liam when they entered the house.

At night, once they had settled in bed, often times after long hours of fooling around and when Zayn thought Liam was fast asleep, the boy would untangle himself from around him, silently padding down the stairs to recover Loki who slept in the living room. He would return almost immediately, laying the pup at the foot of the bed before wrapping himself around Liam once again. The older man pretended he didn't know, but as the younger lad pressed small kisses to his chest, Liam couldn't help the smile that ghosted across his lips.

"I left him with a friend," finally explained Liam. "Wanted us to have some alone time."

Zayn smiled, kissing Liam's jaw. "Sounds nice".

"Plenty to do though, before I fuck you 19 times," casually replied Liam as he pulled away from the boy, amusement twinkling in his eyes as Zayn stumbled back, whimpering from the loss.

The younger boy glared in his direction, hand fisted together, before a mask appeared over his features, a smile returning to his lips. Zayn nodded, as if agreeing before unpacking the rest of the food and placing it in the fridge behind him.

Liam watched him in amazement, but also in wonder. The ease with which Zayn had been able to transform his expression was quite alarming. It made Liam question if the younger boy had done so before without Liam's knowledge. Often times, he was afraid that Zayn would do things only to please him, that he would consent only because he was frightened that if he didn't, Liam would leave him. The age gap usually wasn't something Liam thought of, but at times when he couldn't think of anything else, he was terrified. He didn't want to be that guy, that took advantage of Zayn's naivety and most of all, he didn't want Zayn to think he was being used.

Warm hands pressing to his chest brought Liam back to the present. Zayn was now standing in front of him, slowly undoing his button down shirt. When their eyes met, the boy's fingers didn't stop, but he offered the older man a  careful smile.

"Where did you go just now?" asked the smaller boy, worry making his bottom lip quiver slightly.

"No where you need to worry about, babe," replied Liam, even if he knew the answer wasn't satisfactory. He didn't want to worry Zayn, on the contrary all he wanted today was to make him the happiest he could.

"So what's the plan, love?" he asked, changing the subject.

"Marvel movie marathon?" offered Zayn, his eye wide and his voice hopeful.

Liam nodded, pressing a gentle kiss to the boy's forehead. "Anything you want".

"Don't promise things you can't do," chuckled Zayn, face hidden in Liam's chest, his button down now open. "My mother says I'm a  demanding little shit".

Laughing, Liam pulled away, orienting Zayn towards the TV area. The flat was surprisingly large, no doubt partially paid by Mr. Malik himself. It was an open layout, the high windows lightening up the entire space with warm colours. To Liam's surprise, the walls were bare though, nothing resembling the artist that Zayn was.

"Go start the movie," encouraged Liam as he stripped out of his button down, throwing it across a nearby chair. "I'll heat up the chicken karahi".

"My favoirite meal, four different cakes, if I didn't know you better I'd think you were trying to seduce me," teased the younger boy, grabbing a pack of cigarette that was lying on the coffee table.

Liam couldn't say he'd been surprised the first time he'd seen Zayn smoke, the taste of it was evident on the boy's lips, and yet contrary to usual, it didn't repulse him. He kept telling the younger lad it was a bad habit, that he should stop, but he never really gave it any real thought. Even now, as the boy lit the cigarette, taking a deep drag and opening a near window, Liam couldn't help but be enthralled by the way the boy's lips curled around it. He hated to admit, but it was sensual as fuck.

"You know me so well," replied Liam, half paying attention to his own movements. He moved towards the kitchen, emptying the cartons of food into a glass Pyrex, turning the oven on to 350, before popping it in. His cooking skills were restricted, pasta and toast were about all he could do but he was a master chief at heating takeout in the oven.

It's better than microwaving it he argued with himself as he took out the rest of the things he'd bought. A silk table cloth, silver cutlery, candles, cloth napkins and even, rose petals. He knew it was cheesy, and that Zayn would most probably laugh at it, but it didn't matter. He wanted to make this special more than anything. After all, he remembered his own 19th birthday, spent lying in vomit from alcohol over consumption with Louis cackling in the background like a hyena, useless in aiding him.

Liam settled everything on the table, rearranging the forks some five times because he wanted things to be perfect. He stood back, proud of himself even if it was ridiculously small and not that romantic but it was a start. Heading to join Zayn in the living room, he found the boy sprawled out on the floor, two DVDs in hand.

"Thor or Ironman?"

"How is that even a question?" replied Liam, sitting down next to the boy. "Ironman".

Zayn's reaction was sudden. One minute he was lying on the ground, the next he was straddling Liam, kissing him breathless. "I knew there was a reason I liked you," the boy mumbled against his lips.  

And Liam laughed, because there was simply nothing else he could do. It was messy and childish but they kept chuckling as they fumbled around kisses, touching each other all over. By the time the oven beeped, announcing that the chicken was ready, they were both shirtless and disheveled, the movie already forgotten.

"I never get anything productive done around you," joked Liam, helping Zayn back into his shirt before wrapping the boy's thin legs around him to stand.

"I disagree," taunted Zayn, rolling his hips to show Liam just how productive he'd been as Liam made his way into the dining area. He faltered slightly at the movement, groaning in pleasure as he scolded Zayn.

"Behave or the chicken will burn," said Liam as he eased Zayn to his feet, turning him so he'd see the set up upon the table.

And the boy froze, eyes glue to the cheap candles and cloth napkins. The floor around the table was covered in rose petals, some even scattered upon the table cloth to add a little colour. The deep red was contrasting the white of the silk, as Liam leaned forward, pulling out a lighter from his pocket to light the candles.

"Y-you did this f-for me?" he heard Zayn stutter from behind him, before turning to admire the boy. Zayn was still standing where he been deposited, hands clenched as if uncertain what he was suppose to do with them. He had a look of pure astonishment on his face, as if no one had ever done something nice for him before.

"It's cheesy I know-" Liam started but was immediately interrupted by Zayn's lips upon his own.

"Don't," breathe Zayn, stepping forward to take a seat at one of the two chairs, running his hand across the velvety flower petals. "It's perfect".

Uncertain how to respond, Liam only nodded, more to himself than to Zayn, as he heads to the kitchen to serve the chicken. He had expected so many different scenarios for the unfolding of this night, the one that had just unfolded was not one of them. Looking back from the kitchen island, Liam could see Zayn softly smiling to himself, admiring the shinny cutlery.

"Everything ok, babe?" Liam asked, seeking reassurance. Zayn came from a wealthy family and spoke highly of his parents and siblings, there was no way he had never experienced a simple sit down birthday dinner. There was nothing extraordinary about what Liam was offering the younger boy, on the contrary the proposal of anything out of the ordinary had been shot down by the smaller lad the minute they had been uttered.

Zayn frowned. "Why wouldn't it be?"

"Just making sure, love," replied Liam as he step forth, placing a plate of steaming food in front of Zayn before taking the seat next to him. Reaching out, he intertwined his fingers with the younger boy's, bringing them to his lips to kiss the back of Zayn's hand gently.

"Happy Birthday, babe".

"Thank you," said Zayn, squeezing Liam's hand as he laid it back on the table between the both of them. "This smells delicious".

Liam agreed, picking up his fork and took the first bite.

They ended up eating most of dinner in silence, Zayn moaning with practically every bite he took, Liam admiring the boy with interest. Every little sound the smaller lad let out was a shot directly to his groin, but he controlled himself, rubbing pleasant circles into the boy's skin.

Once they were done, he stood, gathering the dirty dishes and ordering Zayn to stay put. He came back with a huge platter that held four cakes on it, all different flavours but mostly chocolate that were decorated with copious amounts of chocolate bark and icing. There were nineteen flickering candles spread out over the cakes, and elegant writing spelling out a simple _Happy Birthday Zayn._

Zayn was practically radiating with excitement as Liam placed the tray before him, his eyes huge as he inspected every cake, no doubt mentally making note of which one he wanted to try first.

"I can't sing for shit," admitted Liam as he reached for his phone "but at least me take a picture before you eat it".

Zayn stopped, as if a deer caught in headlights. His finger was already coated in chocolate ganache. He smiled even wider, his eyes crinkling from the strain. Licking his finger Zayn moaned, exaggeratedly so, winking in Liam's direction before smiling for the picture.

"Come take one with me," the boy asked, reaching for the phone.

Liam came to stand behind him, wrapping his arms around Zayn's shoulder, and he smiled, as big as he could because really, he hadn't felt this happy in a long time. Zayn's easy laughter and shy glances made him shine from the inside. He woke every morning with the deepest desire than to do nothing else but make the younger boy laugh.

Once a few pictures were taken, some of them kissing in between chocolate finger licking, Zayn proceeded to blowout his candles, giggling nervously as one stubborn light wouldn't die out.

"You know what that means," teased the boy, leaning in to peck Liam's lips before returning to the candle. His face was now mere inches from the flame, casting a delicate glow on the boy's features. It made him that more beautiful, reflecting just how breath taking he was when the sun shinned above him.

 Zayn finally blew out the candle, pulling back as if to admire his work.

"I want all of them," said Zayn, looking up at Liam as if demanding permission. And Liam simply nodded, running his hands up and down the younger boy's shoulders and neck.

"Anything you want," he repeated again, a mantra he was starting to notice came up quite often when he was around Zayn.

As he watched the raven haired boy cutting the first cake and placing a piece on a plate before repeating the process with every cake, Liam realized he was truly, madly, deeply in love with Zayn. The thought should have scared him really, because the boy was only literally just 19, but the realization  made him smile even wider. This boy was perfect, and there was nothing wrong with their relationship. Zayn made him feel invincible, like he could stand against the world and survive, and even if he did end up losing his job, or even maybe losing Zayn, all of it would have been worthwhile.

It would be worthwhile simply for the pleasure he could now see on Zayn's boyish features, as his glasses kept slipping down his nose. It would be worthwhile because Liam felt like a better man when he held the boy at night, or when he comforted him after a frustrating drawing session. It would all be worthwhile.

When Zayn finally was done cutting the cakes, both their plates were overflowing with sweets, a dentists worst nightmare. The boy turned to look at Liam who was still standing behind him, offering him both chocolate covered plate with a shy smile.

Dragging Zayn to the living room, balancing both plates in one hand, wrapping the other around the boy's hip, Liam proceeded to do the most stupidly cheesy thing he could think of. He sat on the floor, leaning against the couch and held his hand out for Zayn. The boy took the offering, straddling Liam so that they were facing each other, the plates covered in chocolate cake next to them. Taking a piece of gooey pastry in his fingers, Liam raised it to Zayn's lips, beckoning for him to eat it.

"C'mon love," enticed Liam, running the chocolate along the boy's lower lip. "You know you want it".

Zayn submitted, cheeks flushed with embarrassment, as their eyes met and he opened his mouth, tasting the sweetness of the cake before licking Liam's finger free of icing.

The connection had Liam's dick stirring, placing a hand at the small of Zayn's back, he kissed the younger boy, the taste of chocolate overpowering his senses. And as they continued to feed each other cake, kissing softly in between bites, more roughly between others, Liam thought of telling Zayn just how strongly he felt. Yet he didn't, because the more Zayn smiled at him, and licked at his lips, the sticky feeling of the sweets coming with the boy's own personal flavor, the more Liam realized he wasn't ready for this to end. He wanted it to last forever, and if it didn't, well he wasn't ready for it to end now.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was rewritten so many times! I hope you actually all enjoy it because the next probably won't be so pleasant!!!

"This is a really bad idea," groaned Zayn for the tenth time in the last ten minutes, combing his fingers through his messy hair do. The boy was pacing a hole into the hardwood, mumbling to himself as he smoked his third cigarette since he'd gotten to Liam's, which was all but 20 minutes ago.

"He's going to love you," reassured Liam as he tried to make his way towards Zayn, but the boy recoiled, arms wrapping around himself. Breathing out heavily, Liam moved away, leaning on the edge of the counter to observe the lad.

"Don't be ridiculous, babe," he tried again, his voice soft with incentive which seemed to calm Zayn for a minute, until Loki barked loudly. The minute the yelp echoed through the kitchen, Zayn was back to pacing, inhaling the smoke as if it was more important than oxygen itself.

Coughing lightly to himself, Liam felt useless, agonizing over the younger boy's raving emotions and anxiety.

The coughing seemed to spark Zayn back into his normal self. Breathing deep, the boy put out his cigarette in a nearby ashtray, emptying it immediately because he knew Liam hated the smell of the ashes and also because Liam always complained about it being a hazard for Loki.

Zayn's hands shook restlessly as he closed the top of the trashcan, trying to hide the fact, the boy shoved them in his pockets.

"I should have dressed up more," said Zayn as he moved closer to Liam, yet never touching.

 The younger lad reached out to adjust the platter of chicken fajitas a twelfth of an inch to the right, before moving it back again. He was looking for something to do with himself, Liam could tell. He had gotten used to Zayn's nervous habits, from lip biting, to the fidgeting and the compulsive perfectionism. And as he watched the boy fumble around the kitchen, moving the tools around until they were perfectly aligned, Liam started regretting setting this up.  

Taking a step forth to stand behind Zayn, he tried once more to envelop the younger boy in an embrace, and this time, he succeeded as Zayn melted into his touch. The smaller boy's back was firmly pressed to his chest as Liam wrapped his arms around Zayn's delicate frame, clasping his hands together over the boy's heaving chest. Kissing the top of Zayn's head, Liam smiled.

"You look beautiful, as always," he said, as he started swaying gently, the rocking motion soothing to the younger boy. "It's been two months babe, Louis just wants to meet you."

Zayn nodded, hand coming up to settle on Liam's and they stayed like that, pulling strength from one another.

Liam understood why Zayn was so nervous at the thought of meeting Louis. After all, considering his poor relationship with his father, Louis was the closes thing he had to family. He spent most major holidays with Louis's own family, an adopted Tomlinson they always said. So this was slightly as if he was bringing Zayn home to meet his parents, his parent just happened to be an overly sassy, five foot something guy without any filter between his mouth and his brain.

"What if he hates me?" he heard the younger boy mutter, his head bowed.

They had discussed this meeting extensively, agreeing to wait until they had been together for a while. When Liam noticed that Zayn barely left his house, doing most of his writing cooped up in Liam's study, even when the older man was gone to work, he figured it was reasonable to ask Zayn to finally meet Louis.

Kissing the nape of the smaller boy's neck repeatedly, Liam pulled away, only to swivel Zayn around.

"No one is physically capable of hating you," he joked, hand coming up to cup Zayn's jaw. "You do that thing with your face and your lips go all pouty. The closes to hatred Louis could come to, would be because you'd refuse to blow his dick with those sinful lips of yours".

"Leeyum," whined the younger boy, reaching out to slap Liam's hand away. "I'm being serious," Zayn said as he frowned, his hands once again shaking.

Unable to see him so upset, Liam took the boy's hand in his own, rubbing his thumbs along Zayn's wrist.

"I'll give him a call, say I'm feeling off," he offered.

 Immediately, Liam could feel Zayn's relief, the aura around the boy no longer thick with angst.

"You'd do that?" Zayn gasped, finally lifting his head to look at the older boy, eyes filled with tears.

Nodding, Liam pressed an intricate kiss to the boy's lips, filled with the words he had been unable to say in the last two months but hung between them with every touch. He could write an entire book with his tongue and lips about the way he felt for Zayn, but three words were too much for him to say. "Whatever you prefer".

The younger lad reached out, fingers delving in the loopholes of Liam's jeans to pull him forth. "You're so completely different," whispered Zayn, biting on his own bottom lip as if he didn't understand.

There was something he wasn't saying, something Liam wanted to ask him about, but he didn't know how to. Too often they had these moments where the smaller boy seemed confused by Liam's acceptance and affection towards him. It was worrisome really, and Liam hated feeling as though they couldn't be fully honest with one another. Yet, the truth remained that even though they acted as a couple, that they basically lived together and spent practically every spare minute they had together, they were not a couple. Never had they officialized their status, never had the boy uttered the words "boyfriend" or "love" in Liam's presence. It troubled him.

He hated to admit it, but this constant questioning regarding the status of their relationship was a lot more painful than he thought it ever could be. Still, Liam couldn't blame the younger boy because he too hadn't found the courage to say the words. So many times, they'd been on the tip of his tongue, seconds from fumbling out but every time, Liam stopped himself. His past was too present in his mind, forever reminding him just how many times people had thought he wasn't good enough for their hearts and a permanent place in their lives. In his book, confessions of love were usually the trigger to a breakup, where he was always left broken with nothing in hand.

Liam didn't want the same thing to happen with Zayn, and so, he stayed silent. Bound by the burning ashes of his failed lovers.

And even though Liam wanted to call Zayn his boyfriend, to parade him around and shower him in gifts, he knew that their relationship was unusual. Not only was it unusual because of the business deal intertwined in it, but also because they were both at drastically different periods of their lives. Liam wanted to be more than just a fuck to the boy and even if he felt they were indeed more, he was unable to ask for more from Zayn because he remembered what being nineteen felt like. It was a constant search of one's self, filled with so many questions and new experiences that a long term, committed relationship surely wasn't what anyone at that age wanted or needed.

So Liam waited, hoping that maybe Zayn would be different. Perhaps the raven haired boy would say the words first. Perhaps he'd make Liam feel as though he mattered for once in his life. Maybe their relationship was different. Maybe Zayn was different, or at least, Liam hoped he was.

"How am I different?" asked Liam, the blur in his mind colliding with Zayn's words, but before he could get a definite answer, the harmonious chime of the doorbell resonated through the house, announcing Louis's arrival.

Zayn was out of arms reached almost instantaneously, heading towards the front door without hesitation.

"What are you doing?" called out Liam, suddenly nervous as if he'd absorbed all of Zayn's jitters.

There was no answer from the smaller lad, nor were there any distinct noises coming from the entryway. That's a good start thought Liam as he took the fresh tortilla breads out of the oven, they haven't killed each other, yet.

Louis wasn't exactly easy to deal with, Liam knew that. It was one of the main reasons why he'd agreed it was best to wait before they met and Zayn had one hell of an attitude when he made up his mind so maybe he was setting himself up for disaster. He was the master of horrible plans after all.

Looking down at Loki, Liam sighed. "Maybe we should hide all the sharp objects. What do you think, boy?"

The pup shuffled around, and Liam took that as a sign of agreement, quickly grabbing the steak knives and replacing them with regular butter knives.

"I'm an idiot," he whispered to himself as he fumbled to put the cutlery away before he was caught in action.

And just as Liam started to wonder if he should check on Zayn, the lack of noise coming from the entrance causing plenty of bloody scenarios to develop in his mind, Louis barged into the kitchen, a bottle of red wine in each hand.

"Have you seen this boy's fucking cheekbones?" Louis asked, radiating with energy as he shoved both bottles of alcohol at Liam.

"I can see why you've been hiding him. If it were me, I'd have him chained to my bed, naked," purred his best friend.

"Louis!" gasped Liam,  approaching Zayn to squeeze his hip as the boy shied away from what was a Tomlinson compliment in disguise. "Behave yourself, would you? I actually want Zayn to stick around once you leave".

Liam felt Zayn melt into his side, as if silently acknowledging with his body that he wasn't going anywhere, anytime soon. Content, Liam did the same, wrapping his arm around the boy's shoulders.

Dismissing the comment and their demonstration of affection towards one another, Louis turned to Zayn, pointing at him with a bottle opener he'd snatched from the marble counter.

"Let's get plastered," announced his best friend, a dangerous smile playing on his lips.

Liam knew that look perfectly well, it was exactly the one Louis had worn a few hours before they had ended up in jail for the night, while visiting Vegas. Apparently drug lords, ping pong and Louis's big mouth didn't mix all that well.

Shaking his head with laughter, Liam took a step towards Louis, hugging him hello as he smiled to Zayn over his friend's shoulder, mouthing a _thank you_.

The younger lad nodded, his own lips curving into a shy acknowledgment.

"Get off me, Payne," shrieked Louis, shoving at Liam's chest, before grabbing a glass of wine that was settled just out of arms reach. For a second Louis seemed to subtly assess Liam's mood, almost as if he was asking permission to go towards Zayn. It was surprising to Liam at first, considering Louis was usually the least subtle person alive, and didn't tend to give a damn what anyone else thought about what he said or did.

But Liam gave him a curt nod, recognizing Louis's efforts before turning to gather the food, assuming that both men would direct themselves to the dining room. Yet an instant later, Liam felt a presence by his side and he instantly knew it was Zayn without turning in the boy's direction. Maybe it was the aroma, the younger boy constantly smelled of a mixture of Liam's own cologne, nicotine, and citrus from his shampoo. Or maybe it was the fact that every time Zayn was within two feet of him, Liam could sense it in his core. His stomach would tighten, leaving him breathless as an electrifying feeling ran course through his body. It was like a magnetism, pulling him in the direction he wasn't meant to be, but always pulling him towards Zayn.

"Let me do that," Zayn said as he grabbed the plate of naan from Liam's hand, kissing his cheek before turning away. "Go catch up with Louis, I'll be out with the food in a minute."

Looking in Louis direction as he could feel his best friend starring, Liam leaned in, pressing a hand to the small of Zayn's back. "You sure, babe?"

The boy flushed at the nickname, hands busying themselves with the various condiments.

"Certain," Zayn replied as he smiled, before turning to Louis. "Get him out of my way, would you?" the young boy said, a teasing note in his voice as he winked at Louis.

And Liam's best friend just stood there for a minute, shocked but amused before he burst out laughing. Gripping tightly onto Liam's bicep he motioned him towards the dining room, grabbing a bottle of wine and an opener as he went. Liam wondered what had happened in the entrance for them to be so open and friendly with one another.

"I think I'm going to love your boyfriend, Liam," chucked Louis as he went, oblivious to what he had just done. But Liam knew the shit storm that was about to go down from the shift in the air as the single word was uttered.

Even if Zayn had his back to him, he could see how the boy's shoulders had tensed at the title, his form now unmoving. Suddenly, Liam felt as though he couldn't breathe, his mouth was dry and his skin itched. It was as if the world stopped spinning for a few seconds, as the raven haired boy turned in his direction, their eyes meeting for the briefest of instance before it was all over.

That infinite second in time where everything could change in their relationship had just passed and died and as Louis engulfed Liam in an embrace and rounded the corner into the dining room, Zayn disappeared behind a plaster wall. His eyes had been cast down, glasses on the tip of his noses as the boy chewed desperately at his lip. There was not an image more beautiful in the world thought Liam, and yet he knew that this might just be the beginning to the end.

________________________________________________________________________________

Flopping down, face first onto the royal blue duvet, Zayn groaned.

"I'm exhausted," mumbled the boy, turning over on his back, eyes fixed on Liam as the older man started undoing the buttons of his shirt.

Liam grinned, although he knew there was a storm raging in his own mind. "Louis tends to have that affect on people".

Shuffling forward, Zayn settled at the end of the bed, pushing Liam's hands away, desperately seeking any kind of connection.

"Let me do that," said the younger boy, voice barely audible.

Liam allowed his hands to fall at his side as he observed Zayn's fingers prying at his shirt, before spreading over his chest, the shirt falling from his shoulders to the ground.

There was an uncomfortable silence between both men, the first of the night really, but it was now apparent and thick as they stared at one another. Liam studied the boy's features, looking for a hint of something, but all he found was confusion.

Overall the night had been pleasant, filled with Louis's wild stories and Zayn's bubbly laughter. Plenty of wine was drank, although the younger boy had abstained, making Liam wonder if it was a tactical decision on Zayn's part to stay sober in order to handle Louis to the best of his abilities or it was a religious choice.

However, in the end it didn't matter, because even though Liam's lips were now stained dark red from the wine, and his mind worked a little on the slow side, he was not drunk enough to ignore the look embedded in Zayn's beautiful face. Still, Liam knew that the boy had enjoyed himself, even after Louis had dropped the "boyfriend" bomb.

As they'd settled in the dining room, Louis had been oblivious to the situation, pouring copious amounts of wine for both of them to drink, but Liam had nervously awaited Zayn's arrival. The younger boy had stumbled through the door a few minutes later, tripping lightly over his own feet as he anxiously looked around to see if they had noticed, before making his way around the table, distributing the deliciously smelling food.

To Louis's credit, he had played things off perfectly, making no allusion to the way Zayn seemed to loosely drop things at first, or stutter when asked direct questions. With time though, his best friend had been completely at ease in making Zayn feel welcome. As Liam had asked, Louis stayed clear of certain topics, religion and the boy's father included. It's not that Liam didn't trust his friend in addressing the topics with respect, but rather he wanted to avoid any possibility of Zayn growing unnecessarily uncomfortable. After all, meeting Louis was already enough of a stress, the younger boy didn't need to feel pressured as if he was being interviewed.

"Are you ok with what Louis said?", Liam finally blurted out, lost in the haze of his own unraveling mind.

Zayn was looking up at him from under long lashes as he seemed to assess the question for a bit, hands resting on Liam's hips. Tension built between both men before Zayn leaned in, burying his face in Liam's stomach. The younger boy pressed his lips just above the waistband of Liam's jeans, where the skin traced the lines of his lower abs. He could feel the frame of Zayn's glasses digging into his skin but he stayed silent, wanting an answer that wasn't precipitated or forced.

With hopes of encouraging Zayn, Liam threaded his fingers through the boy's black hair, eliciting a heated moan.

"You've never said that word," breathed Zayn, the warm air sparking a shiver through Liam's body. "I thought you didn't want that. Or at least that you didn't want that with me".

Forthwith, relief and pain flooded Liam as his shoulder's sagged with the breath he released, sinking down to his knees to be at eye level with Zayn, he shook his head.

"We're ridiculous," sighed Liam as he nibbled at the boy's jaw, causing Zayn to jerk back.

"What?"

Shaking his head again, no words to express how he felt, Liam simply shut his brain off, leaning in to devour Zayn's mouth. And the boy delved into the embrace completely blindsided, his confusion being felt in his lips, but Liam forced them to partake, biting at Zayn's already swollen mouth.

 _"Liam_ ," moaned the boy, his voice shaking with uncertainty. Or maybe it was need.

Pulling away, Liam pushed Zayn down on the mattress, admiring the flush in the boy's cheeks, the tousled hair and the already fucked out look in his eyes. He undid the boy's shirt, helping him out of it before tracing the lines of his abdomen.

He was lost in thought, so many things colliding in his mind as his fingertips skimmed over the boy's skin. Zayn whimpered underneath his touch, wiggling his hips as if inviting Liam to settle upon them. But the older man stayed put, kneeling at the foot of the bed, his figure casting a shadow over the younger boy's body.

Frowning, Zayn reached out, grabbing on to Liam's golden chain around his neck to draw the older man in. Their lips met slowly, a kiss that screamed with insecurity.

"What's wrong?" asked the smaller boy as their mouths discounted, his voice filled with hesitation which had Liam's heart bleeding instantly.

Even now, when they were in bed together, both half-hard and lost in the haze of their own passions, Zayn was doubting Liam's motives. There seemed to be a continuous skepticism on each of their parts, as if neither men could believe that the other wanted such a relationship. They were like broken pieces of different objects trying to glue themselves back together separately, when maybe all they needed to do was join forces to mend themselves together.

Touching his forehead to Zayn's, Liam closed his eyes, feeling the thundering sound of his own heart pulsing through his ears. In that instance he swore he could feel his blood rushing through his body, gathering in his face as his breath quickened. Perhaps this time would be different he thought as he sighed, finger's digging in the boy's hips, looking for a permanent anchor.

I want to be yours, he thought as he felt his lips ghost over Zayn's own, finally opening the door and throwing himself into the open possibility.

"I'm in love with you," Liam admitted, falling head first into the abyss that loving this boy had become.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it was so long for me to update! Loads of personal things happening and I struggled to get through this chapter. Its more emotional I guess, leading to big things so I wanted to get it done right. 
> 
> Hopefully you all enjoy it. I can't wait to hear what you have to say about it!  
> Hit me up on my tumblr if you want!
> 
> romancemesomeziam.tumblr.com

The air surrounding them stood heavy, nothing but their labored breathing disturbing the silence as time slipped away. They stayed unmoving, their lips brushing yet never really connecting.

Liam could feel his stomach clenching in knots, his heart lodge deep in his throat as nervousness shook his body. His arms were straining under the weight of his own body, but he kept himself up and away from Zayn, unwilling to demand anything from the boy after the tremendous admission.

 But as the minutes continued to drift away and nothing occurred, Liam simply had to force his eyes open, no longer able to patiently wait for a response. He felt as if he was drowning when he noticed the tears streaming down Zayn's cheeks, the boy's eyes firmly pressed closed as he constantly tried to swallow.

"Fuck Zayn," breathed Liam, pulling away to sit at the boy's side, uncertain what to do with himself. His fingers reached out to swipe at the wet stains upon Zayn's face but pulled away, realizing his touch might be the last thing desired. Guilt started bubbling in his chest as he watched the smaller boy's silent tears mark his beautiful face.

"Talk to me babe," Liam begged, his hand settling on Zayn's knee, craving the connection to appease his own heart but fearing the reaction it would elicit in the trembling boy. When he felt Zayn lean into his touch, he allowed himself to gather the boy in his lap, wrapping his arms around him, offering a protective shelter. The only problem being that Liam didn't know what he was protecting Zayn from. The tears were a surprise, shaking Liam to his very essence. The pain he felt as he watched the younger boy struggle to breathe gripped at his heart, making his own respiration tight.

Pressing his lips lightly to the Zayn's forehead, Liam could not help but feel devastated. Along the path of his poor luck in relationships, he had gotten many unfortunate reactions, yet none had ever been like this.

As he rubbed gentle circles into Zayn's back, the tan skin warm again his fingers, Liam sighed, resigned to his lonely faith. _You made the boy you claim to love cry_ , he thought to himself, a whirlwind of emotions dragging him down into a tunnel of guilt.

Liam frowned, eyes tracing the shaking figure in his arms.

"You don't have to say it back", he tried, pulling off Zayn's glasses that were now stained with dried tears to set them on the nightstand a few feet away. As he turned back to focus his attention on Zayn, he felt the boy's sudden reaction as strong fingers dug their way into his bicep, holding on tightly.

"You shouldn't have said that," mumbled Zayn, eyes filled with unshed tears.

But before Liam could reply to the statement, demanding lips were pressed to his own, dictating a ferocious kiss like nothing they had ever shared before. He could feel Zayn all over him, clawing at his shoulders as they fell back onto the mattress, tumbling into one another. It was desperately clumsy, filled with need and passion but underlined with heartbreaking pain.

Zayn's fingers spread over the back of Liam's head, fisting into the older man's hair to force his head back, exposing his neck. The minute it was uncovered, the younger boy all but attacked him, sucking bruising marks into the stubble covered skin.

Liam's mind was fogged with overwhelming desire, the pressure of Zayn's body against his own dragging shameless moans from his mouth. Yet, he simply could not give himself up completely to the boy's persistent distraction, the nagging sensation coursing through his body was too strong to ignore.

"Zayn stop", Liam tried, his weak demand falling upon deaf ears as Zayn kept kissing his neck, making his way back to Liam's own mouth.

Suddenly filled with anger, stemming from the confusion and the hurt from being partially rejected, Liam took hold of Zayn's wandering hands, flipping them over so the younger boy was pinned to the mattress, arms above his head. Their eyes met in the dimly lit room, both searching for understanding.

The tension between them was palpable, but the fear and confusion etched into Zayn's features had Liam relaxing. Releasing his grip on the boy's wrist, he leaned back, keeping his thighs surrounding Zayn's waist. The younger lad was no longer crying, his cheeks still stained from the overwhelming emotion, but his body was shaking, a gasp escaping his lips when Liam pressed a soft hand to his face.

"Why did you say that, Zayn?" whispered Liam, afraid that his confusion would transpire into his intonation and be misinterpreted in the heat of things.

The light from the adjacent bathroom was on, casting kaleidoscopic shadows across the smaller boy's features. Without the thick frames masking his face, Liam realized just how vulnerably young Zayn was, making him question his own words.

So many times over the last two months, Liam had wondered if he was doing the right thing, allowing himself to get attached to Zayn. His mother had always told him as a child that he was naive, falling for everything and nothing, too hard and too quickly. The truth being that Liam's heart battled his conscious daily, but the soft smiles and delicate touch embedded in his skin by Zayn always were the true victors. Liam could never deny Zayn anything. He was already in too deep.

So when Zayn looked up at Liam with red-rimmed eyes, pleading for acceptance and silence, the boy's small shaking hand coming up to cover Liam's own upon his cheek, Liam knew the topic would be dropped quickly. He would do anything to avoid any harm done to the younger boy, including refuting his own emotions.

Faking a yawn, Zayn reached out again, fingers splaying on the back of Liam's head, pulling him down.

"I'm just tired," the boy sighed, rubbing at his eyes as if to prove a point.

Hesitation rolling around in his mind, Liam captured the boy's chin between his fingers, making eye contact.

"Zay-," he started.

"Please Liam," interrupted Zayn, fumbling lips pressing lightly to the center of Liam's chest.

Sighing in defeat, the older man nodded, releasing the boy's face to wrap a strong arm around his shoulders, lying down in a tangle of limbs.

The silence enveloped the room once more as Liam stretched out to close the lamp on the nearby night stand, turning the room into a dark prison.

As Zayn settled in his usual position, head resting upon Liam's shoulder with an arm wrapped around his waist, Liam couldn't stop his mind from rushing in every which direction. Everything about their relationship was so naturally routinely and Liam loved it. Even now, after what could be considered their first argument, Liam felt the undying need to touch Zayn. To feel his skin, and hear his slowing breath. But the words rejection, failure and idiot echoed in Liam's mind, shoving at one another as if trying to determine which would conquer the other.

He felt like a complete fool, trapped in the undying quest for love that was starting to feel like a scam. Never before had he felt so strongly wounded by silence, every bone in his body aching for something as Zayn seemed to settle easily, as if nothing ever happened. Liam on the other hand wanted nothing more than to escape the confines of his own bed. He needed to run a marathon, to throw a few punches, to make his muscle ache until he could clasp into slumber without thought.

But the warm body pressed tightly against his side kept him anchored to the bed, his mind racing with broken dreams of what he thought could have been, yet he could not bring himself to care all that much. Perhaps he wasn't meant for true love, to find his soul mate and have his happily ever after. But maybe he could find pleasure and happiness in the short relationship he had built with Zayn. It was young and blossoming, surely filled with future obstacles and questions, starting with the reasoning behind tonight's freak out. Nevertheless, it was more than Liam had ever found before, and greater than anything he had fantasied about in the past.

Tracing his fingers along Zayn's arm, Liam felt the younger boy shudder against his side, pressing in closer to find comfort and warmth. If Zayn didn't want love to be involved, that he wanted to continue what they have commenced, Liam could deal with that. Liam realized that he had found more satisfaction and self accomplishment in such a short period of time with the younger boy than he had ever found in his work or any other relationship. Age had no meaning.

 _Maybe you're not fully mine,_ Liam thought, bringing his hand to tangle through the boy's growing black hair, lips brushing his forehead, _But I'm truly yours._

Time would be needed however to heal the cracks that had erupted through Liam's heart, barely whole at the moment, struggling to stay together at the chaotic reaction to his love admission. Allowing his mind to calm, Liam started drifting into sleep, lulled by the uneven breathing of his lover ghosting over his chest. And just as he was about to be engulfed by the obscurity of dreamless slumber, fingers moved across his hip to settle over his heart.

Liam stayed silent and unmoving, even if his body twitched, craving to react. He had thought the younger boy asleep but had evidently been mistaken, as gentle fingers danced across his skin in random patterns. The comfort of the small touch was enough to appease his aching heart for now, heavy eyes closing under the pressure of emotion.

And as his mind blurred between the lines of consciousness, Liam felt delicate fingers writing, _I love you too_ , upon his heart, leaving him to question if it was a dream or a reality.

****

When Liam woke in the early hours of the morning, the sun was barely rising, light dimly shinning through the curtains to dusk golden patterns across the walls of his room. He felt incredibly warm, his skin covered in a thin sheer of sweat as he rolled over, nose suddenly buried in soft hair.

He smiled at the familiar aroma of nicotine and chocolate, arms wrapping themselves tightly around Zayn's waist. Yet, as the daze of sleep evaporated slowly, Liam could start feeling the repeated thumping in his head, accompanied with a pasty taste in his mouth. Drinking with Louis, he remembered, groaning into the younger boy's neck which caused a shiver to rock Zayn's body.

The movement struck flashes through Liam's mind, memories flooding him instantly as he pulled away from Zayn, abruptly reminded of the past evenings downfall occurrence. He felt the rejection and guilt crash upon him, as a tsunami did upon deserted beaches, taking everything with it on its passage.

Edging away from Zayn's still sleeping form, Liam made his way to the bathroom, splashing water on his face. He needed to move, to get the tension out of his body, but mostly he needed to be alone, to think and process everything that had happened.

Had Zayn actually traced the words _I love you,_ on his chest or had that simply been Liam's hopeful imagination trying to appease the raging storm of emotions that had been building in his heart. Unable to withstand the uncertainly, Liam grabbed a nearby pair of nylon shorts, stuffing his feet into a pair of trainers before tip toeing out the room. His plan was simple, run until his muscles burned and every breath he took felt like fire. Maybe then would his mind have burned the memories of the previous night and allow him to rebuild his future from the ashes.

*******

Liam wasn't actually surprised when he found an empty bed upon his return, in all honesty, he'd expected it. Zayn had a habit of skipping out when things got complicated, or rather when he had to provide explanations for his actions or the words he said.

It was the frustrating part of their relationship, one Liam could usually live with quite easily since they rarely disagreed on anything, but now that he stood alone in his humongous master suite,  he couldn't help but feel irritated.

He'd offered Zayn nothing but love and support over their time together, and the boy's reluctance to share whatever was wrong, had Liam wounded. He wanted to be Zayn safe haven, to be trusted just as much as he did, and maybe naively that wasn't what he was suppose to do, yet it remained what he desired.

_________________________________________________________________

Two days and an embarrassing amount of unanswered calls and text later, Liam found himself pacing the blue patterned carpet of his office, his cell phone tightly clutched in hand. He kept clicking the device open, as if expecting a reply to magically appear, but for over 48 hours it had remained silent, apart for the printing press advising him that Zayn's official story boards were ready.

Hadn't that just been another stab to the already growing wounds in Liam's heart, as he had made his way out to pick up the large bundle of prints.

Liam had spent the previous night with a stale beer in hand and Loki cuddling his side, starring mindlessly at the brown-paper wrapped boards lying on his coffee table, unable to withstand opening them without Zayn.

This was the end of their collaboration really, what they been had meant to be doing all along. Its why Yaser Malik had been so excited about their collaboration, because Liam had a gift to aid writers in developing their potential. Liam wasn't suppose to court the man's son and fall in love with him.

And now, with the surprising unfolding of events, Liam started to wonder if it this would be the end of his relationship with Zayn. Technically, the younger boy had no reason to see him anymore, and maybe the love admission had simply scared him off. Zayn could easily send out the boards to be printed without Liam, his father would surely help him publish his graphic novel even if it wasn't what the boy had originally planned to write. Plus, there was always that special copy of the graphic novel that Liam had secretly been putting together, the literary aspect of the graphic novel only being bounded into a book, creating a novel in itself. It was an amazing piece of work, even without the images, the words easily captured the reader's attention and brought them into fantastically intricate and unique universe.

Liam was beyond proud of Zayn's work, excited to show Yaser the progress and development of his son's endeavor.

So even now, after being ignored, there was still a hopeful part of Liam that refused to believe that his time with Zayn and their relationship had been built on nothing but shallow illusions. Grabbing the story boards from where he had hidden them behind his office door, Liam all but run down the 20 some flights of stairs to the car park, his hands shaking as he shoved the precious pieces of laminated paper into the passenger seat and ignited the roar of the dormant Audi. In record time, Liam made his way across town, accidentally speeding through a red light as his mind wandered to the morning.

He had realized just how empty his home seemed without the raven haired boy as he had woken to complete silence and not to Zayn's hushed whispers as he played with a sleepy Loki. Yet the house was filled with lingering traces of the boy. Art supplies were sprawled over the floor in the study, an ashtray by the window leading to the porch in the bedroom. There were stains on the mirror from the messy way Zayn would brush his teeth, which Liam used to complain about, wiping them down every night after the younger boy was done. But now, Liam missed those little details, letting the small minty splatters across the mirror because cleaning them away felt like removing the Zayn's presence from his home.

Liam could see his fingers shaking as he tightened his hold on the wheel, turning into the driveway of Zayn's flat complex. The gray skies above seemed to encompass his emotion, uncertain with a chance of rain.

Hugging the storyboards to his chest, Liam made his way to the top floor, stopping his hand inches from the door just as he was about to knock on the cherry wood that separated him from the man he loved. Liam felt like a child, awaiting for the unknown as he fidgeting with the weights in his hand before giving in to his impulsion, knocking loudly.

He could hearing ruffling, muffled behind the thickness of the door, as footsteps made their way towards him. Liam heart rate quickened with anticipation, suddenly overjoyed that he was about to see Zayn again, even if the outcome of his visit might not please the younger boy.

When the door cracked open, it wasn't Zayn that answered, but rather revealed bleach blond hair, and electric blue eyes, encompassed by a soft face of a man that had to be years older than Zayn.

"Yeah mate?" asked the man, confusion spreading over his features, a thick irish accent stifling his words.

Liam frowned. "I'm here for Zayn."

"Oh".

Stepping aside, the man signalled for Liam to enter, an awkward silence invading the space between them. He heard the door clicking shut behind him, as he turned to face the blond man, so many questions on the tip of his tongue. The first being, why was this man in Zayn's flat.

"He said you might come around," said the blond, walking towards the kitchen island to grab a piece of paper, before shoving it in Liam's direction. "He left this for you".

"An address," mumbled Liam as he read the familiar messy scrawl across the torn piece of paper. Looking up, eyes searching for an explanation he found the stranger starring at him, a huge grin plastered to his face.

"What?" Liam asked, suddenly self conscious.

With a non-committed shrug, the man walked past him, hand falling on a frame that Liam didn't remember being there on Zayn's birthday. The blond took his time, opening the frame to take the picture out, making his way back towards Liam.

"He really likes you to give you that address," said the blond, handing over an image of what looked like a much younger Zayn and a curly haired lad. "Don't let the details ruin things".

Puzzled, Liam took the offered image, fingers unconsciously tracing Zayn's younger features.

"What details?" he asked roughly, the unexpected turn of events edging his anxiety towards a precipice.

Laughing, the stranger clapped Liam's shoulder, as if they'd been friends for years.

"He said you were quite impatient," chuckled the man, leading Liam back towards the entrance. "Just remember, he's a good lad."

Nodding because he didn't know what else to do, Liam stepped out of the flat, his blood rushing in his veins with apprehension and yet excitement. Zayn had thought about him, left a bread crumb trail for him to follow. He wanted to be found, which was good. Perhaps it was the first piece of trust they needed to share in order to jump the obstacle that three little words had created.

"Thanks?" offered Liam, a questioning note to his tone as he looked back at the man, now leaning in the doorway.

With a smile, the blond extended his hand, clasping Liam's own. "Name's Niall, it was nice to finally meeting you, Liam".

"You know who I am?"

"Of course I do", answered Niall, as if the possibility of him not knowing Liam was the most absurd thing in the world. "He has rules to follow, daily check in points".

"Wha-" begun Liam, but was interrupted by the blond waving a hand between them.

"Not saying anything more, mate," Niall said, backing up so he was now inside the flat, hand on the door. "You're wasting time anyways".

Confused, Liam nodded again. "Thanks, I guess".

The blond saluted him, closing the door between them as Liam starting walking away, back towards his car. His hands were now sweaty, the storyboards slipping from between his fingers as he made his way down the stairs. He was engulfed by the picture of a younger Zayn, arm carelessly thrown around a boy with huge green eyes. Both boys were smiling widely, their sides pressed intimately together as Zayn's leg was nonchalantly resting across the other boy's lap.

Lost with all the new variables to handle, Liam reached his car, the confines of the Audi lifting his mood as the now smoke embedded leather reminded him just how present Zayn was in his life. Literally all aspects of Liam life were tainted by Zayn's essence, and Liam was now determined to find the boy, have a serious discussion with him and hopefully bring him home.

A home that maybe could be theirs, if Zayn could find it in himself to trust Liam with his heart, just as much as he did with his graphic novel.


	8. this is technically chapter 7 part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ok I just felt like Chapter 7 was incomplete so I added this little piece. I'm adding it separately because it doesn't fully fit into chapter 7, but its not the beginning of 8 either. Anyways..enough with my rambling. Enjoy!

The robotic voice of the GPS lead Liam down a curvy dirt road, far out in the countryside where towns were scarce and tiny. Liam was getting worried as the hour mark crept by, any sign of civilization long forgotten as he crossed more sheep than people. The skies above were getting darker as he continued his way through the empty fields, entering a wooded area that casted shadows upon themselves, making the drive quite complex in the obscurity.

A light drizzle began, causing a thin coat of fog to cover the road ahead. Shifting gears, Liam slowed, even though his heart was still racing at the idea of reaching his destination. So many questions coursed through his mind at the idea of finally seeing Zayn again, but Liam was starting to wonder if this address really lead him to the boy.

Why would Zayn be so far out of town, in the desolated country side where broken down and abandoned farms littering the side of the road were more common than human interaction.

Zayn was an artist, maybe the address lead to his safe haven, where he found inspiration. But Liam couldn't imagine how the boy would have come across such a place, the Google search about the postal code coming up quite empty.

Just as Liam was about to stop and search for the next town over, an abrupt curved opened into a wide clearing, a majestic castle like building coming into view. The numerous vines creeping up the ancient stonewalls however gave the place a cryptic feel. Only then did Liam notice the black sooth across the walls, ashes and smoke debris no doubt left behind by a blazing fire covering the unkempt ground. The building had to be abandoned, as boards were nailed to the door and panels from the farthest windows swung wildly with the growing winds. Stopping the car at a safe distance, Liam stepped out into the cold weather, tightening his jacket around his middle as he shivered.

There were no signs of Zayn anywhere, the ruins of the castle and the howling winds blending together into what could be the disturbing beginning to a horror movie.

Taking a step forth, Liam wasn't sure where to begin his search for Zayn, the grounds of the property seemed massive, and the large numbers over the door, in a rusted gold and copper tone indicated that this was indeed where he was suppose to be. Frowning to himself, Liam looked at his surroundings, nothing but giants trees outlining the road he'd come from could be seen for miles. The curve of the road disappeared quickly, leaving him isolated from the world in his own reclusive mystery, to discover just what Zayn had brought him here for.

A lonely bird flew over his head, attracting his attention as it gracefully flapped its wings to circle the buildings high flag. Further down the rooftop, Liam could see a figure, barely moving standing on the ledge of the building, arms outstretched.

"Zayn," Liam breathed in relief, before he saw the boy's foot lifting from the ledge above the empty air.

Gasping, Liam's entire being froze with panic, the thought of Zayn falling to his impending death sending blinding pain through his mind. He wanted to call out the boy's name, run to him and drag him away from this place but the last thing he wanted was to startle Zayn and lead him to a disastrous fall.

Forcing his mind to gear up, putting it into motion, Liam's body moved on its own accord, seeking the nearest route to make his way up to Zayn. He found a rusted emergency ladder littering the side of the west wall. Even if it didn't look all that safe, Liam was too desperate to get to Zayn to try and figure out a better plan. Carelessly, he began his ascension, testing forcefully every post before pulling himself up higher, ensuring his own security.

When his feet finally were back on solid ground, Liam looked around him, trying to see where Zayn was now at. The boy had walked along the narrow edge of the building, his back to Liam, completely oblivious to the intrusion. Trying to make his presence known, but without wanting to startle Zayn, Liam jogged across the wet stone towards the boy, eyes never leaving his target.

The closer he got, the more defined Zayn's profile became. The boy was now immobile, arms wrapped around himself as if shielding his core from the freezing wind. His trainers were dragging across the hard surface beneath his feet, but Zayn never moved, eyes cast down. He looked unbelievably broken as he reached up with his fist, rubbing at his eyes, the thick black frames pushed up higher on his face. There was a little bit of stubble on his jaw, which was quite unusual, a first Liam had ever seen really.

Even though he practically woke up to Zayn every morning, the sight before him was not one Liam was used to. The boy seemed tired and disheveled, a huge plaid shirt hanging off his thin shoulders. Liam recognized the button down, it was one of his own, the red and black shirt he'd gotten on his trip to Canada last winter. It was one of Zayn's favourite even if it was humongous on him, the cuff sleeve coming down further than his fingers. But the boy had taken to the shirt, wearing nothing but that while roaming the house, pen in hand to write ideas on himself if they came to him randomly.

The memories had Liam smiling briefly, remembering just how much the shirt now smelled more of Zayn than himself,  and how the boy had desperately tried to change the scent. He'd found Zayn naked in the bathroom one morning, waving the shirt in the air as he sprayed it with Liam's cologne. The sight had been one for the books, the light blush spreading over the boy's cheeks once discovered, even better. Zayn had shyly button the shirt back on, settling the bottle of expensive cologne back in the pharmacy as he bit his lip raw, fingers fumbling with the pen that was stashed behind his ear.

Liam had laughed, stating next time Zayn should just rub the shirt over Liam's chest after a shower. The boy had scolded him, claiming he just liked the scent, that it was good for inspiration and Liam had nodded silently, enveloping Zayn in warm kisses and touches. But deep down the event had become one of the numerous reasons why he'd fallen for Zayn, captivated by the innocence and amazement in the boy's eyes.  

He needed to save that same innocence, to reach Zayn and wrap him in his arms once again. Stopping a few feet behind the boy, Liam searched for any signs that his presence was known. When he realized Zayn was completely oblivious to him, no doubt lost in his own world as he sometimes seem to disconnect himself from reality, Liam coughed, hoping to drag Zayn out of fantasy.

The sudden flutter of long eyelashes, casting shadows along Zayn's cheeks as he turned to face Liam, left the older man breathless.

"You came," whispered the raven haired boy, voice broken and raw, eyes still filled with tears.

And Liam did the only thing he could, stepping up to Zayn in a few long strides to drape himself around the younger boy, his senses attacked as he rekindled with the touch. The smell, the feel and even the boy's small sobs felt like home, Liam thought as he cradled Zayn's head to his chest, mumbling incoherent words of comfort.

"You're OK," Liam said, lips brushing along the top of Zayn's head. He was uncertain if he was trying to convince himself or reassure Zayn as he repeated the phrase, hold tightening upon the boy's body.

Rocking each other in comfort, they stay silent as they bathed in each other's presence. Liam felt more alive in the last minute than he had in the past few days, the realization strengthening his earlier admission.

After what seemed like seconds, but had to be a numerous minutes, Liam felt the younger boy pushing lightly at his chest, but not in repulsion. Zayn's arms were still tightly wrapped around his waist, fingers clinging desperately to the material of his shirt.

Liam pulled away slightly, looking down at Zayn's wide amber eyes filled with conflict.

"I need to be honest with you," quietly mumbled Zayn, leaning in to press his forehead to the center of Liam's chest. "It's important that you listen".

Threading his fingers through the familiar black locks, Liam pulled slightly at the boy's hair until Zayn tilted his head back again, looking up at Liam through teary eyes.

"Always," Liam echoed, a promise he meant in the intensity of the moment but surely nothing could prepare him for the words that were about to leave Zayn's lips to brand the glacial wind.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm really nervous.. Come find me when you're done. Please send me your comments!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In no way shape or form does this reflect the opinions of the characters in reality. This is a story that is pure fiction and in no way based upon the real people's opinions, ideals and views on the matter.

Niall's words were resonating through Liam's mind as he waited for Zayn's explanation. The wind was spiraling around them, stinging his skin with frozen gushes. Zayn had broken the embrace, returning to the ledge, his feet lazily catching in the lines of the roofing. Liam ached to pull Zayn into his body, to wrap his arms around the trembling boy, but deep down he knew it was the last thing he should do.

Zayn was obviously struggling, words tied upon his tongue as he avoided Liam's gaze. The younger boy's eyes glided along the horizon, hands pushed deep into his pockets. And Liam knew he was probably fidgeting, hiding his hands because if he didn't, he'd be turning the white gold band he wore upon his long middle finger. A nervous tick Liam had once teased the boy about, earning a scold and a refusal to a second helping of buttered chicken. They bickered like a married couple really, thought Liam as he remembered peppering kisses along Zayn's neck as the boy placed the leftovers in the fridge, the older man desperately chasing redemption.

But now Liam's own nervousness was too much to handle, and he allowed himself to take a step forth, hand settling lightly at the small of Zayn's back. The touched seemed to burn the boy, who gasped and stepped away, fingers going up to trace the cigarette settled behind his ear.

"You shouldn't touch me," whispered Zayn, his lowly voice blending in inaudibly with the howl of the wind as he lit the cigarette, cheeks hallowing with the first inhale.

Scoffing, Liam took another step in the boy's direction, avoiding the wave of smoke coming his way. The need to banish those words from Zayn's lips was too strong, simply impossible in his own mind. Enveloping Zayn's smaller frame from behind, Liam placed his chin upon the boy's thin shoulder, hands resting on Zayn's stomach.

"You've never complained before," Liam tried with a smirk, even if it was hidden from Zayn's view. He wanted to lighten the mood, Zayn apparently needed the tension release to say whatever was weighing on him. Liam could feel the boy strung tight in his arms, yet slowly melting into the touch.

 "Just tell me," breathed Liam, fingers smoothing under the material of Zayn's shirt. The skin to skin contact was electrifying, a shiver running through his spin. He felt a similar reaction in Zayn as the boy seemed to lose his footing, leaning back into Liam for support.

For a beat, nothing could be heard but the sound of Zayn's heart, the wind seemed to have been silence by a higher force, the birds that had been circling, now gone. It felt as if they were alone in the world, time coming to a halt when their breathing fell in sync.

"Boys don't love boys," Zayn  started, his voice choked with emotion, eyes focused solely on the forest before them. "Or at least that's what the teachers here used to say".

Slightly startled, Liam allowed Zayn to untangle himself and step away, turning on himself to sit on the ground, facing him. The boy pulled off his glasses, trying to hide silent tears streaming his face as he took another drag of his cigarette. Every urge in Liam was telling him to pick Zayn off the cold ground and carry him to his car, to forget whatever it was that hung between them and move on. But he knew he couldn't do that, that this moment would determine the unfolding of their future. So he stood still, eyes glued to Zayn lithe form as he waited, uncertainty making it difficult to breathe.

Peering up at him Zayn smiled weakly, the first sign of the usually shy and happy boy Liam had gotten use to.

"Would you sit with me?" asked Zayn, hand reaching out.

Without thought, Liam accepted the outstretched hand, intertwining their fingers as he settled next to Zayn, a clear and defined empty space between them but their fingers stayed touching.

"When I was 12," began Zayn, taking the last pull from his cigarette before tossing it off the side of the building, "I used to come to school here."

Liam nodded, curious as to how this was related to him. But he could feel the picture Niall had given him burning a hole in his pocket, so he waited for what was next, hopeful that it would provide answers.

"It used to be this really posh boarding school for boys only," continued Zayn, words dripping with scorn. "It was bound to make us into the best and most successful versions of ourselves we could possibly be but I guess my dad didn't get what he paid for."

Squeezing the boy's fingers between his own, Liam encouraged Zayn along.

"What happened?"

Biting down on his lip as if wondering how to go about the story, Zayn sighed.

"Harry happened".

The name resonated through Liam's brain, as he reached down for the picture offering it to Zayn. The boy's eyes widen as his shaking fingers trace the line of his own younger self.

"Niall told you?" ask Zayn, a tremor to his voice as he leaned into Liam's side.

Shaking his head Liam allowed himself to get lost in the first sign of genuine attraction Zayn was showing, angling his head so his cheek was pressed on the top of Zayn's head.

When they both seemed to have found reassurance from one another as they usually did, Zayn continued.

"I met Harry in my third year and he was a menace really. Always so bubbly and excited, talking to everyone and falling all over the place. I was the complete opposite of him, hiding away in corners, the library was like my home really, but Harry changed that. He fell into my life like a tornado and just ripped me away from my routine and threw me at all these new opportunities. I started hanging out with the cool crowd and I guess that's where I picked up the smoking thing, but the truth is I never really wanted to be around anyone but Harry. "

Zayn exhaled, tired eyes closing as if seeking solstice. His nails were digging deep within the smooth skin of Liam's palm but the older man remained silent, waiting for Zayn to be ready to say more.

"He was like my own personal drug," Zayn conceded, brow furrowed as it recollecting the events "And soon we were inseparable.But..but I started feelings things, things I was told I should never feel towards another man and one night we decided to get spectacularly drunk and I..I kissed him."

Liam was certain the admission would spark jealously in his mind but he found himself oddly calm, fingers forcing Zayn's hand to open so he could draw gentle patterns across the palm with the pad of his fingers. When the younger boy remained silent, eyes tracing the movement of Liam's finger, the older man leaned forward, pressing a quick kiss to Zayn's forehead.

"Did he not reciprocate?" he asked, hating the obvious torment the story was placing Zayn in. This seemed like a deeply personal story, one that Liam almost felt he was robbing the younger boy of. He, himself, had his own personal history, filled with exes he wasn't all that proud of and the thought of sharing those stories simply were unthinkable. But here was Zayn, exposing himself bare, the raw emotions of his past coursing through his body as he hung on to Liam for dear life.

Liam had wanted Zayn to trust him and this was everything he'd desired but now he was at a loss for words, unwilling to cause the boy this much pain to take their relationship to the next level. Yet, Zayn's voice rose, a new string of confidence evident in his tone.

"Quite the contrary," replied Zayn. "He kissed me back and some more. But the headmaster walked in, and lets just say the rest didn't go all too well. We..we both got expelled, my baba ..well he wanted to send be off to military school but mom convinced him otherwise."

Zayn's voice trailled off, his eyes searching for something in the darkening skies before he licked his lips and continued.

"She home schooled me and it was easy I guess. School had always been my thing so I finished my course work ahead of schedule but really, I felt empty. So empty. My baba ...he barely spoke to me, sneered in my direction whenever he actually did. I felt like a dog, chewing at his own leg waiting for the world to end. And at some point he stopped coming home. Said he had too much work to do but everyone knew it was because of me. He couldn't bear to see me, he was..so ashamed. So I guess to make him love me again I started writing. I gave it everything I had and after sometime he, like, changed."

Swallowing the lump in his throat, Liam reached out to wipe at Zayn's silent tears. The boy smiled shyly, turning his face into the touch, lips ghosting along the pads of the older man's fingers before pulling away.

"He came home after a while," Zayn went on, standing to walk a few feet away. "He read my stuff because mom begged him to and l guess he liked it because he started sending it off to people. And..and when he got good comments about it, he began to push me towards writing, so I wrote everything and anything I thought he'd like. I just..I just wanted him to see me for more than his faggot son, but even now.. I know he only pushes the writing thing to compensate for me being gay".

The matter was all too familiar to Liam's own situation with his father, the debate of never being good enough. Being judged upon his sexuality and trying to provide to his dad that he was more than that. That he could be successful but for the first time, now that he was faced with Yaser's issues, Liam knew that both their father's approval meant nothing. Zayn was beyond talented, his writing improving so strongly when the boy drew what he was passionate about in conjunction.

Standing, Liam allowed Zayn to come to him on his own accord, burying his face in the younger boy's neck as he breathed in the scent of what he related to as his home.

"You're a brilliant writer Zayn," he mumbled into the boy's ear, his own past making his voice tight. "And I'll always support you no matter what".

Immediately the boy pulled away, a pained expression painted upon his features. The world around them seemed to begin again, as a light drizzle fell upon them.

"I know you would," cried Zayn, pushing at the wet fringe now matting his forehead. "That's why I lied to you. Because I needed someone to believe in me, I needed someone to care for me without exceptions and boundaries. I wanted that to be you but I can't keep lying to you."

"Whatever it is you have to say, just say it babe, and we'll work it out," assured Liam, the story only having spurred his feelings further. Maybe he wasn't the only one that was broken. Perhaps he had more in common with Zayn than he thought, despite the age gap. And in the end, the broken parts of two shattered hearts could possibly mend into a functioning whole.

"I love you".

"But thats the problem" Zayn sneered, running agitated fingers through his black hair, tugging at the wet strands. "If I love you back my dad will hate me!" all but yelled the boy over the now pouring rain. "But you'll hate me too soon".

"You obviously don't know me if you think I could ever hate you," admitted Liam, knowing in his soul the truth that lay within each word. No matter what the lie was, no matter the pain that may accompany it, Liam had nothing but love for the boy before him, misplaced perhaps but permanently undying.

"I'm not really 19," confessed the younger boy, his soaked clothes sticking to his body giving away just how small he truly was. And Liam wasn't stupid, he knew Zayn's body better than his own, having explored every scar and blemish upon the skin with his own tongue and hands. Yet, now that he looked at Zayn, shivering in the freezing rain, he knew it was true and maybe he'd known all along. He had simply forced his mind not to think about it, to ignore all the signs that screamed that something wasn't right. Love makes you blind after all he thought as he took a step forth, heart hammering in his chest.

"I don't care," Liam realized as the words escaped his lips. And it was true, everything he felt for Zayn was beyond the age gap, the comfort, the routines and way their bodies simply fit together was simply worth more than a number on a birth certificate.

Sighing as if frustrated that Liam didn't care, Zayn frowned, biting violently at his bottom lip.

 "I burned this place down," confessed Zayn, eyes focused on a small building that littered the back of the property that seemed untouched. "I was so angry, with my dad and this place that I came back one night and I was drinking, I didn't notice the vodka I had in my backpack was open and then-n there was-s the cigarette and It was all gone in minutes."

"You didn't mean to," tried Liam, desperately needing to comfort Zayn that was now silently sobbing, arms wrapped around his middle as if holding himself together. The rain was staining his cheeks, making the tears indiscernible but Liam knew they were there, and he wanted nothing more than to kiss them away.

Shaking his head the boy laughed. "Of course you'd say that. I lie to you, commit arson and you even met my legal guardian that takes care of me because my parents don't want me near my sisters anymore and you just ignore everything!"

"I know you", whispered Liam, clutching on to the boy he thought he knew, his mind flashing with the images of soft giggles and gentle touches they had shared but as the rained kept pouring down on them, Liam felt as if it was taking with it his entire being. He could feel himself being shattered, the weight of the confession building in his mind as the raven haired boy kept screaming at him.

"But you don't really," countered Zayn, as he struggled out of Liam's grip, a new found furry to his features. "You know nothing at all Liam, I was just a pliant body you could use to your whim and you never dug deeper to see what was underneath".

"That's not true, you know how I feel about you," Liam retorted, shoving his own hair out of his eyes, his fingers barely registering against his scalp as the cold of the rain was making him numb. Or maybe it was the ice building over his heart.

"You know nothing," Zayn finally said as lightening lit up the sky, sending hundreds of momentary shade of purple to play along his darkening features. The roll of thunder crashed upon them seconds later, startling them both, Liam taking a step forth to protect Zayn but the boy was out of arms reach.

"You're just like my dad really, you only see what you want," finished the boy as he turned away. Words final with every step he took. And Liam was paralyzed, his entire body pulsing with emotion but he was unable to process any of it. Within seconds Zayn had disappeared, the world around him raging into a whirlwind of frozen rain and violent winds, just like his heart.

There was nothing he could think of, nothing he could say that would ever erase the words Zayn had said. _You're just like my dad_ played on repeat in Liam's mind as he tumbled to sit, his legs giving out from under him. He heard the distant sound of his Audi roaring to life, but he couldn't bring himself to care. He'd done exactly what he had always feared, used Zayn and made him feel the way he had always felt. _A pliant body he could you to his whim_. The growing echo of the words had Liam's stomach rolling with disgust as he bent over, throwing up everything he had consumed within the last hours, his mind reeling with words of horror and repulsion.

Needing a way to make this right, Liam did the only thing he could of. Wiping at his mouth, the taste foul, he spit in a nearby puddle as he stood to full height, dizzy from the events and his own emotionality. When he had finally regained his footing, he began his descent, finding a staircase that lead to the back of the building. He watched the black covered stone, permanently stained with decay and ashes, be pelted by rain. His mind simply couldn't come to turns with he fact that Zayn could possibly have burned the place down, so many questions forming in his mind.

His sweet little Zayn, the one that babied his dog, and giggled boyishly when tickled. The same soft boy Liam had wrapped himself around for months, could not possibly have meant such harm.

Liam needed to find Zayn, to explain and make him see that his feelings were truthful, not lying within shallow confines. So Liam did the only thing he could when faced with an empty lot, his car gone as tire tracks lead back onto the dirt road.

He walked, soaked by the freezing rain and the raw sentiment of having been torn apart by Zayn. It would probably take him hours to make it to civilization but he needed the time to think anyways. How old was Zayn anyways? Surely no younger than 16, as his body was one of a growing man not a prepubescent boy.

Shaking his head Liam groaned with frustration, an aching migraine settling in the limbos of his mind as he tried to focus upon the future. He was a fighter, use to having to battle his way through life. Nothing had been handed over to him on a silver platter and perhaps his relationships with the raven haired boy would be just the same. But it was worth it, every touch and kiss, every word and whisper uttered in the darkness of the night between dreams and laboured breathes were worth conquering the world for.  

This was far from being over. Liam would fight for Zayn with every fibber of his body, with every single once of energy he had until the boy could see his own worth, until Zayn would forget his father's dumb ideals. Liam would find Zayn and make him see reason with apologies, kisses and words that he had always prevented himself from saying, in fear of being too clingy. But first, Liam had someone else to battle.

Yaser Malik was first on his list and to hell with his career.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the fourth version of this chapter, and I don't know anymore. I wanted to make it happier, but somehow it keeps coming back to something similar. So I'm giving it a try. Tell me what you think. The story is almost over!!!
> 
> Again, this is a fictional work, in no way, shape or form reflecting the feelings of the individuals in reality.

The sun had just settled when Liam finally stumbled through the door of his house, feet aching as he made his way up to his bedroom, heart hammering in his chest. His Audi was parked haphazardly in the driveway, the door still open, rain no doubt staining the expensive leather but that was the last of Liam's worries.

He climbed the stairs three at a time, his legs burning from exhaustion but the prospect of seeing Zayn was compensation enough for his aching limps. He should have known however that what he'd find wasn't his beautiful boy in bed waiting for him. No, on the contrary is was a room that felt glacial, all traces of Zayn removed.

The drawers that Zayn had appropriated were hanging loosely, threatening to fall from their hinges, but still in place from their lack of content. No longer were the floors covered in miscellaneous articles of clothing, the crisp white of the carpet unfamiliar to Liam's vision. Walking forth, his feet feeling as though they each weighed a ton, he made his way into the ensuite bathroom, only to find it similarly desolated.  No more secondary toothbrush sat next to his, nor were hair product bottles he had so often complained about. And now that they were no longer cluttering Liam's space, he missed them desperately.

Making his way through the house, as if on autopilot, Liam found every room bare of anything reminding him of Zayn. It was as if the last two months had been stripped away from the house, no traces lingering of a romance that had been doomed from the start. And in that moment Liam wondered if it was really worth fighting for, if he should really throw away his life and career for a boy that ran away from him the minute they had to face an obstacle.

Liam was a helpless romantic and he knew it, always falling for the wrong people, always expecting too much and forever seeing too far. He just hated that. Hated that he was always wrong, that no one could ever give him what he wanted to offer but mostly he hated that the white picket fence house he had in mind with the dog and the kids was slowly dissipating in his mind when he thought of Zayn. Yes, he was a fighter, but one can only fight when there's an opponent and Zayn seemed to have given up arms, not even bothering to try.

Liam's fingers inched towards his pocket, fingers outlining the frame of his phone even if he knew it was dead from the rain. He wanted to have a real conversation with Zayn, not an emotion filled admission on a rooftop that seemed more like a scene from a movie than life itself. But there were so many things that stopped him, his own mind telling him how stupid he was being the first.

Making his way down to his office, Liam dreaded to see the room bare, too many memories filling his mind. He came to a halt as he entered the room, expecting it to be returned to its usual cleanliness. Yet he found it filled with Zayn, art supplies scattering the floor, making it barely enterable. There were unfinished drawings hanging from the wall, brushes aligned along the desk with uncapped tubes of paint. The complete and utter chaos of the room screamed of Zayn, echoing in Liam's mind and squeezing at his heart.

In the middle of the room were the storyboards to Zayn's graphic novel, all neatly arranged in a straight line. Liam looked down at them, seeing all the work and frustration Zayn had put into every single line, the drawings done to excellence. He remembered all the nights the boy spent awake, not allowing himself any sleep when Liam could barely keep his eyes open. He remembered waking to a pale looking boy, hand cramping up but desperately trying to continue drawing. It all made more sense now, why Zayn pushed himself so hard, why everything had to be beyond perfection, why sleeping had seemed so trivial.

But the drawings were somehow tainted now, not only by the fleeting memories but by the small, almost invisible marks of pain. It was as if Zayn had shed tears when arranging the storyboards, his emotions now embedded in the glossy cardboard. Didn't that just hurt even more, because it represented just how committed the boy was. Just how much he cared for his art but was conflicted with his reasoning. To write for his father or to draw for himself. To make his father love him, or to accept that Liam loved him.

Before he knew what he was doing, Liam was slamming the door to his car, tires screeching against the pavement as he rolled down the driveway towards Zayn's flat. He knew he should take a breather, step away from this and think it out but he simply couldn't. There was too much lingering in the air, getting caught in his throat and choking him. He had to deal with Yaser, had to tell him just how wrong he was about his son but first he had to make Zayn see the same. And even if the boy couldn't come to term with their love, that he couldn't face the possibility of his father's hate, Liam knew he had to at least try.

______________________________________

The night was settling upon the city, the raining starting to dissipate as the stars took their own place in the sky. As Liam drove deeper into town, each building blurring with the next, he was reminded of the same anxiety he felt every time he took this path, leading to that same flat. It was complex and twisted, a love story embedded in thorns but didn't the most beautiful flowers have the same he thought to himself silently. Roses stood delicate and elegant, their petals softer than velvet but were peppered with cutting spikes. Just like Zayn, vulnerable and perfect in his beauty, yet broken by the remains of his own thorns.

Lost in the antique of his mind, the flashes of smooth skin and a smart mouth echoing in his brain, Liam barely realized when he exited his car, making his way up to Zayn's flat.

He wasn't really surprised when the door opened to reveal bleach blond hair and the smell of beer rather than raven locks with nicotine. Niall stood in the door, a sad smile on his lips as he gave Liam a look over, no doubt questioning the soaked clothes.

"He's not here," Niall said as he leaned against the door, obviously not interested in allowing Liam in. "Family visit".

"What do you mean family visit?" asked Liam, shuffling around on his feet. He couldn't stop the feeling coursing through his body, electrifying him. He was restless, and he knew he would be until things were settled.

"He gets to see his sisters twice a month, apart from charity functions and other public appearances," explained Niall. "Never misses it."

The thought had Liam cringing, remembering how Zayn talked about his sisters, eyes sparkling with small laughter. He knew the boy didn't get to see them as often as he wanted, but Liam had thought it was because of conflicting schedules, possibility rich private schools but obviously he had been mistaken. Like he had been about everything else.

"Where?"

Niall frowned, as if wondering if he should answer the question truthfully before taking a swing of his beer. "Restaurant Ola on Green street, private room at the back".

And Liam only nodded because words didn't come to him as he turned and jogged down the hallway, down the stairs and back to his car. He knew the restaurant well enough, knew exactly where he was suppose to go but as he turned down the familiar roads, everything feeling foreign.

Maybe it was because he never did this, never took a chance and acted reckless. He was about to barge in on a family affair, disrupt Zayn while he spent the little time he could with his family. It was a shitty idea, Liam knew it, but his blood was pumping too fast through his system, making his hands shake and his cheeks flame. He needed to do this even if he gambled his entire world for the possibility of soft hair through his fingers and amber eyes through thick glasses.

 Or even if he threw everything away for the boy's peace of mind. If Liam could make a change in Yaser way of thinking, to make the man see that his son was beyond talented and that his sexuality didn't matter, than Liam could settle even if his heart was broken.

Even if he left the restaurant without the contract for Malik Books, that Green Bean publishing would take a hit, even if he left without Zayn on his arm, fingers laced and heart racing, Liam would be satisfied if he knew Zayn was happier, if the boy was no longer hiding under his guilt and desire to be accepted. If Zayn had a smile on his lips, then Liam knew he had done right by him.

____________________________________________

When his hand closed around the wooden handle of the double door leading into the Restaurant, Liam took a deep breath, his head swimming from anticipation as he pulled it open and stepped in. The place was buzzing with people, chatter of customers filling the air as he made his way through the crowd. Liam knew exactly where the private room was, this restaurant being a popular place he used to come with clients when he had started out. Turning the corner and walking down the hall, Liam made his way through the traffic of people that skimmed as he made his way further back.

When he finally stood outside the door to the small room, seeing the shadows cast by the people inside, Liam found himself frozen. He had been working on adrenaline up to now, his mind barely working and his heart leading the way. But now that he could hear girlish squeals and Zayn's velvet laughter, he was lost as to what was the right thing to do.

Sighing, Liam forgot the few people walking by him as he pressed his forehead to the door, feeling so close to Zayn and yet so far. He tried to come up with something to say, an elaborate speech that would woo Mr. Malik and mend the broken pieces of Zayn's heart but Liam kept coming back empty handed.

Ironically, words weren't his thing. Even if he could recite the work of the best authors by heart, even if he could find a intricately designed plot in a pile of rubble, Liam simply could not come up with the words to explain his feelings for Zayn. He couldn't think of the right thing to say to describe how he felt.

Tongue tied, he pulled away from the door slightly, breathing one last time, but just as he was about to knock, the door swung open, Mr. Malik stood before him a confused look etched upon his dark features.

"Liam!" exclaimed Yaser, surprise evident in his voice as he reached out to vigorously shake Liam's hand. "What are you doing here, boy?"

Liam stood somewhat shell-shock, his hand almost limp as Mr. Malik gripped it tightly. Over the man's shoulder he could see three girls, all with the same dark locks as Zayn's and similar features crowded around a table filled with various plates. There were markers and sharpies littering the red tablecloth, as well as papers with goofy characters that painfully resembled the one's attached to Liam's wall. At one end of the table was an older woman, traces of age in her cheeks but still beautiful, but nothing as stunning as the boy next to her.

Zayn sat silent by her side, eyes wide, filled with terror as he bit his bottom lip, fingers aggressively tightening around its usual black sharpie. His hair was slicked back, not one strand out of line and he had changed into a black button down that looks huge on him. Liam immediately recognized it as his own, the memory of seeing Zayn walk away from him in nothing but that, the thin material barely covering the curve of the boy's ass, slamming into him. It left Liam breathless, and he struggled to regain his composure as he pulled his hand away for Yaser's, realizing he had yet to reply. But he didn't know what to say anymore, not with how frightened Zayn looked, far from the cocky boy he had met months ago at the auction.

"I invited him," came a high melodic voice in the room, Liam's head snapping in Zayn's direction whose head was now bowed, hands hidden under the table.

Frowning, Yaser stepped aside, allowing Liam to slip into the room that felt like a vacuum the minute the door shut behind him. Baffled and slightly dazed by the deceitful admission, Liam stayed silent, following the motions as he smiled at everyone around him, feeling out of place.

"Why didn't you tell me, jaan?", asked Yaser, taking the seat furthest from Zayn as he allowed Liam the seat next to his wife.

"I want to surprise everyone," explained Zayn's mother as she stood to kiss Liam's cheeks. Liam went with it, confused but relieved that he didn't have to come up with a better explanation for his presence.

"I'm Trisha," she murmured, eyes glowing as she squeezed his hand.

"Liam," he replied quickly.

Smiling, she pulled him forward, a glimmer in her eyes, "Don't worry sunshine, I know," she cooed before turning to her husband.

"I thought we could all hear how well Zayn is doing with his book," she finished, offering Liam her own seat, closes to Zayn, as she settled in the one next to him.

Taking a sip of water, Yaser forced a smile, obviously not as enthusiastic with the idea as his wife. "What a great idea. Do you know everyone Liam?"

Shaking his head, Liam desperately tried to calm his mind as unique names were thrown at him, each girl smaller than the next smiling his way, the smallest of all offering him a shy wave as she buried her face in Zayn's side.

And Liam almost missed the way Zayn's lips cooed the little girl into comfort, the boy's fingers running smooth circle into his sister's back.

"Its ok Saf," he heard Zayn whisper.

The familiarity of the situation had Liam's blood rushing, craving the sound and touch closer to his skin. He fiercely wanted the noise to resonate through his body and at the same time the sweetness of the gesture had his heart melting, affection spreading through him like a blazing fire, as he watched Zayn fondly.

For some reason Liam had forgotten what being in proximity to Zayn did to him, how instinctually he reacted and how desperately needy he became.

"That's one of the reasons why I'm here," tried Liam, his voice thick with anxiety. He smiled as Yaser pushed a plate in his direction, everyone around him easily falling back into their routine.

He tried the same, filling his plate with foods he didn't know the names of, but that smelled delicious. It was hard to stay focus, to remain still and not get distracted by the way Zayn moved every few seconds.

With time however, Liam became more aware of his body. He was still aching from the lengthy walk back to his place, the balls of his feet stinging from finally having no pressure placed upon them. The soreness that lingered in his thighs had colours raising upon Liam's cheeks, a sudden anger flailing inside him as he remembered his earlier conversation with Zayn.

 _"You're just like my father,"_ still echoed in his mind as Liam forced himself to swallow around a forkful of rice and chicken, the heat of the food erased by his emotions.

He could feel Zayn tense next to him, the boy being the only one that had yet to resume his meal. Their eyes met for less than a second, so many things unsaid escaping in the air. The furry that had encompassed Zayn earlier seemed to have vanished, the younger boy now quiet and reserved, curled into himself.

And Liam noticed for one too many times just how afraid Zayn was by his father, how eager to please the boy was when it came to his dad. Liam ached to make things right, to free Zayn of the same pressure he had placed upon himself with his own father, and maybe it wasn't Liam's place to act. Perhaps, Zayn was supposed to do this on his own, at his own pace, but Liam couldn't sit back and watch this unfold before him when his own heart was at play. Too often had he allowed fate to take its course and he had ended up royally screwed but mostly, alone.

So he pondered the thousands of questions in his mind as he munched on a piece of Naan, making a goody face in Safa's direction when she shyly peered at him from behind Zayn. She giggled loudly before covering her mouth with her tiny hand, as if knowing it she wasn't behaving with proper table etiquette, but neither parent said anything.

On the contrary, Yaser seemed too focus on Zayn and then Liam as he kept looking their way, obviously expecting a report of Zayn's improvement, and so Liam concurred, giving the man what he wanted but at the same time, trying to get answers for himself.

"Your son is brilliant," Liam started, trying to hide the fondness in his voice. "I was truly amazed when we begun working together by how smart and advanced he is for his age. His independence and maturity deeply transpires into his work-"

"Zayn's an adult" interrupted Safa, a huge smile on her face as she looked up at her big brother, admiration seeping through her every pore.

"Is not," replied another of Zayn's sister, Waliyha, thought Liam, not entirely sure.

"He's barely 18," the other continued, the eldest concluded Liam. Doniya.

"Doni!", all but screamed Zayn, fist clenching in his lap as he glanced in Liam's direction before looking away. Well that answers that thought Liam, surprisingly unbothered by the admission, even if that meant the boy had been 17 when they had first met. It didn't change anything really, didn't affect their connection or remove what had happened. Their love wasn't a number after all.

"Enough kids," Yaser said, his voice booming through the small room.

Instantly the room fell silent, all three girls smiling teasingly at one another while Zayn head stayed bowed, fingers twitching again.

Liam wondered if Zayn was itching for a cigarette, realizing for the first time that the usual smell of chocolate was absent. As much as he hated the habit, complaining endlessly when his clothes ended up smelling of smoke, Liam now found himself wanting to satisfy the boy's craving. To replace the addiction for a cigarette, with the taste of his own lips

Forcing a smile, Liam continued, elaborating longly about his experience with Zayn. He fell easily into his role of CEO and head editor, the words relating to business rolling off his tongue with elegance and intricacy. He was use to selling authors, to marketing them and Zayn was no different.

A few times he found himself glancing in Zayn's direction, entranced by the boy's swollen lips and shy eyes. The boy still didn't know how to take a compliment, even when they were not  laced with promises of filthy kisses and morning sex thought Liam as he admired the growing blush that tainted Zayn's skin.

However, when Liam was done his speech, when everything he could think of relating to Zayn's writing had been said, he found himself stumbling lightly. There was so much more left to said, but the words just wouldn't come as easily.

"Your son made me realize a lot of things about life," Liam whispered, not entirely sure where he was going with this. "He made me see so many things I had yet to discover about myself".

Looking up, Liam could see that everyone had stopped eating, all eyes on him as he swallowed, nerves making it hard to breath.

"Your son is beautiful Mr. & Mrs. Malik," smiled Liam, "I have nothing but praise to offer and I must admit I'll be very sadden when this partnership is over".

The gasp in Zayn's breathing was barely audible, but Liam clung to it as he bowed his head, words carefully chosen to say so much more than most would understand.

"Don't you think that an inappropriate choice of words?" questioned Yaser, voice crude as if daring Liam to go further.

And Liam simply nodded, meeting the man's eye because he knew better than to think his clever scheme had fooled Mr. Malik.

The air was thick with a newborn tension, the older man certainly reminiscing his son's past with disgust as Liam's mind raced to find the right words, to tell the man he had once admired how wrong he was and how ashamed he should be. He didn't want to do this in front of Zayn's entire family, didn't want the boy's siblings to have to witness this, so Liam bit his tongue, allowing Yaser to sneer in his direction.

"I think this business deal has reached its end," bitterly responded Yaser, standing immediately. "As all of our business together, Mr Payne. You should leave now".

With no reason to argue, the outcome exactly what he had expected, Liam turned to Zayn.

"Come with me," he said so quietly he wondered if had been heard over the sound of his heart hammering in his chest and the boy's father seething at the end of the table.

Unconsciously, Liam reached out, running his fingers gently down Zayn's jaw. The boy's face instantly lit up, their eyes meeting with such intensity that Liam thought for an instance that he would spontaneously combust.

But before he could lean in to press his lips to Zayn's trembling ones, he was pulled away, rammed into a nearby wall, pain stabbing through his side. His vision blurred as he tried to focus, feeling hands violently clutching at his chest and arms as he was shook, his head slamming into the wall behind him.

"Don't ever put your filthy hands on my son ever again," Liam heard someone yell, knowing it was the boy's father but unable to concentrate enough to full comprehend the words.

Suddenly he was released, slumping to the floor with a thud as more yelling erupted around him. His protective instincts kicked in, demanding his attention as he stood, clumsily leaning against the wall to regain his footing as he tried to locate Zayn.

It took his mind a few seconds to adapt, a growing dizziness settling in his mind as pain stabbed through his head. But he found Zayn standing tall before his father, fist clenched tight at his side as he was angled in front of his mother and sisters. Opposite him was Yaser, blood slowly dripping down his nose and lip, staining the carpet of the private room. The two men seemed entranced in a battle of minds, words being spoken through imaginary daggers.

Every instinct screamed for Liam to intervene, to step forth and put himself in harm's way, to protect Zayn at all cost but for some reason he knew he couldn't do that. He stood frozen in place, head thundering in agony as he tried to gain control over the faintness that made his limbs numb.

"Zayn," finally spoke Trisha, breaking away from behind him to pull at her son's arm. Zayn seemed to resist at first, as if debating whether to hit his father again, before looking down at his mother, eyes instantly seeking comfort, as he curled into her embrace, a small sob echoing in the silent room.

Yaser was out the door the next minute, Liam's feet following the motion without thought and he started after the man .

He wanted to tell Yaser what he truly though, no mask or metaphors to hide behind now that the children were out of reach. But just as Liam turned into the hallway, strong fingers gripped at his wrist, pulling him back into the room.

He stumbled into Zayn, small arms wrapping around his waist as the boy's head came to settle on his chest, lulling with each heaving breath.

"Don't," cried Zayn, his lips pressed to the center of Liam's chest, muffling the words. "I need you here".

The admission stung, anchoring Liam to Zayn as he soothed the trembling boy in his arms, tears quickly staining his already ruined shirt. It was almost like an I love you, just a little more desperate and little less clear but for now it was enough, for now it would suffice. And perhaps Zayn would take the words back later, perhaps he only needed Liam for a little while, but the obstacle was surpassed. Zayn had finally stood up to his dad, surely not in the way he had ever expected to or the way Liam had wanted him to, but it was done.

Now maybe Zayn could move on, maybe he could be free. And maybe, they could be together.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again Ellie, you saved my life with this one. Hope everyone enjoys it. :)

Liam stood in the tension filled room, wrapped around Zayn, his mind desperately clinging to reality. He could hear Zayn's youngest sisters in tears nearby, their mother no doubt trying to comfort them from having to witness such dramatics. There was guilt choking Liam, his heart aching at the thought that he was the reason for such issues, but he knew deep down that even if he was the catalyst he couldn't be the explanation.

The problematic between Zayn and his father stemmed from a long line of issues in Yaser's ideology, one Liam refused to stand behind. And so losing what would have made him one of the most prolific publishers in the industry was the last thing in on Liam's mind, the deal with Malik Books now dissolved on the contrary seemed to lift a weight off his shoulders.

But as the adrenaline of the moment seemed to dissipate, and as Zayn's weak sobs against his chest lightened, Liam became nauseous, his head spinning and mind seeking darkness. Pushing Zayn away slightly, he leaned on the table, feeling a lump in his throat and suddenly fearing he would be sick. Bending over however, was obviously not the thing to do, his vision dimmed and he stammered backwards, fingers reaching out to clutch at the table to keep him from falling.

Zayn was there instantly, holding him up even if he weighed significantly more than the boy, worry in his eyes as he grabbed Liam's face, trying to make him focus.

"Liam, what's happening?" asked the boy, amber eyes darker than their usual honey shade.

Shaking his head, Liam grunted in pain, not certain of what was actually going on.

The boy's mom seemed to have a better idea of what was happening, pushing a chair under him and forcing him to sit. She said something in a foreign language to Zayn's older sister, words jumbling up in Liam's mind as he tried to comprehend why his brain felt as though he'd been hit by a truck.

Out of habit but mostly out of need, Liam laced his fingers with Zayn, seeking comfort and reassurance. Ironic he thought to himself, as he pulled the boy into his lap, nuzzling at his neck. He'd come here to protect Zayn, to try to free him from his father's oppression and now here he was, clinging to the boy as he was now the one seeking protection.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled in Zayn's ear, lips brushing their way along a path they knew all too well.

Pulling away from Liam, Zayn frowned down at him, hands rubbing down his back and over his shoulders.

"You have nothing to be sorry for," Zayn said sternly, all praise and wonder in his eyes as he smiled weakly. "You showed me what he never could, acceptance and love. You made me feel worthwhile, like I wasn't a waste of space. I owe you so much."

"You're worth everything," whispered Liam, tears in his eyes because he didn't understand how anyone could harm the boy in his arms.

But his mind was racing faster and faster, every second elongated and separated into millions of particles as dizziness enveloped him.

Liam was just about to force Zayn out of his lap, his nausea taking over when two men dressed in uniforms walked through the door, scanning the room. Out of instinct, Liam's hold on Zayn's waist tightened, the need to protect stronger than the faintness in his mind.

The paramedics went directly towards Zayn's mother, exchanging a few quick words, assessing Zayn's sisters quickly. And Zayn remained in Liam's lap, a calming presence, with small fingers at the nape of his neck. It was a soft and subtle touch, normally almost unnoticed, but it kept Liam alive, kept his mind going as he concentrated on one of the men walking in their direction.

"We've been told you're feeling a little shaken up, Mr.Payne," started the paramedic, crouching down to be at eye level with Liam, offering a genuinely warm smile. "Mind if I examine you?"

Liam shrugged, grunting a non-committed _sure_ , before turning his attention back to Zayn.

"Go take care of your family," he encouraged, leaning up to pressed a delicate kiss to the boy's lips before pulling away. "They need you."

Hesitation was obvious as Zayn stood on shaking legs, fingers still running small patterns along Liam's skin before disappearing fully as the boy nodded once, heading over to his sisters. The youngest was in his arms seconds later, wrapped around Zayn's like a koala as he cooed at her gently, eyes still glued to Liam.

Forcing his attention back to the paramedic, Liam answered the man's many questions, ranging from _what's your name_ to _what month is it_ and _where exactly are you in pain._ After assessing his mental capacities, the man seemed adherent on a physical examination, standing behind Liam, rolling his neck and pressing at his head.

The latex gloves felt weird in his hair, catching the longer locks at the back and pulling. However, when the man pressed his fingers to the top of Liam's head, pain erupted in the back of his eyes, causing him to hiss in return. Instantly Zayn was at his side, Safa still clinging to him but the boy managed to take Liam's hand in his own, squeezing for comfort. His or Liam's, Liam wasn't exactly sure.

"What's wrong?" Zayn demanded, worry buried in his tone although his voice was firm, direct.

Giving the boy a sideway glance, obviously confused by the situation, the paramedic addressed Liam as he answered the question. "I'm afraid Mr.Payne that you have a rather serious concussion, but there's also an open gash on the top of your head that would require immediate medical intervention if you'd please allow us to take you to the nearest hospital."

"I'm coming with you," immediately replied Zayn, putting Safa down and edging her towards his mother.

But Liam only smiled fondly a him, shaking his head and regretting it instantly. Maybe he should have mentioned the blind spots in his vision to the paramedic he though, before looking backup at Zayn, their hands abnormally warm when pressed together.

"Your family needs you, Zayn", Liam answered, his voice suddenly shaking. "I'll be fine".

As if to prove his point, Liam forced his feet to work, leaning forth to stand before Zayn. But the movement, all too quick, had his mind blaring alarms, his vision filled with swirls of black and white even if he knew he should be seeing Zayn's beautiful face. All of a sudden he was surrounded by white noise, breath catching as he fumbled on unsteady feet, his body simply seemed to give in, collapsing onto itself.

Liam fell to the ground, head smashing against the chair he'd been sitting on before laying twitching on the ground, his mind slowly slipping into oblivion as he still felt the blazing pressure of small fingers between his own, the sound of his own name spoken with terror resonating in his mind. Yet the pull of nothingness was stronger than the pull of his heart, and so Liam sunk, sunk down into darkness and drowned into unconsciousness.

************************************

There was a constant lump in his throat, misplaced and choking as Zayn tried to shallow around it for the millionth time, thinking this is what drowning felt like. He was alone in an empty hospital room, the sterile smell burning his nostrils as he scratched at his skin, fingers itching for a cigarette. But he refused to leave the room, refused to do anything really until he knew Liam was safe and sound.

So here he was, his feet curled under himself, as he counted the seconds go by as the loud ticking clock echoed in his mind. No one had come to see him since he'd been placed here, and really it was no surprise.

After Liam had fainted, he had been rushed to the nearest hospital, the paramedics simply refusing to allow Zayn in the ambulance with them, the trauma to his head too dangerous to risk any complications with extra passengers. And so Zayn had fumbled for a way out, making sure hurriedly that his mother and sisters were ok before running out of the restaurant, eyes immediately falling on Niall's familiar black Range Rover. The blond had smiled at him, opening the passenger door, and rushing Zayn in.

Zayn had never been so grateful for Niall in his life, the closes thing he had to a fatherly presence lately, escorting him to the hospital. Dropping him off in front of the ER doors, Niall had given him a few 20 dollar bills, a firm pat on the head and an encouraging, _don't let your mind get to you_ , before sending him off.

With no time to ponder things, Zayn had staggered his way into the ER, lost in the chaos of nurses and patients, his face going blank when he almost stepped into a pool of someone's blood. He'd desperately tried to get someone's attention, begging to know where Liam was but he kept being told the same thing. _That's confidential information sir, its given to family only._

And didn't Zayn just resent that, because he knew better than to call Liam's father, the confrontation evident. Then there were Liam's sisters, but Zayn faintly remembered Liam saying that he barely spoke to them anymore, mostly due to distance and lack of mutual interest.

Refusing to allow formalities to stop him, Zayn continued asking, being told time and time again, Its _family only_ , by countless nurse who he begged for information, biting dangerously at his bottom lip. Yet, none of them cared, refusing to give him any detail until he crumpled to the ground in tears, frustrated and shaking. He could barely breathe by then, his mind screaming _this is your fault_ and _he was better off without you_ , until a petite women, dressed in a baby blue nurse uniform helped him up, accepting to give him _some_ info.

 Mostly she had skimmed through Liam's file, quoting that he was out of any immediate danger, having his wounds checked and scans passed to ensure that there was no swelling in his brain. The woman had then escorted Zayn to the small room he was now in, giving him a glass of water and a sad smile, before leaving him alone.

And that had been the last human interaction Zayn had had, now almost an hour in the wait as he wrapped his arms around his legs, his heart threatening to crumble any second as he desperately tried to keep it together.

He had pushed Liam away, pushed so hard, so many times that he thought he would be alone by his own fault but Liam had always come back, showing Zayn time and time again what true love was. And now that Liam was hurting, because of Zayn and it ate the younger boy alive, the guilt a constant pressure on his chest. It had Zayn struggling through every breath, eyes tracing every single line of the door before him as he waited. Waited for Liam to come back, waited to know if he was ok, waited to know if he had pushed too far, waited to know if his heart was still worth love.

But when the door swung open, making a loud cracking sound as it smacked into a nearby chair, it wasn't Liam's comforting brown eyes that met Zayn's but rather the piercing blue of Louis's menacing gaze, fury evidently dripping out his every pour.

"Where's Liam?" asked Louis, no care in the world that Zayn's arms were practically raw from the constant scratching or the fact that his cheeks were probably permanent stained with tears.

Deflating from the momentary adrenaline of thinking Liam was back, Zayn simply shrugged, rubbing at his eyes tiredly as he mumbled a _"passing some scans for his head."_

There was a sigh that escapes Louis lips as he turned on himself once, obviously lost and confused as to what to do. He looked in Zayn's direction, so many emotions flashing on his face as he opened his mouth to say something before clasping it shut.

"I knew this would fucking end badly," Louis finally mumbled, sitting on the edge of the bed, his head in his hands. "I fucking told him to stay away from you and he didn't listen! He never listens!"

Zayn choked on a sob, apologies tumbling out of his mouth without coherent thought. There was a mixture of _I'm so sorry_ , but so many, _I love him, I need him_ , that end up pulling at one another, hanging in the air.

And all Zayn heard in exchange was the way Louis scoffed at him, a clear eerie laughter accompanied by a roll of his eyes.

"If you loved him so much you wouldn't have lied to him," retorted Louis, eyes blazing as he stood and stalked towards Zayn. "If you loved him so much you wouldn't have toyed with his heart and if you really did love him he wouldn't be in a fucking hospital right now!"

By then, the older boy was yelling, face mere inches from Zayn who was trying to confront him but failing miserably, coiling into himself. Broken.

"You don't know what love is," Louis continued. "And the truth is, your insignificant. Liam always had a hero complex, and the more he realized how fucked up you were, the more he wanted to save you. But the game is up Malik, I'm done letting him tear himself apart for a kid that just lies to him, that pretends to care for him to solve some fucked up daddy issues."

Closing his eyes, Zayn forced all the words out of his mind. He knew Liam, knew him better than anyone else and there was no way his _Leeyum_ would be so cruel. He mattered, their love mattered and they needed one another.

"He won't let you separate us," tried Zayn, desperately clinging to his love for Liam, to every gentle touch they'd share. To the _I love you_ s he'd traced in the other man's skin and the reply that always came upon soft lips and poetic promises.

And before Louis could answer back, the door swung open once more, a small man, with round glasses on the tip of his nose coming face to face with a battle of words still stinging the air.

The short man shot them both a questioning look before flipping through his sheets. "I'm looking for Mr. Louis Tomlinson, emergency contact to Mr. Liam James Payne."

Louis step forth immediately, eyes casting a sneering glare in Zayn's direction before extending a hand in the doctor's direction.

"What happened?" asked Louis, releasing the doctor's hand before crossing his arms over his chest, suddenly looking like a ball energy with simply too much atoms compressed together, dangerously close to imploding upon himself.

"It seems that Mr. Payne was victim to an assault that resulted in a serious concussion and a severe laceration to the top of his head. The bad news is-"

"Before we continue Dr.," Louis interrupted, turning towards Zayn.

"Get out," said Louis, voice stern and unforgiving before refocusing on the doctor. "This man is not to have access to any of the information relating to Liam. He is not family or of any relevance to his life and I believe his presence will only aggravate the situation."

Nodding, the doctor look over at Zayn, eyes demanding his departure before he could cough up a storm, Zayn was standing, furious as he approached Louis.

"You can't fucking be serious," he yelled, grabbing the front of the Louis's rumbled t-shirt. "Liam is my boyfriend you can't take me away from him!"

And Louis only cackled, pushing his hand away with a distinctly loud slap. "You're a child, and you have no legal right to see him, so I suggest you leave before you're forcibly removed."

Stumbling, Zayn simply stared at the Liam's best friend, remembering their first meeting and how lovely the man had been. What a fraud thought Zayn as he turned in the doctor's direction, eyes pleading but the man only looked at him with a bored expression, offering no protest.

"Fuck you!" barked Zayn, stepping out of the room, his heart pumping dangerously fast, as the door slammed behind him and he collapsed to the door, knees pressed to his chest.

 _"Fuck them,"_ he whispered to himself. There was no way he was walking away from Liam, not after Liam had continuously come back for him, proving just how loved he was. It was now Zayn's turn to be strong, to stand up for them like Liam kept doing, and Louis Tomlinson was not going to be their downfall. No way in hell.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it took me so long to update, I struggled with how emotional it was for me. I hope you all enjoy it. 
> 
> Come find me on tumblr and tell me what you think!! 
> 
> romancemesomeziam.tumblr.com

Liam had a hatred of hospitals, he avoided them at all cost because they reminded him of his mother. The last days of her life had been spent in a similar establishment, and now the bare walls and sterile air simply reminded Liam of her weak, frail hand in his, whispering words of love and forcing promises out of his mouth.

"You be good for your father," she had muttered to him in her last few hours, the tubes in her nose making it hard to breathe. "He loves you even if he can't say it".

Liam had only nodded, trying to offer his mother some peace of mind before she passed, even if he already knew that his father would never approve of him.

Shaking his head, as if trying to displace the images from his mind, Liam looked over at the nurse that was glaring at him, having repeated countless time not to make any sudden movements. He smiled sheepishly, offering a half-assed shrugged as an apology, before casting his eyes down on his hands. He kept fidgeting, a habit he had never had before but reminded him of Zayn, as wait for the doctor to check his stitches, the throbbing in his head a constant displeasing presence.

His half shaven head felt odd, the lack of hair making his finger twitchy, aching to run them over the new scar but he focused, keeping his hand in his lap. In attempt to calm his mind, Liam thought about Zayn, wishing the boy was here with him, wondering if he was ok. He felt panic bubbling in his chest at the thought of Yaser coming back and possibly hurting Zayn. At the restaurant Liam had been taken by surprise by the man's action, never having experienced before the aggression of the older man. He had left Zayn alone to defend himself, failing to protect his lover and it ached in Liam's mind, that he had allowed harm to be cast upon his boyfriend.

The thought had anxiety boiling through Liam's body, his hands shaking with fear as he reached out for a nurse walking by, fingers brushing her shoulder as she passed him without a single look.

"I'm sorry to disturb you," he said, trying to be polite but the vertigo in his brain making his lips numb, words scattering in his mind. "Do you think I could..could make a phone call?"

Frowning the nurse seemed to assess his injury, pushing at his shoulder for him to lie back, the lumpy mattress digging into his shoulder. "Has no one contacted your emergency reference?" she asked, looking down at what Liam assumed was his personal information.

Liam shrugged, hoping no one had called his father, or even his sisters. He wanted to avoid any unnecessary contact with them, exposing his new relationship the last of his desires.

 "I'd like to call someone else, my boyfriend if that's possible," he mumbled, not exactly sure how gay friendly this hospital was.

The young nurse took it in stride, dropping the clipboard back in the compartment at the end of the gurney before grinning at Liam, her blond hair catching in the light above her.

"I'm pretty sure he's already here," she assured him, running what he assumed was supposed to be a comforting hand down his arm. "Little thing with dark hair, he's been driving everyone up a wall trying to get to you".

And Liam smiled, couldn't help it at the thought of Zayn running around, aggravating everyone for information, whining when he was displeased with the attention that was paid to him. Liam knew the boy's shy side, but he had also experienced Zayn's confidence and cockiness, so he didn't doubt for a second that Zayn could be a persistent little shit if he wanted, poking until he obtained what he wanted.

************************

They wouldn't let Liam walk to his own room which was pissing him off royally, but he complied to their regulation, sitting in the creaking old wheelchair with impatience as nurses walked by him. He figured that the quicker he gave in to their demands, the quicker he'd be brought to his room, finally reunited with Zayn. He was nervous at the thought, worried about Zayn's well being and his mental state at the moment, mostly afraid as to how he was suppose to handle the overwhelming situation with Mr. Malik.

A nurse he had seen earlier finally smiled at him as she settle behind the chair, pushing Liam towards what he assumed was his room. After a ride in the elevator she turned down a rather empty corridor, slowing down as they entered a private room at the far end of a remote area, a curtain being pushed aside only to reveal a rather anxious Louis, pacing the length of said room.

"Finally," exclaimed Louis his gaze falling on Liam and his state of undressed, the paper thin hospital gown gaping when Liam stood, feet fumbling as he stepped towards the bed.

Louis and the nurse were at his side in flash, each taking hold of Liam's arm to guide him to the bed. He hated their touch, his skin feeling clammy and foreign but he accepted it with a grumpy whine.

When he was finally sat on the edge of the bed, the room warm with stale air and Louis's buzzing presence over him, Liam sighed.

"I'm fine," he muttered, irritated by how helpless he felt and the fact that he had yet to see Zayn. "You said my boyfriend was here?"

Frowning, the nurse twisted her hair with sudden nervousness, pointing a shy finger in Louis's direction. "Is that not him?"

Laughing, because the idea was simply ridiculous to him, Liam shook his head, regretting it instantly as a wave of dizziness crashed over him. Rubbing at his temple he groaned. "No, that's not him".

He heard Louis mutter an offended, _he wishes_ , but Liam ignored him, try to make his mind concentrate on one thing at a time, the effort already painful.

A sheepish frown set upon her face, the nurse shrugged. "I'm sorry sir, no one else has been allowed in your room."

Turning away from him, the nurse arranged the chart at the end of his bed in a neat display, smiling in Liam's direction as if apologizing for her misinterpretation.

"The doctor will be with you in a few minutes," she announced before exiting the room, leaving him alone with Louis, completely devastated by Zayn's absence .

"I thought for sure he'd be here," whispered Liam, hating the tears in his eyes and the heaviness in his chest. Maybe Zayn had figured out that they weren't right together the aberration in his father's word a possible trigger to their separation. It had to be a lot for an 18 year old to handle. Standing up to your dad was one thing, living with the consequences was another. At that age people fell in and out of love so easily, perhaps fear had stunned Zayn's heart into silence.

Liam felt Louis hand rubbing at the back of his neck, a comforting pressure that he was tired of feeling after everyone of his heartbreaks. He should probably have learned to listen to Louis by now, maybe buy a few dozen cats and settle alone in his house, never to be found or bothered ever again. He was alone, he always would be and he should resign to the fact that he simply couldn't be someone priority.

"Forget him," tried Louis, the hand now trailing down Liam's back, rubbing circles like his mother used to do when he came home from school crying because of bullies, that is until the day he met Louis.

Shaking his head again, feeling his heart lodged in his throat, bile stinging his tongue Liam groaned. "You were right Louis, I'm sorry."

"Not your fault Li," he heard Louis soothe, completely unlike him. He had expected the usual I told you, maybe a few sassy comments about dating a minor but not this.

Liam could feel his insides tighten, his mind screaming so many words at him that he hated, but he tried to breathe, tried to focus because he refused to let himself fall into misery.

The silence between him and Louis grew, a tension uncommon in their friendship settling in the air, as Louis no doubt remained silent in efforts to be comforting. Liam remembered the days his mother used to scold Louis, tell him if he had nothing nice to say than he should stay quiet. Maybe after 20 some years, his friend had finally understood the message.

 Thankfully the awkwardness was interrupted by a tall man with gray hair, years of fatigue etched under his eyes as he scanned his file for information, raising his head to glance at Liam from under thin glasses.

"Mr. Payne?"

Louis replied quickly with a mumbled, _that's him_ , stepping away from Liam, a jerk movement as he stumbled to step out of the way.

Approaching Liam cautiously, the man started to ramble off a number of technicalities about his concussion that Liam had already heard the nurses mention. The man then proceeded to examine the stitches at the back of his head, callous fingers pressing to the sensitive skin that had Liam hissing in pain.

Completely unaffected, the doctor simply offered Liam a broken smile before scribbling down something in his file.

"As you've been told Mr. Payne, you have a pretty serious concussion, I recommend you be kept overnight in order to monitor it. The good news being that there does not seem to be any swelling in your brain, or damage done to any of your nerves. In time we do expect a full recovery but you need to be careful with your stitches if you want them to heal properly. No touching or direct contact with water is recommended. One of the nurses will come and cover it up in a few minutes and the dressing must then be changed twice a day. If you desire an assisted helper can be sent to your residence once you return home to help you with that. Do you have any questions?"

"Can I sleep now?," asked Liam, slightly taken a back at how dramatic the events of the day had turned.

"Yes you can," replied the doctor, checking his file again. "However a nurse will be waking you up every 2 hours in order to assess your alertness. "

"Thank you," smiled Liam, a forced expression on his face as he waited for the man to exit the room. However the doctor remained in place, eyes glued to Liam's file with a frown.

"The authorities seem to have demanded to speak with you Mr. Payne about the assault. All in all I assume they want to know if you will be pressing charges?"

Immediately Liam said _No_ , clear in his intentions but glared in Louis's direction when his friend spit out an angry, _the fuck you aren't._

 _"_ Louis," Liam warned, completely passed showing curtsy. " I said no. Thank you, doctor."

The man observed them both for a second, eyes focusing on Louis a moment longer before walking away. When he had finally exited, every slow step resonating in the silence of the room, Liam sighed waiting for the storm that Louis was about to bring down on him.

"Why won't you make him pay for this Liam?" sneered Louis, fist balled up by his side as he looked at him eyes blazing.

Shrugging, Liam yawned, his eyelids suddenly feeling heavy. "What's the point Louis? It will hurt Zayn more than anyone else, and.. even if he doesn't love me. I know I love him. I can't do that to him."

"Love really does make you blind and stupid," muttered Louis, the tension in his body defusing as he laughed awkwardly, sitting next to Liam on the bed.

"Maybe," agreed Liam, forcing a smile in his friend's direction. "Plus there's this whole thing where he was only 17 when we first met."

With a chuckle, Louis nodded. "Yeah, maybe you're right".

Yawning again, Liam pushed himself back, Louis immediately standing to help him down until he was pressed into the mattress, his head elevated to ease the pressure in his brain.

"You should go home Louis, I'm fine on my own," mumbled Liam as he allowed his eyes to close, a swirl of colours dancing behind his eyelids as he settled into the numbing feeling of his headache. The cool white cotton of the sheets felt weird against his half shaven head, cold and clinical.

Louis huffed in response, taking a seat in the chair that was pulled up to the edge of the bed. "I'm not going anywhere you big donut. I almost died when I got a call saying my best friend was in the hospital with his head bashed in."

Forcing his eyes open, Liam could see the anguish on his friend's face, reminded of his same horror when he had received a similar call from the doctors when his mother had finally been hospitalized.

"I'm sorry," tried Liam, voiced chocked as he wiped at his eyes, refusing to cry again.

"I really am fine though, and Loki needs to be fed and taken out," he argued.

"You play dirty, Payne," groaned Louis, rubbing his face. Liam noticed for the first time how his friend's hands were shaking, the nervous tension in Louis's entire body radiating.

"Please," Liam tried again, pouting his lips and giving Louis a sad look, trying his best to look convincing and unharmed. He needed Louis to go home, take care of himself, sleep off the anger and anxiety. He also needed to be by himself, to wallow in self pity for a moment before he could move on, before he could give up on Zayn.

"Fine," finally conceited Louis. "But only once you're asleep."

Liam gave a small grumbled response, a _sure sure,_ as he nodded off, preferring the soothing darkness of sleep than the blinding light of reality.

****************************************

When Liam woke it was to a feeling of disorientation, his mind throbbing with pain as he groaned, forcing his eyes tighter together as if it would somehow help him back into slumber. He was hot, his skin feeling thick and dirty as he grumbled to himself.

Yet the harder he tried to fall asleep, the harder it became. The light behind his eyelids seemed to intensify, a tingling sensation spreading through his body, all stemming from his fingers. It was warmer than the rest of his body, a familiar smoothness touching his palm.

He didn't need to open his eyes to know it was Zayn, suddenly hit full force with the boy's presence, the magnetic pull in his body forcing him onto his side so he could look at Zayn. He was scared to open his eyes, see the boy he loved broken or hurt but hiding felt so much worse.

Sighing Liam complied to his screaming heart's desires, opening his eyes to be granted with a painful sight. Zayn was sitting in the chair that had earlier been occupied by Louis, his legs tucked closely to his chest, one arm wrapped around them to support himself, wrist bandaged and bent on an awkward angle, the other outstretched so he could hold Liam's hand. His head was pillowed on his knees, eyes closed but no sign of peaceful slumber on his beautiful face. He seemed so much paler as he curled into himself, almost shaking in his sleep.

He looked terribly small and vulnerable, the position making Liam wince as he thumbed a broken _I love you_ , on the back of Zayn's smaller hand.Truth was, Liam wasn't exactly sure why Zayn was here now, when he hadn't been earlier. He had truly thought the boy had changed his mind, realizing that their relationship was too much trouble for what it was worth. Liam was used to it after all, used to being secondary.

And Liam hated the thoughts that invaded his mind, wanted nothing more but to forget the incident with the boy's father, but he knew better than to delude himself into such idiocy. Now however, he was left to question his entire relationship with Zayn, why it had even begun or if it had come to an end.

He didn't want to be the solution to Zayn's issue with his father, didn't want to be a father figure in the boy's life that lead to some twisted romance. The words _daddy_ escaping Zayn's swollen lips during their love making session now had Liam shivering with disgust, horrified at the possibility of what it could mean.

Yet Liam ached to comfort Zayn, to wrap him in his arm and soothe him after everything that had happened. Seeing the younger boy's sleeping form, now so small and unprotected had his heart aching. He couldn't help the need he felt inside, the urge to be whatever Zayn needed even if he knew it was unhealthy. He was in love. Stupidly so.

Smiling to himself, he kept stroking his thumb over Zayn's wrist and hand, enjoying the peace and silence for a minute. The gesture seemed to appease his own headache, the throbbing slowly dissipating as Liam's eyes became used to the brightness of the room, the familiarity of Zayn and his radiance feeling like home, guiding Liam's lost soul back to its shelter.

He couldn't help but reach out with his free hand, running his fingers through the boy's hair. He regretted instantly however as he fumbled with his own emotions, wondering where all this was going, what they now were to one another, but mostly because Zayn's head moved slightly, a familiar awakening groan filling the air.

Seconds later, Zayn was waking up, stretching his arms out as he opened his eyes, realizing that Liam was awake, watching him.

"You're awake," the boy mumbled, words heavy with sleep as he smiled childishly.

Liam mirror the gestured with forced intentions, awkwardly shuffling his feet together as he lay on his side, one hand limp, blanketing his own body, the other still intertwined with Zayn's. It felt wrong to touch the boy, to still crave his touch after being the reason why he had hit his own father, and yet, it still felt oddly perfect, like it was the only thing he was meant to do.

"Yeah," mumbled Liam, closing his eyes as he concentrated on his breathing, not the accelerating rate at which his heart was beating. He wasn't sure if he was dreaming. Maybe his mind was playing tricks on him. His conscious giving him what he wanted, just in a dream form so he wouldn't lose his shit. Perhaps it was his brain's way to ensure his sanity, because at this point nothing seemed to make sense anymore.

"Are you in pain?" whispered Zayn, his voice so small in the vastness between them. "I can go get a doctor."

Liam didn't answer immediately, searching the boy's face for something. An indication of why he was here or what was to come. Yet quickly Liam found himself lost as he traced the plains of Zayn's cheeks with his eyes, remembering the feeling of soft skin under his fingers. He craved the same sensation now, the peace it offered him to wrap the boy in his arms, and bury his nose in his raven hair. The smell was that of home, the warmth a reminder of happiness.

Liam heard Zayn stutter his name once when he failed to reply. Shaking his head he forced his brain into submission, offering a silent _I'm fine_ that came to stain the air between them. It felt odd, the familiarity of it all, and yet the utter difference in the situation, the uncertainty. It made Liam a little sick to his stomach, the fact that he couldn't reach out and skim his fingers along the Zayn's jaw, he couldn't kiss him until he forgot why his head hurt, he couldn't face the fact that he felt broken inside. All of it had him nauseous.

"I didn't think you come," Liam finally admitted, the sound of his own voice foreign to his ears.

"Had some issues with security," smiled Zayn, leaning forth so he was closer to Liam, their hands never leaving one another, both of them holding on, almost desperate. The boy's tiny fingers splayed along Liam's cheek, smoothing down his stubbled jaw, and Liam tried his best not to flinch away, but he obviously didn't do a very good job of that when Zayn pulled back, a confused frown upon his darkening features.

"What's wrong?"  

Liam heard the question, knew what it meant for him but he had no answer to give, nothing making sense as he tilted his head sideways, seeking the touch that the boy had offered. It almost felt as an apology for his absence, one Liam accepted immediately, turning to the next problem on hand.

"I'm not sure," he sighed, content when Zayn resumed the soft gestures against his cheek, running lithe fingers along his face, the curl of his nose and the swell of his lips. "I feel as though we need to talk."

"Probably," Zayn agreed easily, pressing a delicate chaste kiss to Liam's forehead before pulling away, sitting back into the chair he had been sleeping in earlier, his fingers still touching Liam's.

And Liam decided to be blunt, simply because there was no manner in which this wouldn't be painful, both for him and for Zayn. Turning onto his back, away from the boy where he didn't have to observe the different facial expression ghost across Zayn's face, Liam closed his eyes trying to put his feelings into words. His entire life could be resumed in books, finding his destiny in the lines of different writers and at the moment Liam found himself wishing he could use someone else's words to explain the situation.

He didn't know how to say what needed to be said. Everything was scattered in his brain, the complexity of the situation mixed with the ache in his heart, a contradictory force to everything else. He watched Zayn as the boy observed him too, mostly likely waiting for Liam to speak up.

The sterile air between them suddenly seemed lacking as it became hard to breathe, the anxiety of the moment building in Liam's stomach as he bit into his bottom lip.

"Maybe we should take a break," Liam finally chocked out, hearing the painful gasp that Zayn let out, yet choosing to ignore it. He knew that if he stopped now the broken look Zayn would probably give him would prevent him from continuing.

"I love you, you know that," breathed Liam, voice shaking with sorrow. "I love you so much sometimes it scares me, because we haven't been together for that long and yet I would give up my entire life for you. I'd do anything for you. But I don't want to be the solution to your issues with your father Zayn... I can't be. I can't be some replacement for him. I can take care of you, yes, but that shouldn't come first. I need you to love me more than you need me, yeah?"

"But I do love you," quickly replied Zayn, standing so he could approach the side of the bed, knee digging in the soft mattress as he climbed up, curling himself around Liam's body. His voice was weak, barely more than a whisper as the boy struggled with his own feelings, tears evidently rimming his eyes as he pressed his nose into Liam's neck, breathing in with a shuttered breath.

"I know I love you", Zayn repeated.

Sighing, Liam cupped the back of Zayn's head, running his finger through the boy's hair. "I want to believe you, I really do but I don't know if you do. I know you care about me, and maybe even love me, but I need you to be in love with me, you know? I don't want to stand in for your father. I want you to be in love with me like I am with you."

Liam stopped for a second, readjusting his arm around Zayn as he felt the boy shudder closer into him, almost straddling his waist in efforts to reach proximity

 "I love the way you fidget when you're nervous," Liam continued. "How you take care of my dog more than I do, how you bite your tongue when you draw or tap a pen against your nose when you think. I love the frowns you give me when you think I'm being dumb or the way you push at your glasses when they're about to fall off your nose. I guess what I'm trying to say is I'm in love with you, just every little thing about you, and I need you to fall in love with things like that about me..... I know it's a lot to ask, but maybe you need time to figure the difference out between what you wanted me to do for you that your father couldn't and what you'd want your boyfriend to do."

When silence enveloped them, Liam didn't have to see Zayn's face to know it was now stained with tears as he felt it against his shoulder, Zayn rubbing his face into Liam's neck as his breathing kept catching with every watery intake. The boy's hand was fisting tightly into the material of Liam's hospital shirt as it trembled, holding on for dear life.

"I'll figure it out," Zayn breathed, the words almost muttered against Liam's skin, embedding themselves in his very being because they sounded so broken, so lost. "Just don't leave me".

"I know you will, and I'm won't," promised Liam, wrapping his arm around Zayn as they fell into one another, always fitting so perfectly. "I couldn't".

There was a pained whine that escaped the boy's lips, muted by the fact that his mouth was pressed to Liam's neck. It resonated into the eerie stillness of the hospital, nothing but Zayn's shaking form disturbing the silence. It was odd to leave it at that, to allow the wordlessness of the situation to settle, yet it seemed like the only option.

Liam knew that no matter what, the important thing was that Zayn knew he had some thinking to do, but that didn't mean he needed to push the boy even further. The last few hours had been filled with emotional turmoil, rest was what Zayn needed, and so Liam allowed the boy to cry on his shoulder, soothing him with soft caressing words. He tried to be comforting, threading his fingers through the raven locks he loved so much, breathing in the familiar scent of nicotine he had grown to miss as he hummed silently.

When Zayn's breathing evened out, the sobs no longer echoing through the room, Liam rubbed at his face, the heaviness of the day weighing on him once again. Groaning with tiredness he closed his eyes, thumb running patterns along Zayn's back, the familiarity of the touch soothing. But Liam found himself craving closeness rather than sleep, needing to be reminded possibility for the last time why he love Zayn so dearly. Allowing his hand to dive underneath the thin material of Zayn's shirt, Liam wrote a love confession into the boy's skin, tracing every word he knew he would never dare say and hoping in his heart that the world would allow him some peace. That the world would grant him his Zayn.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this took so long, I've been crazy busy. I hope you guys enjoy it! I am writing loads this week so hopefulyl the next chapter will be posted before the weekend!

Liam woke to a stumbling noise, his skin feeling burning hot as he groaned, rolling over only to be remembered that he wasn't alone. Zayn was pressed tightly to his side, head cushioned to his chest, small fingers digging into his hip as if unbelieving that Liam would in fact still be here when he woke.

Rubbing at his eyes, Liam turned in the direction of the doorway where the noise seemed to have been coming from. His vision was still laced with sleep but a blurry Louis stood panting in the doorway, hand on one knee as if catching his breath but with a twisted grimace on his face. He was glaring, hard and venomous as he stretched to his full height, stomach still wheezing for oxygen.

"Since when is _he_ here," spat Louis, a very evident scornful tone to his voice, taking a step forth as if he was going to force Zayn awake.

Shaking his head sternly, Liam muttered a tired _don't you dare Louis_ as he allowed his fingers to skim over Zayn's bony shoulder, up his neck to push at the glasses that were falling off his nose. There were evident tear stains down the boy’s cheek, something Liam didn’t remember happening. His heart ached at the sight, knowing he was partly the cause for this all, wishing he could have done things different but in the end they were here, together. That’s all that should matter. Smiling to himself lightly, he admired the boy's peacefully features, the worried words of their earlier conversation dissipated in their mutual slumber.

"I thought you went home to take care of Loki," Liam questioned as he remembered Louis’ presence, Zayn stirring restlessly in the comfort of his arms before opening his eyes. The boy smiled up at Liam, hand immediately reaching out, running down Liam's stubbled cheek in an intimate manner. In seconds Liam’s heart was hammering in his chest, arms tightening around the boy’s waist as he tried desperately not to lean into the touch.  

It was obvious that Zayn hadn’t noticed Louis in the door way who let out an annoyed huff, crossing his arms, foot tapping on the ground like a toddler throwing a tantrum.

"As I was about to say," Louis started, venom dripping from his words as he glared in Zayn's direction once more. "I can't find him Liam, Loki isn't at your place."

Immediately Liam was pushing himself up, anxiety flooding his mind. "What do you mean he isn't at my place, where else would he be?"

Before Louis could reply, Zayn ghosted his hand across Liam's cheek again, bringing the focus back to him.

"He's with Niall," assured Zayn, biting at his bottom lip, his face suddenly filled with uncertainty. "I didn't know how long you'd be here and I didn't want our baby alone so I brought him to Niall's to make sure he was safe and well taken care of until we could go home."

The only thing that caught Liam’s mind was how Zayn called Loki, _their_ baby.

"You basically kidnapped his dog," deadpanned Louis, earning another of Liam's _shut the fuck up_ looks.

"I'm sorry I forgot to mention it earlier," Zayn said, his voice small under the scrutiny of Louis's gaze. "I was just trying to help since they wouldn't let me in."

"How _did_ you even get in?" Louis asked, taking a step forth as if daring Zayn to tell Liam about their earlier conversation.

Biting his lip, as if wondering if he should admit what he had done, Zayn stayed silent, fingers nervously tracing patterns along Liam's arm.

And Liam tried to help him, threading his fingers through the boy's hair in encouragement as he grinned a little dopily, the pain medication in his system acting up as he leaned his head against the pillow.

"I slipped by security during the shift change," Zayn explained, nails scraping anxiously at Liam's skin. "I needed to see you, needed to know you were alright".

"I'm fine," promised Liam, pressing a chaste kiss to the boy's forehead who immediately curled into him, closing his eyes with a sigh. "No one will make you leave".

**********************

When Liam was finally allowed to leave, a stack of papers under his arm explaining everything he could and could not do, Louis had finally managed to regain his normal colouring. There was a lot of aggressive whispering between the both of them while Zayn had excuse himself to the bathroom, followed by what Liam was surely meant as intense glaring in his direction but he brushed it off, ironically preferring to deal with his own relationship issues than to listen to Louis, yet again.

He realized he may be bound to repeat the same mistakes over and over again, yet he couldn’t bring himself to give up on Zayn. Even less now, when the boy seemed to crave his touch, to desperately need the comfort he could offer and a place to call home.

He knew they would need distance, physical separation to allow Zayn the time to figure things out, but that didn’t mean they couldn’t work together, or see each other. In reality Liam knew how dependant he was of the boy, and how fucked up that sounded. His happiness seemed to revolve around Zayn, the boy’s careless smiles and shinning bright eyes. Yet he knew how hard the next few months would be, allowing Zayn to grow into an independent person, someone separate from his father’s ideal and without the support of his family. Zayn would need his help, probably demand their relationship to be pushed further, and it was Liam’s job to ease into things, ensure that Zayn knew what he was doing and wasn’t simply using him as an outlet.

Even now, walking through the front door of his house, Zayn’s arm tightly wrapped around his waist to ensure a steady pace, Liam knew this was a mistake. He was allowing too much of the intimacy to settle between the both of them but he was simply too happy to be home to battle his own good conscience.  The familiarity of his home, the smell and just the presence felt like a dream after a night in the hospital and even more so after the nightmare with Mr. Malik.

“I want real food,” he groaned, trying to head towards the kitchen but easily giving in once Zayn stirred him up the stairs, no doubt towards their bedroom. _His_ bedroom, he reprimanded himself, not _theirs_.

“I’ll make you something,” promised Zayn, pressing a delicate kiss to the side of Liam’s neck as they reached the top of the stairs. “But you’re going back to bed, just like the doctor said.”

And Liam sighed, wishing he could push back the upcoming conversation but he knew he needed to make things clear right away. Grabbing Zayn’s wrist as the boy untangled himself from around him, Liam held Zayn’s gaze before speaking.

“You can’t just do that anymore Zayn,” he said, voice tight with emotion. “I agreed that you could come back with me but you need to put distance between the both of us if you want to figure things out”.

“I don’t have anything to figure out,” mumbled Zayn, eyes cast down as he rubbed the sole of his converse sneaker into the hard wood. “I know how I feel.”

Shaking his head, Liam brought his hand up to cup the boy’s jaw, tilting his head up so their eyes could meet. “Maybe you do, and then it should be easy. But I need you to find yourself, to see who you are without everyone else, me especially. I can help you, I’ll always be here for you but you need that perspective. Who is Zayn Malik without the world pressuring you.”

“I’m just me,” Zayn mumbled, turning his head so Liam was no longer touching him. It hurt, the rejection, even this small, it was like a jab to the stomach.

“And who is that?” questioned Liam, pushing away the rejection as his head swam, probably from the concussion but he continued, desperate to get his message out there loud and clear. The question sounded somewhat stupid in his mind but he hoped Zayn understood what he meant.

“I helped you write an entire book that you have no desire to write in the first place just to please your dad. I watched you struggle through it and hate yourself over it because you thought you needed to do it. That’s not who you should be Zayn. I want you to figure out who you are, truly are, not who others think or want you to be”.

“Can’t I do that while kissing you?” Zayn whispered, taking a step forth to run his fingers up Liam’s arm.

It felt so good, the usual tingling sensation he got every time the boy touched him sparking up his entire body, even through the medication he felt his fire become ablaze, enveloping his in the comforts of love.

“You need a clear mind,” he said roughly, coughing in his own fist as he tore his hand away, Zayn immediately looking hurt.

But before he could response, offer words of comfort and hold the boy in his arms, Zayn sighed, pointing at him to go to bed before disappearing down the stairs, towards the kitchen.

Liam complied, his heart heavy and eyes stinging with tears but he didn’t have the energy to fight right now, preferring to allow time to calm things down. He settled into bed, stripped of his jeans in nothing but a loose t-shirt before Zayn entered, a sandwich in one hand and a cup of tea in the other.

“You really don’t have to do this,” he said again, accepting the warm mug with a genuine smile, his stomach growling at the sight of food.

“I want to,” Zayn assured him, sitting on the edge of the bed but keeping a safe distance, the first sign of removal Liam noticed as the boy fidgeted, adjusting the dark frames that were slipping down his nose.

They sat in silence as Liam ate, their eyes skimming over one another’s body. Liam shivered slightly, feeling Zayn’s gaze linger along the bruises that covered his arms, a foreign hatred lingering in the boy’s eyes.

Zayn’s entire face went dark, covered with shadows as his hands curled into fist. Just as Liam was reaching out, his fingers aiming for the boy’s wrist, the doorbell went off, chiming through the house.

“I’ll get that,” Zayn murmured, standing in a haste. Before Liam could even react, his hand still outstretched to touch the boy, he heard Zayn’s heavy footsteps banging down the stairs.

Rubbing at his face, the tiredness starting to anchor itself into his emotions, Liam sighed in frustration. He felt like everything he did at the point was wrong, always turning in the opposite direction and bringing himself further and further from his goal.

This entire thing with Zayn was just turning into a big mess, something completely out of this world that he never once imagined in his life he’d have to face. He couldn’t even imagine sending Zayn to live with Niall at this point, the single thought of the boy being out of his reach was terrifying. He had seen Mr. Malik’s anger first hand, felt the damage it could do and he couldn’t risk Zayn to that. Couldn’t risk the man’s next outburst of ignorance to leave scars and mark on Zayn. As if the boy wasn’t already permanently scared.

It all made so much more sense now. Zayn’s sometimes chaotic behaviour, the way he leaned into Liam for certain things yet distanced himself for others. It was like there was a constant battle occurring in the boy’s mind, between the man he wanted to be and the man his father wanted him to be; the writer or the artist, the honorary scholar or the graphic designer, the exemplary son or the gay misfit.

It was all confusing, and Liam really wasn’t sure how to help Zayn through it all. He didn’t want to be the boy’s guardian, didn’t want to be his carer. What he wanted was a lover, someone that loved him for who he was, for the stupid things he said or the way he blushed, not because he was an authority figure, someone resembling the boy’s father.

But he loved Zayn, even if everything was a complete and utter mess, his heart still stopped every time the boy walked into the room. It was inevitable, how doomed he was to concede to Zayn’s every demand, and its why deep down he knew they needed the distance. If he allowed Zayn to touch him, even if it was only to help him sit down or walk around, he knew he’d give in and allow the boy’s hands to ghost across his body, to linger in a loving way. He knew he’d get caught up in the chocolate amber eyes, the way Zayn’s lips moved, and the way his skin felt. It was bound to happen.

Liam felt utterly broken at the moment, his heart and soul a mere yellow colour to the usual gold as he rubbed at his eyes again, trying desperately to keep the tears from falling. His interior rant was interrupted by a familiar little bark, the sound of weightless paws running up the stairs and before he knew it, Loki was licking at his face, the tears forgotten as he smiled down at his dog.

“Hello baby,” he cooed, fingers delving in the pup’s soft fur, another small bark echoing in the air as if Loki was answering him.

“I missed you too,” whispered Liam, cradling the dog to his chest as he traced his furry ears with his thumb lovingly. His heart was warmed by Loki’s presence, cuddling into his arms as he looked up, meeting Zayn’s eyes who smiled softly at him.

“Niall would like to talk to you for a minute if you’re not too tired," said the boy, taking a step forth so he could scratch Loki’s neck. The pup whined in response, leaning into the touch but never leaving Liam’s arms. It was a little like touching by proxy, Zayn’s proximity heating up Liam’s skin already.

He nodded, tightening his hold around Loki’s tiny body as Zayn turned back towards the stairs, only to come back a few seconds later with Niall trudging behind him.

“Hey mate,” he blond said as he entered the room, looking a little distraught as he waved awkwardly.

“Thanks for taking care of Loki,” Liam replied, eyes catching on Zayn who was now standing in the corner as if in punishment, feet shuffling over the carpet restlessly.

“No problem,” assured Niall, grinning a little too much for the situation before looking at Zayn, his face falling immediately. “I know this is really bad timing but Zayn and I have something to ask you.”

Confused, Liam looked at Zayn instantly, wishing the boy would come forth but with the new “no touching” rules he knew that was not going to happen any time soon. His mind evidently went reeling, wondering what exactly Zayn could needed that required Niall’s presence.

“What can I do for you?” he asked sincerely, choosing to ignore Zayn and concentrate on Niall as Loki squirmed in his arm, nipping at his fingers before Liam cooed him into silence.

“I’ll get right to it,” Niall said when Zayn stayed quiet, hands tucked into his pockets as he stared at the opposite wall.

“Me Nan is really sick and I need to take her back to Ireland, but I don’t know how long that is going to take. Normally, I would take Zayn with me, but you know him. He doesn’t want to go, begged me senseless to let him stay with you.”

“Did not,” Liam heard the boy whisper, but Niall didn’t seem to notice, or if he did, he simply chose to ignore it.

“I’ve seen how he’s changed when he’s with you, it’s the first real improvement I’ve seen ever since his dad kicked him out. And I know this might be a lot to ask since I don’t know exactly how long I’ll be gone, but maybe he could stay with you. The timing is horrible considering all that has happened”, Niall said, waving a hand in the air as if that explained it all. “But I think it’s best for him and for his writing, and even though I'm not technically his guardian anymore since he's 18, I kind of just want him to be happy”.

Liam was a little taken about as he watched Zayn’s face remain completely static, all until the boy’s eyes met his and then he was biting his lip furiously. It was a little angering, a little sad that Zayn thought he couldn’t ask for himself, that he’d think Liam would disagree. It had him wondering if this was something he and Niall had talked about before Zayn had left him stranded in the middle of nowhere, while a thunderstorm raged on.

He watched the boy’s face change every few seconds, misery and questioning ghosting over his sharp features. And Liam knew most of those faces, hated to admit he had witness Zayn anguished more than once in their short relationship. He knew having Zayn under his roof 24/7, being his partial guardian went against everything they both needed but for some reason, when he opened his mouth, the words _I don’t think it’s the best idea_ , on the tip of his tongue were left unsaid. On the contrary, he forced a smile and found himself saying, “ _Whatever I can do to help, I’ll do.”_

Liam wasn’t sure who was most surprised by his answer as Zayn’s face broke out into a surprised grin, eyes immediately filled with so many promises, hope radiating off of him.

“You’re serious?” the boy asked, reaching out for Liam before dropping his hand immediately. It was as if he kept forgetting they weren’t supposed to touch, that for now they were just friends.

Liam nodded, his throat tight with emotion as he watched Niall out of the corner of his eye, an uncomfortable posture shading his entire demeanor. He obviously didn’t look all too please with the arrangement which had Liam thinking.

“June can set up the guest bedroom in the morning,” he said, wincing when Zayn recoiled visibly, as if burned by the words.

“Yeah sure,” the boy whispered, nodding a little in Niall’s direction who clapped his hands together in agreement.

“I’ll get your things from the car,” Niall offered, obviously even more uncomfortable as he walked out, leaving them both to stare at one another.

“You don’t have to do this,” Zayn finally said after the silence seemed to go on forever. “You obviously don’t want to.”

Shaking his head, Liam couldn’t help the laugh that escaped his lips causing Zayn to look at him as if he’d gone mad.

“You really don’t get it,” sighed Liam, letting go of Loki who scampered away, probably chasing after Niall.

“I’d do anything for you Zayn,” he explained, hands tightly bound in the sheets that pooled at his waist. “Its maddening really, to have no control over myself when it comes to you. I’d throw my life away for you. God sakes I threw away one of the biggest business deals of my career for you and I would do it over again in a second!”

Realizing he was all but screamed, he coughed, unwinding his hands from the sheet to run his fingers through his half shaved head.

 “I’m desperately in love with you Zayn,” he whispered, eyes once again filled with tears. This time he couldn’t bring himself to look up at the boy he had come to know like his home. He craved the intimacy, needed the boy’s presence but this wasn’t about him, it never had been.

“I want to help you,” Liam said for the second time that night. “But you have to help yourself. You can stay here. In the guest bedroom, and work on your next graphic novel and we can publish the one we have now but you have to promise me you’ll try, promise me you’ll give yourself a fighting chance to be yourself without your dad, or even without me standing above your shoulder.”

Liam’s words were interrupted by the sound of the front door opening and closing, no doubt from Niall dropping off some of Zayn’s things in the foyer. But Liam’s gaze stayed glued to his shaking hands. He didn’t want to see Zayn cry, didn’t want to see a broken smile on the boy’s beautiful face. He knew Zayn enough by now to know he’d try to fake a smile through it all, maybe mock the situation a little, say they were being overly dramatic to diffuse the tension, but none of that happened.  

On the contrary the silence between them stretched itself out, Zayn’s foot restlessly tapping against the floor, a muted repeated sound filling the air.

Just as Liam was about to give in and look up at Zayn, his mind searching for an explanation, the boy advanced towards the bed, kneeling on the edge in reaching distance of Liam.

“Give me your arm please,” Zayn said, his voice trembling as if he too was fighting to keep back tears.

And Liam didn’t question the demand, never really did when it came from Zayn. He offered the boy his arm, almost hissing when their skin touched, his forearm now cradled in Zayn’s palm, which felt so small in comparison to his own.

He waited, concentrating on his own breathing, the smell of Zayn’s cologne and the rustling of the leaves. He kept waiting for something to happen, for Zayn to say something or show him something but nothing happened. The boy simply traced random patterns into his skin, long soft fingers running along the inside of his forearm repeatedly.

“I’m a little tired,” Liam finally said when Zayn kept drawing non committed lines into his skin, none of this making sense to him.

Zayn nodded in response, his hand stopping to press into Liam’s forearm momentarily, as if erasing what he had been drawing before he looked up at Liam, holding his eyes as he wrote, very slowly and very well defined, I love you too, into Liam’s arm.

The second he was done, Liam’s arm was dropped, Zayn gushing out of the room, his feet echoing in the empty house as he all but ran down the stairs and Liam sat, completely frozen in place as the words tingled all over his skin, burning into his body the fact that he hadn’t in fact dreamed of this before. It had all been real.

And now the words that lingered on his skin felt like a promise, ghostly patterns along his arm that gave him hope.


	14. Chapter 14

When Liam woke the next morning, his headache had mostly dissipated, a light buzzing sound ringing in his ear keeping him on the edge of slumber. Rolling around, he searched out for Zayn, needed the warmth of the boy’s body to combat the morning frisk. Quickly he realized he was alone in bed, eyes snapping open as he looked around the vast king size bed, empty but for himself.

If he listened attentively he could hear the soft hum of music coming from downstairs, announcing that Zayn was probably already awake. The night before had been quite awkward, Zayn coming in to check on Liam in his sleep, shaking him awake as the doctors had asked to make sure he was still coherent. Every time Liam thought something bad was happening to Zayn, it took all the self control in the world not to reach out and envelop the boy in his arms, cradling him to his chest.

In reality he found himself unable to sleep, his mind and body constantly seeking the comfort that Zayn offered. And its almost as if the boy understood, sitting in a corner with a sketch pad and some tea, ignoring Liam for all intensive purposes, claiming he was only doing what the doctors had ordered.

Groaning, his body stiff from sleep, Liam forced himself out of bed, his vision going a little blank before he could focus. He sat on the edge of his bed, listening to the quiet hum of an R&B song creeping up the stairs, Zayn’s lowly voice accompanying it.

The sound enveloped Liam, bringing him to his feet and down the stairs, his body following the music like a call for his heart. He stood in the doorway to the living room, head propped up on the entryway as he watched Zayn sing along, fingers stained with paint as they danced over a canvas.

“Didn’t know you finger painted,” Liam slurred, rubbing at his eyes, realizing he was in nothing but his underwear. The heat of the night had been so heavy, suffocating him until he tossed his shirt to the ground.

Zayn eyes grew wide as he turned around, trailing over the lines of Liam’s body before he looked up, settling his gaze on Liam’s mouth.

“Didn’t mean to wake you,” replied Zayn, wiping his fingers on a nearby cloth as he started gathering his supplies, closing the music quickly. “I’ll get out of you way.”

“You don’t have to leave every time I walk into a room Zayn,” Liam sighed, crossing his arms as Zayn passed him, canvas in hand, painting supplies in the other. “You live here too.”

“I was just going to make breakfast,” Zayn explained before he scurried up the stairs, disappearing into his room without another word, the loud banging sound of the door rattling the walls.

Liam watched the closed door, heart tight in his chest as he struggled with what to do. It was obvious that Zayn was trying to put distance between them, just as Liam had asked, but for some reason, he hadn’t thought it would be this hard.

Making his way into the kitchen, grabbing a shirt and some joggers from the laundry room first, Liam started on breakfast, omelets with bacon and veggies for him, eggs sunny side up with oatmeal for Zayn. He kept Zayn’s egg far from the bacon, remembering an incident where he had cooked the boy’s eggs in the bacon’s residue which had resulted in a small argument. Liam wanted to try and make things easy for Zayn now, and so he made extra certain that everything was perfect.

It was a bit of their usual routine, something he found himself questioning if he should do but before he knew it, he turned to find Zayn settling the table, a huge sweater adoring his shoulders as he sat in his usual seat, fingers fidgeting with the napkin.

Liam realized it was his own sweater the boy was wearing once he sat down facing him, eating quietly, nothing put the sound of utensils against plate being heard.

For the first time, eating in Zayn company became awkward, no words spoken or touches lingering between them. Simply two people, so filled with emotion, anger and hurt that couldn’t say what they needed to, that sat in silence and tried to make the best out of the situation.

“It doesn’t have to be like this,” Liam said when Zayn finished his food, cleaning it off in the sink without even acknowledging Liam.

“It does,” Zayn whispered, coming back to get Liam’s own empty plate, rinsing it off before placing it in the dishwasher.

“I can’t be around you and smile and pretend I’m fine,” the boy explained, slamming the door of the dishwasher shut. “You wanted distance, wanted me to figure things out and I can’t do that if you’re nice to me and act like you’re my boyfriend and act like you love me.”

“Zayn,” Liam said, standing up to walk towards the boy, but Zayn only recoiled, waving his hands before him, as if telling Liam to stay away.

“I never _acted_ like I love you, I do love you, with all my heart.”

“Maybe you do,” Zayn said when silence stained the air.

They stood for a moment, facing one another, barely able to look each other in the eye.

“Thanks for breakfast,” Zayn finally whispered, leaning in to press a chaste kiss to Liam lips, fingers lingering along the ridge of his arm before he pulled away, walking out the room.

Less than a minute later Liam heard a door slam shut yet again, making him swear under his breath, fisting his shirt in frustration.

This was going to be horribly unpleasant, it had been less than 24 hours and it was already tearing them apart. Zayn seemed to be questioning every single aspect of their relationship, second guessing every moment of their past. And Liam struggled with his feelings, heart once again hammering in his chest as he wondered if they could survive through this, if they could make it out and still love one another, still want to be with each other.

Groaning as he rubbed at his eyes, making his way back up the stairs for a shower, Liam thought about all the things he wanted to tell Zayn, all the things he didn’t know if he would ever get the chance to say now that it had all gone to shit.

*********************************

And so begun the whirlwind of things, the chaos of two lovers living together, but not being together, the possible beginning to the end.

**********************************

It was awkward, completely confusing and frustrating at every turn to live with Zayn, but not be with him.

On the second morning, while Liam was showering it was as if Zayn’s brain had blanked. The boy walked through the door, humming happily as he started brushing his teeth until Liam coughed awkwardly in the shower, the condensation hiding him.

The sound seems to click something into place in Zayn’s mind, who whispered a small apology before walking out, shoulders hunched, looking completely discouraged.

The next day, when the assistant nurse show up to check on Liam’s head, Zayn lingered by his side, taking his hand when he winced in pain before letting go as if he’d been burn, muttering yet again another apology before escaping back to his room where he wasn’t seen for the rest of the day.

That night Liam was awoken to an arm slung over his middle, a head of raven black hair pressed to his chest as little snores breached the silent night. It took all the self control he had not to give in, forget about the deal he’d made with himself to allow Zayn distance and time to think.

 In the end Liam’s good conscience won over as he untangled Zayn from around his torso, grabbing a spare pillow and blanket from the guest bedroom and crashing on the couch downstairs. Loki seemed confused by the separation, following Liam down the stairs before returning to Zayn’s side. Liam couldn’t even pretend to be jealous because he understood, if he had the choice he too would cuddle with Zayn.

The morning after that, when Liam woke, Zayn was already cooking in the kitchen, the smell of pancakes thick in the air. It felt oddly normal, encouraging Liam to go about his regular routine until Zayn offered him food. He politely declined, claiming he was going to head in to work for a little, get some paper work done since he was so far behind. Zayn had nodded his head, a mumbled response that Liam hadn’t really heard and then left the room with his food, once again escaping to the confines of the guest bedroom.

They hadn’t spoken of the incident since, yet every night that week, things went on awkwardly. Zayn kept tiptoeing his way into Liam’s room in the early hours of the morning, tangling himself around Liam until he could fall asleep comfortably. Liam on the other hand could barely sleep, yet couldn’t find it in his heart to say anything either. Every time he simply grabbed his things and headed downstairs, leaving Zayn alone in his bed, to wake to the coldness of the night.

After that, they barely spoke, Zayn waking with very little enthusiasm, offering no words or acknowledgement to Liam’s presence as he went about his day, mostly focused on eating and drawing. The only sign that he still thought about Liam, still knew he was there was that every morning he showed up wearing another of Liam’s sweaters, all too big for his lithe form yet it was the most beautiful thing Liam had ever seen.

Sometimes, late at night when he was about to go to sleep, Liam would check in on the boy, watching him draw late into the night, working furiously on his second comic book. It had Liam’s heart aching, the boy’s dedication admirable even now when he struggled to keep himself together, his eyes too often red rimmed with tears, his face stained from the previous night’s cries.

The only good news was that Zayn had loved the storyboards to the first comic strip, agreed to have them printed and distributed as he continued to work on the next issue. Liam had been so proud when he had held the final cop in his hand for the first time, coming home to Zayn making Bolognese sauce, cheeks’ blushed from the heat of the kitchen or the spices of the food.

It had hit him in that moment how much he hated this arrangement, hated how bad he needed the boy to figure out things more quickly. There was nothing more painful than coming home, excited to share news, greeted by a beautiful sight and then remembering that he could do nothing about it. He couldn’t hold Zayn in his arms, couldn’t kiss him and praise him, tell him all the beautiful things that slept on the tip of his tongue.

 It was a nightmare.

That night they had eaten in silence once again, Zayn flipping through the pages of the comic book, staining the sides of the pages with red sauce as he licked his finger to turn every page. Liam had sat watching, his plate barely touched as he was too enthralled by the sight of Zayn’s pink tongue ghosting along his fingers.

After a while, he had excused himself, claiming he had a headache lingering from the concussion and escaped to his bedroom, dick twitching at the thought of Zayn’s mouth. He was ashamed of his own behavior, his need so strong and desperate as he jumped into the shower to jerk himself off, whining into the skin of his arm as he bit down on his shoulder to muffle out the sound of his orgasm. He should have been somewhat sated after that, images of Zayn still flashing through his mind, but he wasn’t. He felt completely and utterly empty, his skin craving the touch of the boy he loved who was so close to him and yet so far.

When he had cleaned finished cleaning himself up, dressed in a pair of basketball short he had gone back to the kitchen, finishing off the pasta Zayn had so kindly stored into a plastic container for him before returning to his room.

As he had climbed the stairs back to the master suit, he had taken a detour by the guest bedroom, attracted by the light shinning under the closed door. It was wrong, probably a little creepy that he leaned in, ear touching the door and listened to Zayn, hoping to hear the boy’s familiar humming that soothed his inner demons. What he had not expected however was his name, moaned out in a filthy cry as Zayn no doubt touched himself.

Liam had stumbled back into his room after that, a little lost yet a little hopeful, a smile on his lips for the first time in a week as he fell into bed, his dick hard once more.

******************************

“Would you mind if my sisters and mom came over this afternoon?” Zayn asked the next morning, his back to Liam as he poured some milk into his cereal. He was dressed for the first time in a shirt of his own, paint splattered with some skinny black jeans.

“Of course not,” Liam answered, turning the page of the newspaper quickly when he saw Yaser’s name in bold at the top of the page. “You can invite them whenever you want Zayn, this is your home too.”

The boy smiled over his shoulder in response, choosing to eat his breakfast standing up by the counter, fingers nervously tapping a rhythm Liam thought he could recognize against the marble counter.

Just as Liam was finishing up his own food, Zayn had settled in front of him, an open banana in hand.

“Are you feeling better?”

“Much better,” Liam promised, swallowing audibly as Zayn opened his mouth, lips wrapping themselves around the banana in a way that was simply far from innocent and hunger related. Or rather, food hunger related.

“Glad to hear that,” muttered the boy, his words muffled as he chewed on the soft fruit. “Niall sent over that cheque for my expenses and all”.

“Don’t need his money,” answered Liam, standing so he could walk around the table where he stood before Zayn, reaching out to run his fingers along the boy’s jaw. He’d missed this, missed the physical contact but also the way Zayn loved to tease him, but he knew better.

“Next time you try to tease me,” Liam said, pulling his hand back, as he walked towards the door. “Don’t use a banana, I hate their taste. I only buy them for you.”

He had expected Zayn to come up with a proper smartass rebuttal, something completely him that would make Liam roll his eyes but the boy simply smiled, stretching his plump lips over the banana once more before taking another bite. He grinned like a fool, for the first time in a long time looking his age as Liam exited the kitchen, back towards his bed for some much needed rest, thinking that this may just be the first step towards progress.

**************************

When he woke, there were girlish screams of amusement filling his house as well as Zayn scolding voice no doubt telling his sisters to keep it down. He could hear the TV playing softly, a movie on the surround system vibrating through the floors as Loki barked in excitement.

The house was also filled with so many different aromas, dishes Zayn had made for him cooking in the oven, fresh baked cookies standing on the stove as Zayn’s mother came out of the kitchen at the same time Liam entered.

“Liam,” she said, smiling like he was her favourite person in the world, taking his hand to pull him back into the kitchen. “I’ve been meaning to call you, to thank you for everything.”

“You don’t have to thank me Mrs. Malik,” he tried telling her but she interrupted him immediately.

“Don’t be ridiculous, you’ve done so much for my sunshine, made him smile and finally develop his real potential. He seems so happy, so incredibly...himself. I can’t thank you enough,” she continued, squeezing his hand before shoving a platter of cookie at him.

“The girls can’t wait to see you,” she said, pushing at his back before he could even reply, down the hall and into the living room where everyone turned towards him, wide eyes probably from the delicious smelling cookies he was holding.

All three Malik sisters rushed at him, grabbing cookies from the platter with amused yet shy hellos before returning to the couch. Zayn on the other hand watched Liam attentively, eyes drawn together as if frowning but there was a ghost of a smile on his face, something small yet discernible.

Stepping forth, grabbing the biggest cookie he could see Liam offered it to Zayn who accepted, eyes cast down as he blushed a little, their fingers brushing every so lightly against one another.

It felt a little like the first time, those first days where everything was new and perfect, so beautiful and passionate and it was simply because their fingers touched one another. It felt a little like a new beginning, fresh and filled with possibilities.

“Thanks,” whispered Zayn, slapping at his oldest sister’s hand as she tried to steal the cookie Liam had just given him. She cooed in response, pulling at her brother’s glasses until they barely leaned on his nose

“Zayn doesn’t want us to steal his boyfriend’s cookie,” the youngest sing sung, as she made a kissy face at them, both of Zayn’s other sisters joining in.

And they all laughed, amused as Zayn blushed even more, taking a bite of the cookie as he avoided Liam’s gaze. He obviously didn’t feel like explaining to them the situation, having enough on his mind to deal with so Liam played along, pressing a chaste kiss to the top of Zayn’s head before leaving the cookies on the table for them to eat.

It reminded him of his pizza date with Zayn, greasy fingers skimming over his skin leavening glossy patterns as they had kissed. He tried to ignore the pull of his stomach as he faked a smile, crossing Trisha in the hallway as he headed towards the backyard.

Once he pushed through the door, fresh air enveloping him, he started running, out into the open clearing of the forest that surrounded his home, the same woods he and Zayn had stumbled through to find Loki. He was barely through the brush of things when he stopped, tears stinging his eyes.

 Everything kept reminding him of Zayn, making him think of how happy they could be but there was that constant ball of guilt in Liam’s stomach that grew every time they spoke, telling him that Zayn’s pain, his struggles were partially his fault.

He desperately wanted to make things work, needed Zayn more than anything else but he also wanted the boy to become who he was meant to be. There was an amazing artist hiding underneath all the layers, something Zayn still seemed ashamed of. He hid every time he drew, closed off in his room, escaping reality but mostly escaping Liam. And it killed Liam that he couldn’t help, killed him that every time he walked into a room and Zayn as working on a drawing, the boy would gather his things and leave.

From the start they were supposed to be a team, Liam mentoring Zayn, guiding him towards what he was meant to do, what he was best at and yet, the more days went, the more Liam felt like a failure. All he seemed to have given Zayn were more questions to struggle with, more ultimatums that the boy really didn’t need.

***********************

Time went on, days turned into weeks and weeks turned into a month. Niall stayed in Ireland, tending to his grandmother on her death bed, checking in with Zayn every other day, always taking a few minutes to speak with Liam who refused any money he offered.

After Liam’s episode in the woods, things seemed to regain some normalcy. They traded off cooking days, Liam’s often ending up with take out that Zayn rolled his eyes at but ate with just as much enthusiasm as his own food. Most Friday nights were spent watching movies, more often than none old superhero flicks that aired on the retro channel as they ate greasy pizza and BBQ flavoured popcorn, mixed with chocolate ice cream and peanut butter Oreos.

If it weren’t for the fact that they never touched, each taking an end of the couch, Loki in between them, it would have been just like before, just like when they dated. Neither of them ever brought up the topic however, simply choosing to enjoy the fact that they weren’t fighting.

Zayn mother dropped by at least twice a week, bringing dish after dish that Liam fell in love with, eating every single one with stained fingers and a happy smile. On the other hand, there was very little news about Yaser, Zayn’s mother changing the topic every time Zayn brought it up, she too choosing to opt out, and avoid conflict.

Liam could sometimes see the frustration rising in Zayn as the boy talked with his mother, fingers curled tightly into fist at his side as he nodded politely. After those visits Zayn often disappeared, music blaring behind his locked door and Liam allowed it, figured it was Zayn’s own way of dealing with the situation. He couldn’t really judge, knowing the complexity of his own relationship with his father.

His time with Zayn's sisters also made him realize how complicated and difficult most of his relationships were. The last time he had spoken to his own family had been during Christmas, kind words barely exchanged as he had mumbled holiday greetings non-committedly, drunk from Louis’s holiday drinks.

His best friend was in fact another complex relation Liam had to deal with, stopping by once in a while to check on him, mocking the mo-hawk cut Zayn had given him to compensate for his half shaven head after the accident. Most days they were able to have sensible conversations, Liam always holding his breath every time Lou said something to the boy, terrified that he’d trigger another fight. Oddly, Louis was on his best behaviour, polite yet short in his interaction with Zayn, preferring to fan over Loki as he drank a glass of wine, always leaving long before the time he usually had.

Liam ignored it, in fact he ignored mostly everything that wasn’t related to Zayn. After two weeks, he moved most of his office back home, preferring to read and edit his numerous project there, finding comfort in the constant music that came from Zayn’s room, the delicious aromas that filled the house but mostly just from being near the Zayn. _His_ Zayn.

***************************

One rainy morning, the wind outside shaking the trees restlessly, water pouring down the windows, making it seem like they were stuck in a water prison, Liam chose to do his regular workout session at home, settling in the living room with Toy Story playing in the background.

He was almost done, his body aching every time he pulled himself up, the last dozen of his one hundred curl ups working his abs the hardest when Zayn appeared before him, swallowed up in his old University sweatshirt, sleeves reaching down further than his hands.

The sight woke something animalistic in Liam, a primal feeling he hadn’t felt in a long time, something that screamed _mine_. The boy was so beautiful as he started to fidget, fingers threading through his long fringe, hair falling into his eyes, getting caught in the thick frame of his glasses.

There was a slight stubble that ran along his jaw, something that gave Zayn a little edge, making him look more and more like the man he was quickly becoming.

“Do you have a minute?” Zayn said, kneeling in front of Liam so they were at the same level.

Nodding, Liam forced himself up, towelling off is bare chest with his towel, not missing the way Zayn’s eyes traced his movement, the boy licking his lips.

“What’s up?” he asked when Zayn seemed to be a little out of it, eyes glued to Liam’s chest.

Living with Zayn was a little frustrating. The boy ate so much junk food, and did barely any exercise and stayed super fit, body strong and tight from what Liam could see.

Truth was it made him a little self conscious. He wasn’t 18 after all, his body couldn’t do the same, so he took pride on working hard, his daily work out a necessity to his physical and mental well being. So seeing Zayn’s eyes linger on his body, licking his lips like he wanted a taste of Liam was a good boost to his ego.

“Are you free tomorrow night?” the boy inquired, looking down at his hands that were now clasped tightly together until Loki trotted into the room, rubbing himself against Zayn’s side like a cat would.

“I am,” Liam said, crossing his legs so he could look at Zayn properly, his own hand reaching out to thread through Loki short fur, but more so he could touch Zayn, even if it was only a brush of their fingers.

The words seem to relieve a weight off of the boy’s shoulders who sighed in relief, before forcing his eyes up to watch Liam.

“Would you like to go on a date with me?” Zayn asked, his voice so small, almost lost in Loki’s little whimpers for attention when Liam stopped stroking his back, a little too stunned to continue.

“You want us to go on a date?” repeated Liam, his head swimming at the unexpected demand.

Zayn only shrugged in response, obviously started to question his decision, the fear of rejection evident as his eyes started to fill with tears. Immediately, Liam allowed his hand to shoot forward, cupping the boy’s jaw and tilting his face upwards. It was the first time he’d let himself touch Zayn deliberately in almost a month, and it made his pulse race.

“I’d love to go on a date with you,” Liam finally replied, smiling down at Zayn, before he leaned forth lips pressed to Zayn’s own trembling ones for barely a second before pulling back, the boy in his arms whining at the lost.

A little too lost in his own feelings, Liam wrapped Zayn in his arms, the boy's head falling against his chest as they held on to one another, breathing each other scent as Loki kept nipping at their ankles, trying to get attention.

“I’ll make it work this time,” Zayn whispered, fingers digging into Liam’s bare chest. “I’ll make it right.”

Tightening his hold on the boy, Liam only nodded in response, a stupid gesture since Zayn obviously couldn’t see him at the moment but he didn’t trust his voice right this instance. He wanted to believe it would work, wanted to believe they had a fighting chance, so he kept quiet, holding Zayn to his heart until they were both too exhausted from the position to continue.

He half expected Zayn to follow him back to his room, help him shower and get into bed with him but once they reached the top of the stairs, the boy separated their hands, winking in Liam’s direction before walking away.

Surprised, Liam watched the door close behind Zayn, the clicking sound echoing in his mind but it only made him smile, proving just how much progress Zayn had done. Turning towards his own room, Liam couldn’t help but laugh in relief, stepping into the shower with a hopeful heart and tingling lips.


	15. Chapter 15

“The rooftop?” asked Liam, a smile in his voice as he looked up at the familiar industrial building, Zayn’s presence radiating heat a few steps before him.

“It keeps me calm,” Zayn replied, scrapping his foot across the asphalt. “And we have good memories here, yeah?”

Liam nodded, flashes of one of their first days together going through his mind as he carded his fingers through his hair.  It had been a relatively normal few days leading towards their reunion date, Zayn still locking himself in his room for hours although when he came out, still hiding behind Liam’s frumpy clothes, he smiled more. He would linger a little longer in the kitchen than before, sit a little closer to Liam while they ate. It wasn’t much really, a small opening in the hard shell that Zayn had developed but it was better than nothing.

This morning on the other hand had been completely different, Zayn bouncing down the stairs rather early in comparison to his usual noonish schedule. He had smiled widely at Liam, making pancakes with copious amounts of maple syrup and fruits. The boy then proceeded to take Loki on a run which had left Liam all but gasping in surprise. Physical activity and Zayn usually didn’t mix all too well, unless they spent hours in bed, panting into each other’s skin.

But Zayn had returned an hour later, cheeks flushed and body glistening with sweat, filling Liam’s mind with filthy thoughts as he watched, a little too captivated as the boy climbed the stairs two at a time to shower.

The rest of the afternoon had been spent humming to the loud music Zayn blasted restlessly, singing to the top of his lung a beat behind every word. It had Liam smiling as he prepared himself, showering longingly as he debated what to wear, going for something casual. Jeans and a button down, mostly because he knew just how much Zayn liked those on him, or even more so liked to steal them the next morning to wear to breakfast.

Liam wasn’t exactly hopeful that they would sleep together. On the contrary he was hoping Zayn would take things slow, ease into the hard stuff and just simply appreciate the fact that they could be content around one another. Liam wanted to bathe in the warm sun with Zayn at his side, to feel the boy’s own heat soothe his body and trigger his smile.

He didn’t need sex to feel close to Zayn, didn’t need much really, just wanted him to be in arms reach, maybe get a taste of the boy’s lips. But that was only if Zayn wanted, if Zayn was ready.

Turning towards the boy, Liam held out his hand, pleased when Zayn immediately intertwined their fingers pulling him towards the building. Zayn kept smiling back at him, shy grins that illuminated the dark staircase as they made their way to the rooftop, the familiar poster taped steel door now standing before them.

“Close your eyes,” Zayn said, standing between him and the door, an encouraging look in his eyes as he nodded brightly.

“Do I have to?” Liam replied hesitantly but complied without waiting for an answer, squeezing Zayn’s hand, seeking reassurance.

He felt the boy step towards him, a cautious hand settling on his hip before lips brushed his ear, making him shiver.

“Trust me,” whispered Zayn, his free hand skimming down the line of Liam’s shoulder as he pulled away, dragging him forward.

He heard the door open, as he walked forth, flexing his hands around Zayn’s every few seconds as the warmth of the sun once again licked at his skin. There was a vague sugary aroma, the flowers that used to litter the rooftop probably still blooming.

“You can open your eyes now.”

Grinning, so happy that Zayn seemed to have found some confidence, Liam opened his eyes, blinking against the sudden natural brightness. For a second his eyes saw nothing but Zayn, the outline of the boy’s lithe body, his dark skin glowing under the evening sun. It was as the world was solely focused on the boy, as if it revolved around him.

And then Liam saw their surroundings, the trees with twinkling lights from before adorned with flowers of all sorts, rose petals thrown around their feet, leading to a table for two that resembled greatly the set up Liam had done for Zayn’s birthday. Candles and shinny silverware, framed by linen clothes and silvery plates.

“From what I’ve seen you like cheesy so here you go,” shrugged Zayn with a laugh, pulling Liam along towards the table, were he wrapped a careful hand around the boy’s waist.

“I like you,” he said, taking in the sight before him. It was obvious that it had taken time and a lot of effort to set up, which meant the world to Liam. “All this is just a bonus. I’d be happy if we stayed home and ate greasy take out.”

“But this is good too, right?” Zayn asked, his voice suddenly wobbly, as he looked up at Liam, searching for reassurance which Liam gave right back, smiling as wide as he could. Without thinking he leaned down, pressing his mouth to Zayn’s for half a second, pulling back to stare into the boy’s surprise, wide eyes.

“It’s perfect,” he whispered, wondering if he’d crossed a line but Zayn seemed to pull himself together quickly, nodding curtly before telling Liam to sit.

Liam complied, eyes tracking Zayn every movement as the boy lit the candles, sending coy looks in his direction. Zayn then walked a little further away, hiding for a second behind a few trees only to come back with two chocolate cakes.

“You’re serious?” Liam chuckled as Zayn placed one of the cakes in front of him, swiping his finger through it before bringing it to Liam’s lips. Completely smitten, his heart feeling light for the first time in weeks, Liam leaned forward, sucking the boy’s finger into his mouth, looking up directly at Zayn.

He could see the boy’s breathing hitch, his chest stilling for a second as Liam twirled his tongue along Zayn’s finger, removing all traces of chocolate, but mostly enjoying the fact he still had some effect over Zayn. He allowed his lips to linger, kissing the pad of Zayn’s finger before grinning up at him.

“Your mother would scold me if she knew I was letting you eat dessert before supper,” Liam whined, yet his happiness gave him away as Zayn sat before him, his own cake glistening with sugar.

“Let’s not talk about my mother,” grumbled Zayn, finger swiping through the icing again, a hint of hesitation flashing through his eyes before he licked at it, staring directly at Liam. “Today’s about us, yeah?”

Nodding in agreement, his throat tight as he watched Zayn’s lips so perfectly wrapped around his own finger, Liam tore his gaze away, coughing nervously.

“Just you and me,” he promised.

Settling in casual conversation, they ate their cakes as the sun set around them, creating a kaleidoscope of colours to reflect across the sky. It was so simple and casual, a mixture of their history and the possibility of their future spread out on a bed of sunset stars.

Through the evening, Liam kept observing Zayn, looking for signs of him being uncertain or uncomfortable but the boy was nothing but sugar stained lips and light laughter, banter coming off his tongue like nothing dramatic had ever occurred between them.

When the night had finally settled, the twinkling lights of the trees offering a romantic lighting, Zayn stood a little nervously, feet getting caught in the table. Liam’s hand shot out immediately, stabilizing Zayn on his own two feet until the boy looked up from his falling glasses, obviously embarrassed.

“The cake was delicious,” he said, trying to distract Zayn away from his embarrassment. Slapping his stomach for good measure, Liam looked back at Zayn. “I’m going to have to run for days to burn all those calories.”

“No you won’t,” countered Zayn, the blush in his cheeks slowly fading as he held his hand out for Liam to take.  “Stand up.”

Liam followed orders, standing in front of Zayn as he threaded their fingers together but kept a safe distance between their bodies. He followed the boy down the wooden path towards a secluded area, palm trees and flowers creating a dome above them. There was soft music playing in the background adding to the ambiance as Zayn swivelled on his heal, coming face to face with Liam.

“Would you like to dance with me?” Zayn asked, dropping his hand to his side, as his eyes stayed glued to the ground, not once looking up at Liam.

It was so painful to see the change in the boy’s demeanor, the happiness and confidence that could slip away so easily leaving place to this shy boy, oh so scared to be rejected, to say what he truly wanted in fear of being told off.

“Zayn,” Liam said, trying to sound gentle yet assertive, coaxing Zayn’s eyes up to his.

“I’d love to dance with you,” he replied, his fingers dancing along the boy’s jaw which had a ghost of a grin flickering across his face. “It’s good exercise,” he added in hopes to entice the happy Zayn back to him.

At that Zayn groaned, rolling his eyes before stepping into Liam’s open arms, hugging him for a few seconds before lacing his arms around his neck.

“You need to stop worrying about your weight,” Zayn whispered into his chest, lips brushing across his skin warmly. “You’re perfect the way you are.”

Laughing whole-heartedly, Liam tipped Zayn chin up, eyes sparkling with so much love and admiration. “I suck at cooking,” he said in all seriousness.

This time it was Zayn that exploded into laughter, fingers digging at the bottom of Liam’s neck but it felt so good, seeing his boy so carefree and genuinely smiling.

Zayn looked his age for the first time in weeks, amusement so obvious as he clung to Liam but it wasn’t as desperate as it use to be. Looking back on their past, Liam now saw all the details his mind had possibly refused to acknowledge, the signs that screamed that something was wrong with Zayn like the way he constantly sought out reassurance, needed to be told he was doing good.

Even though it would be a long process to change, something maybe years in the deconstructing, this was a massive beginning, the first step in a long path that they might go down together. Now, Zayn just clung to him in a loving way, licking his lips as he looked up at Liam from under long lashes and big glasses.

“You’re a terrible cook,” Zayn agreed, pressing his reddened cheek just over Liam’s heart, humming out a beat that resembled closing to Liam’s own breathing as they moved together.

It wasn’t really dancing, simply their bodies pressed together swaying to the soft melody of the music, the nearby traffic almost drowning out the sound. Yet it was beyond perfect, so raw and elementary, stripped to basics, bringing them right back to the beginning, right back to the dates they never had.

“I’m really glad you asked me out,” Liam muttered, not really certain why but feeling as though it was important for Zayn to know he wanted to be here, needed to be here really. “I’ve missed spending time with you.”

After a beat of silence, Zayn pulled away, nodding to Liam with a soft _me too,_ lingering in the air between them before he sat down on the ground, patting the space next to him for Liam to join him.

“I’ve missed spending time with you too,” Zayn finally started after a few seconds, Liam now sitting right next to him, their thighs brushing as Zayn kept shuffling in his seat.

“I know I’ve acted weird, and sometimes I said things that I didn’t mean, that were hurtful but I didn’t really know why I was saying them at the time. There were days I woke up so angry, I want to scream and break things around me. Then there were days I just wanted to cry. S-so I did, I rolled around in bed and cried like a kid and I felt ...pathetic and at some point I think I realized I was grieving. I mourned my father, my relation with him and the fact that it was dead.” Zayn said, his voice so small and trembling as his hand inched towards Liam’s, asking support with a wordless plea.

“I don’t think I ever realized how hard I tried to alter who I was for him, don’t think it ever crossed my mind that it was wrong either. I just wanted..wanted him to be proud and sometimes I thought everyone went through this, everyone tried to please others, to be what others needed them to be. I think you made me see that I was wrong, that my dad was wrong.”

Zayn paused for a second, his fingers suddenly digging a painful pattern into Liam’s hand but he stay silent, waiting for Zayn to go on.

“I think I hated you at some point,” the boy finally whispered, looking up at him through red-rimmed eyes as silent tears strolled down his face. “I hated that you made me realize how much of an asshole my father was, hated that you made me feel like I lived a lie.”

“I’m sorry,” Liam muttered, throat tight as he watched the boy he love break before his eyes, feeling responsible for all of it and suddenly feeling like he had push Zayn into something he had never wanted.

But Zayn interrupted his thoughts, pushing his way into his bubble as he straddled him, settling on his thighs as he forced their eyes to meet.

“You also made me see all the possibilities the world had to offer me, made me feel normal for loving comic books. You looked at me with such happiness, with such awe like you saw potential in me. You believed in me,” the boy finished, his voice barely above a whisper. “You loved me.”

“I love you,” Liam rectified, emphasizing the present tense as he ran his hand down Zayn’s back, trying to comfort the boy.

“You love me,” repeated Zayn, this time looking straight at Liam, eyes not wavering as he leaned in, pressing his lips delicately to Liam’s.

It was a delicate kiss, no tongue or lingering, nothing but a brushing of mouths and yet it held more meaning than anything else in Liam’s life. It felt like a clean slate, a new beginning that wasn’t tainted with lies and secrets, a fresh start with endless possibilities.

“I think I love you too,” Zayn said, choosing his words carefully as small trembling fingers traced Liam’s every feature, tickling as it smoothed down his nose, ghosting across his cheeks before slicking over his lips. “I want to see where this can go. If you want to.”

“I do, beautiful. With all my heart” Liam vowed, allowing himself the pleasure of another quick kiss that Zayn returned easily, smiling seductively when he pulled away.

“Are you flirting with me, Mr. Payne?” the boy said, batting his lashes excessively, before he fell into a fitful laughter, pulling Liam in for another quick kiss.

“I most definitely am,” smiled Liam before pressing his mouth to the curve of Zayn’s neck in an innocent gesture, pulling away to look at the boy in his arms, pride filling his every pore.

Maybe they would be ok after all.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it took so long! I hope you enjoy it!

Liam was feeling great as he walked through the door of his house, arms filled with numerous copies of novels he had to read over the weekend. It had been quite a productive day at work as he’d put the final touches to an amazing sci-fi novella that was due out next month. His assistant and him had managed to get through quite an impressive amount of paper work and he was ready for a few days away from the office and in the comforts of Zayn’s proximity.

Rounding the corner into the kitchen, Liam dropped unceremoniously the stack of papers on the counter. There were dirty dishes in the sink, the familiar smell of mac and cheese lingering in the air as he smiled and looked around.

Zayn had been doing better in the last two weeks cooking a great deal for the both of them as well as for his sisters that came over every other day. Safaa was almost a permanent feature in their home, the little girl often lounging in the living room with Zayn, watching movies when Liam returned home from work.

But the house was awfully silent today, no cheerful giggles being heard as Liam pulled at his tie, loosening the fabric before tugging it off. He wondered where Zayn was, longing to hold the boy in his arm after hours spent away, but they were still in an awkward period of adaptation.

It was quite difficult to live with Zayn yet to keep his distance, but Liam gave the boy the space he needed, accepting the affection Zayn offered when he thought appropriate. There were some morning kisses, tasting of coffee and peanut butter and cuddles as they watched the news late at night. There were long nights spent in bed kissing, but it never crossed the line. Zayn remained physically distant, something Liam couldn’t blame the boy for as he was still struggling with his identity, with the consequences of his beliefs and who he was without the strict limitations his father had imposed upon him.

Mounting the stairs two at a time, Liam made a b-line for his room, stripping his button down shirt quickly. He was about to walk into the bathroom when he heard Loki bark, a high pitch sound coming from the office, that kept on being repeated. Worried, Liam made his way back down the stairs, heading towards the office, where he could hear Loki’s distant bark joined by little growls.

“Would you be quiet, you’ll get us into trouble,” Liam heard Zayn scold through the door, Loki’s helpless bark suddenly ceasing.

Intrigued, Liam pushed the door open, coming face to face with a very disheveled Zayn covered in paint, with Loki struggling out of his arms. The little pup was straining to run all over the room, but Liam could see Zayn’s dilemma, the dog’s paws standing out with bright green paint.

“Should I even ask?” Liam said as he walked in, amused by the way Zayn’s face turned red in seconds, obviously embarrassed.

“We’re making art,” the boy tried to explain with a straight face as Loki finally broke free from his grip, instantly running towards Liam, leaving a trail of green paw prints all over the huge white canvas on the ground. 

The little dog jumped for Liam’s attention, making a mess below him until Zayn crawled towards him, picking him up again.

“He always whines when I draw because he can’t participate,” shrugged Zayn as he added some red paint to Loki’s paw before letting him run across the canvas again. “I thought it would be fun. If only he stayed on the damn canvas”.

Liam saw Zayn’s eyes dart to the corner of the room, where some paw prints were stamped to the wall repeatedly.

“Sorry,” whispered Zayn as he sat back, legs spread wide as he watched the little pup run around the room.

Smiling, Liam sat down opposite the boy, his own legs stretched out so their feet were touching. “Been meaning to repaint anyways,” he said as he dipped his hand in some blue paint before pressing it to the center of the canvas. “I’m shit at art, fingering painting is probably the best I could do.”

“Probably,” Zayn countered with a laugh, raising his hands in defence when Liam glared at him.

Loki came scampering between them, desperate to catch their attention as he barked loudly, walking straight through the paint palette, and back around them. It was the cutest thing ever, a little ball of energy sprinting across the canvas, leaving trails of paw print paints, creating a design of random colours. It was a mess really, added to Liam’s huge hand print in the middle and yet it made sense as Zayn added his own hand print next to his. It looked like some type of odd family portrait.

Without thinking, Liam leaned in, dipping his finger in blue paint before smudging it across Zayn’s nose who immediately looked shocked.

“You did not just do that,” Zayn said, and Liam wasn’t sure if he was faking it until the boy broke into a huge grin, launching forward to attack Liam with his own paint dripping hands.

Liam felt the warm press of Zayn's hand smearing paint across his chest, a huge line of yellow standing out against his naked skin. Immediately, he grabbed the boy around the waist and hauled him into his lap, tickling him furiously until Zayn was pushing at his chest, begging for him to stop. He did, only for a second, adding more paint to his hand before sliding it down Zayn’s jaw who countered his movement, splattering red all over his cheek.

Within seconds they were a mess of intertwined limbs, covered in different colours of paint, Loki running circles around them as he barked enthusiastically. Zayn ended up on his back, Liam looming over him as they both panted, high off their childish amusement with paint splattered all over each other, Liam’s biceps decorated with trails of Zayn’s fingers.

Their eyes met for an instance, their air around them shifting from something light and funny to something electric. Only then did Liam realize he was kneeling between Zayn’s thighs, the boy’s legs all but wrapped around his waist. He shifted awkwardly, suddenly self conscious of what he was imposing upon Zayn, and accidentally their groins brushed together, making Zayn moan out loudly.

“Don’t do that,” Liam pleaded as he pulled away a little more, sitting back on his heels, his skin starting to feeling too hot, as he watched Zayn half lying down on the floor, a look of utter need in his eyes.

“Why are you so reluctant for us to get intimate again?” Zayn suddenly asked, moving so he was sitting in front of Liam, legs cross but his growing erection in plain sight.

“I’m not,” Liam tried to argue, but Zayn glared in his direction immediately, his warm brown eyes going cold as it skimmed over Liam’s bare chest, the hand print over his heart feeling heavier by the second.

Sighing, he pushed his hair out of his face, feeling trapped by his own emotions as he tried to swallow around the lump in his throat.

“I want you to make the right decision,” Liam explained, not entirely sure if he could find the right words. “We both know how hard the past few weeks have been, with your family and everything, and I try to be strong and give you space, and let you see that I’ll always be there for you but sometimes.. I don’t know...Its..its stupid really.”

He heard Zayn shuffle closer more than he saw him, his eyes cast down in his lap as he fidgeted uncomfortable. He tried to get the drying paint out from under his nails and gave a frustrated grunt when Zayn forced his head up, a gentle touch sliding along his jaw.

“If it affects you this much its not stupid,” Zayn encouraged, sitting back on his heels as he caressed Liam’s neck soothingly. “You need to tell me these things.”

Liam knew he probably should, keeping his emotions caged in was not the best of ideas, certainly not in a case like this where they were both learning how to be a couple once more. Yet, he couldn’t help it, he felt as though he had to protect Zayn, to keep all the things that could worry him at bay, even if that meant stopping himself from being honest.

Zayn sat before him in silence, not pushing for more details, but his soothing touch never ceased, running comforting patterns all across Liam’s skin, making his shiver.

“I’m afraid you’ll leave me again,” Liam managed to whispered after a few minutes, turning his head away from Zayn’s touch as if it burned his skin. He knew it wasn’t exactly fair to admit it to the boy, that he was struggling with his own insecurities too, but at this point Liam thought that they might just stay stuck here forever if he didn’t share his thoughts.

“You really think I would?” Zayn asked, his own voice trembling as he let his hand fall in his own lap, no more contact between them.

“Yes,” uttered Liam before he could think, immediately regretting it. “I mean no, I don’t know to be honest.”

Liam paused for a second, looking up at Zayn would was biting his lip nervously and regretted it instantly. He didn’t want to cause the boy anymore pain but he felt as though Zayn deserved to know the truth. After everything they’d been through, Zayn had managed to open up to him, to tell him things that were probably excruciatingly hard to say and so he was entitled to the same thing from Liam.

Coughing, his eyes stinging a little from all the emotion, Liam tried to go on.

“I don’t have the best track record with relationships you know and sometimes I’m scared you might just love me because I’m the only opinion, because you haven’t met others that treat you like you deserve. And what if in two weeks you meet someone you like better than me, what if I’m just there to make you realize that what your father taught you is shit, by I’m only temporary. I don’t want to be temporary. I’m tired of being temporary. I want to be someone’s forever even if that’s the dumbest most naive concept there is.”

Zayn exhaled loudly, his breath fanning over Liam’s face, making his realize there were tears staining his cheeks. He wiped at them, trying to regain control over his emotions, eyes searching out for Loki but the paw prints on the hardwood floor leading out the door made him realize that they were alone. Just him, Zayn and this epic mess he had created.

“When you say _not the best track record_ , what exactly do you mean?” Zayn said after a few seconds of silence, his fingers returning to draw random words across the back of Liam’s hand. He could feel the _forever,_ and _I love you_ but he tried not to pay attention to it.

“I’m usually the guy people date for the money, or for the fame,” he explained as if it was the most casual thing in the world. “I have a habit of coming home and finding the person I’m in love with with someone else, or getting dumped because I’m too much of a nice guy, because I work too hard, or try too hard. I can’t help but think that one day you might add to the list.”

There was an awkward silence that settled between them as Liam wiped at his cheeks again, giving an annoyed huff before he looked up, finding Zayn observing him with a smile on his lips.

“I definitely plan on adding to that list,” the boy whispered, crawling forward until he could straddle Liam’s thighs, wrapping both his arms around his neck. “You’ll the be the guy I date because he is so genuinely caring and smart, so filled with love and attention that sometimes my heart feels like it’s going to burst from it. You’ll be the guy I tell everyone about because I’m so damn proud to say you’re mine, not because of the money or the fame but just because you are the most amazing man I know. You have a heart of gold, something completely unique and for so long I was scared to believe men could be like that. That I could feel how I felt about you, but I’m not scared anymore,” Zayn admitted.

Leaning in, he brushed his lips across Liam’s mouth, a ghost of a kiss as he threaded his fingers through Liam’s short hair.

“You changed the boy I was into a man, into someone my mother could be proud of, into someone I could be proud of. You taught me more in a few months about life, than my father did in years. And I’ve learned to love you, to want you, to need you in a completely different way than before. I can’t promise you forever Liam, but I can promise you for as long as you’ll want me.”

“You don’t have to say those things,” Liam muttered as he closed his eyes, holding back more tears, but Zayn wouldn’t allow it, forcing his head up until he opened his eyes once more.

“I don’t have to do anything that I don’t want, you taught me that but I want this, want you more than I want anything in the world. You won me over completely Liam, you helped me fix myself and maybe it’s time I help you too.”

“How?” Liam questioned, feeling like a child as Zayn’s hands slide down his chest, skimming along the lines of his abs, making him groan with pleasure.

“By letting you know every single day that you let me be by your side how important you are, how loved you are and how much you matter. And right this minute I want to show you just how beautiful you are too,” Zayn whispered as he let his lips trace the outline of Liam’s ear, kissing down his neck and his shoulders. “You look like my greatest master piece right now.”

And Liam couldn’t help but laugh, lying back so Zayn could hover above him, smaller hands going for the buttons of his trousers.

“I should be making you feel better,” Liam responded as he lifted his hips, allowing Zayn to pull off his pants before coming back to settle in his lap.

“You did,” promised Zayn, kissing him until he was a little breathless, his mind swimming with arousal that he hadn’t allowed himself to feel in weeks.

“It’s my turn now,” the boy said, eyes sparkling with anticipation as he licked along Liam’s neck and down his chest.

“You don’t have to do this,” tried Liam one last time, needing the reassurance that Zayn wanted this on his own, that he wasn’t pressured into it even if the boy had made it obvious.

“I know,” Zayn assured him, pushing his hand into Liam’s boxers and taking his dick in hand, causing Liam to groan from just how good it felt.

The little restraint he had left was gone the minute Zayn crawled down his body and took him into his mouth, sucking him off excruciatingly slow. It was kitten licks, and soft kisses, gentle hand movements that had Liam’s hips thrusting up for more, as his brain melted and he grunted at every touch.

“Need you, Zayn,” he finally let out, not entirely sure if he meant sexually or in his life, but Zayn seemed to understand, moaning a small _I know,_ as he pulled away so he could drag off his own shirt and trousers, producing a packet of lube from his pocket.

Liam watched completely mesmerized as the boy undress, no hint of the shy demeanor he had once tried so hard to hide. He looked so proud and utterly in love as he kneeled next to Liam’s kissing the back of his hand before he started fingering himself slowly, not once breaking eye contact.

It felt important to do this, to allow Zayn the chance to change his mind and yet the boy had never looked so determine. He worked his fingers into himself into rapid succession, holding on to Liam’s hand desperately as he started panting, rocking back onto his fingers as he finally closed his eyes, giving into the pleasures of his body.

Licking his lips, Liam forced himself onto his elbows so he could kiss along Zayn’s neck who gasped from the first touch to his sweaty skin, moaning when Liam proceeded down his body. He trailed long open mouth kisses along the boy’s skin, nipping at his hip, stubble running along Zayn’s dick as he helplessly thrust up, moaning uncontrollably from the feeling.

When he looked up at Zayn, the boy’s warm eyes were tracing his movements, lips plump and swollen as he bit down on them before coaxing Liam to him, falling into a kiss needier than anything they had ever exchanged before.

“Need you now,” Zayn managed to grunt as they rutted against one another, Liam nodding in agreement as he lay back down, allowing Zayn control once more.

The boy settled over him instantly, his hand taking hold of Liam’s dick to apply a good amount of lube to it. Through gritted teeth, Liam watched Zayn jerk his off slowly before kneeling over him, taking all the time in the world to stretch around him until the boy bottomed out, already looking as if he was close to coming.

“You feel so good,” Zayn moaned as he started moving, rocking his hips as Liam allowed himself the pleasure to thrust up, causing them but to gasp.

Zayn felt so utterly tight around him, the small hands gripping at his chest, pressed over the paint splatter making his brain swim with need. It felt like so much more than sex, so much more important and yet it felt like the simplest thing in the world.

With every roll of Zayn’s hips, Liam countered with a calculated thrust, falling into an easy pattern of breathless moans. He trailed his hands all over the boy’s body, watching Zayn with captivated attention as he too observed Liam, eyes dark with desire.

“I love you so much,” Zayn panted as he started moving faster, hands skimming along Liam’s arms until he could intertwine their fingers, leaning down to kiss him as though they were connected by every fibber of their being.

They grunted into each other’s mouth, desperate moans as Liam started thrusting more rapidly, feeling Zayn stretch around him and whimper with ever push. It was a slow build and yet it felt completely chaotic, a crashing of souls as Liam wrapped his arms around Zayn’s waist, holding him closer so he could move more easily, whispering loving words to the boy that simply lost himself in the touch of his body.

“I love you too,” whispered Liam as he rolled them over, trapping Zayn beneath him. The boy looked up at him with pleading eyes, face flushed as he moaned for more, moving his hips wantonly.

There were repeated gasps of his name, fingers digging into his skin as Liam started to move again, cradled between Zayn’s thighs. He felt so utterly focused, his entire being centred around the boy beneath him, needing to pleasure him, to love him, to make him feel so perfect like Zayn made him feel. And he realized as he pushed forward, Zayn moaning a loud _FUCK_ that this was all he’d ever need.

The boy completed him fully in ways he never knew he needed, left him whole in every aspect of his life. Seeking his orgasm now was just a bonus to Liam, the extra sensational pleasure he got from seeing Zayn in such a blissful state, trashing around underneath him, begging to come.  

“Touch me please,” the boy panted as he dragged his fingers through Liam’s hair, pulling him down into another sloppy kiss that Liam eagerly returned.

Reaching between them to take hold of Zayn’s dick, Liam started working Zayn to every beat of his hips, rendering Zayn into a blubbering, pleading mess.

“Please Liam, I need you, please, fuck,” the boy kept grunted, face grimacing from the thin line between orgasm and reality, pleasure and pain.

Thrusting deeper, twisting his hips to the perfect angle, Liam worked Zayn over like he knew the boy needed. Seconds later, Zayn was coating his hand white, Liam’s name echoing in the room as he kept thrusting into Zayn, rolling his hips as he slowly milked the boy’s orgasm out of him.

Liam was completely entranced by the way Zayn’s mouth curled into a sated smile, his face so serene yet erotic as he panted out desperately for Liam, fingers clawing at his arms, mirroring the paint splatters.

“Wanna feel you come inside me,” moaned out Zayn as he finally opened his eyes, looking up at Liam through long lashes with a devilish smile. “Mark me up daddy, please. Please fuck me daddy.”

Liam lost it at Zayn’s unexpected words, hips catching as he came in uneven strokes, leaning in to capture the boy’s mouth, biting at his lips because he suddenly felt so possessive, and yet protective. He felt as though he was marking Zayn for a new beginning, marking him as his for the rest of the world to know. And even if the _daddy_ thing should have thrown him off, it didn’t. On the contrary it made him come ten times harder and his mind flashed through the events of their first time together, knocking through the hallway on unsteady feet.

It was as if they had come full circle, Liam’s thrust starting to ease as Zayn’s whimpers died out on his tongue, the boy’s slack mouth sliding along his neck.

“You’re everything,” Zayn finally whispered when Liam pulled out, bringing his come stained hand to his mouth, licking it clean as he intently stared into Liam’s eyes.

“Only you can do this to me Liam,” Zayn said again, kissing him with fever, the taste of the boy’s come bitter on his tongue and yet so addictive.

Lost for words, Liam only nodded when Zayn finally pulled away, wrapping his arms around the boy’s waist so he could drag him over his chest, settling peacefully as they both tried to breath normally. They probably looked like an utter mess, bodies splattered in paint, come stained and sweaty but Liam felt calm for the first time in weeks. His heart was racing but it was from the good kind of stress, the kind that left you sated and smiling like an idiot.

Turning his head down, he pressed a gentle kiss into Zayn’s hair, soothed by the boy’s familiar scent.

“Thank you,” he managed to say as he pressed his hand to the Zayn’s lower back, bringing them more tightly together. He felt the boy stir in his arms until he settled more comfortably, looking up at Liam from where his head was cushioned to his chest.

“Any time you need a reminder,” Zayn said, eyes filled with emotion as he tapped a finger over Liam’s heart. “I’ll be right there to show you”.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is basically the last chapter, the next will be the Epilogue. I want to thank you all for supporting me through this, and I am so amazed at the amount of people that have read my story. 
> 
> Thank you so much and please come and tell me one more time how you feel about this chapter.

“Stupid fucking mutant ducks,” muttered Liam as he twisted the cap of his water bottle open, the refrigerator door slamming shut behind him as Zayn looked up from his work that was spread all over the breakfast table, a wide smile plastered to his face.

“It should appeal to the geek in you,” Zayn tried to argue, his words muffled with laughter as he turned his head away, burring his face in his own shoulder because he knew just how frustrated Liam was with this story.

He had spent the last few days complaining about the plot, the lack of originality but mostly his incapacity to tell the writer that this book was complete shit.

Sighing, Liam took a step forth, pressing a gentle kiss to the back of Zayn’s neck before rubbing at the boy’s lithe shoulders. “Its a damn rip off from the Ninja Turtles and you know it.”

 Humming in agreement, Zayn leaned into Liam’s hand now running circle down his back. The boy’s mouth opened a little from the touch as he sighed happily, small fingers suddenly clutching desperately around his calligraphy pen.

“You should just tell the guy its shit,” Zayn managed to choke out, obviously distracted by Liam’s touch, his voice cracking but with a pleasurable note to it.

“I guess so,” Liam shrugged non-committed, taking another swing from his water bottle before whipping at his brow with the back of his hand. “Niall’s plane still landing this afternoon?”

The minute the words left his mouth, Liam felt the tension invade Zayn’s body. It was obvious from the way the boy’s back straightened as he shifted in his seat, further from Liam and closer to the table.

“I suppose so,” mumbled Zayn as he started tracing a line in his panel again and again, a nervous gesture Liam had noticed the boy often did when he felt cornered. It’s something that usually happened when they talked about the boy’s father, about the possibility of Zayn talking to him again. It had Liam acting all protective usually, needing to keep Zayn safe and away from anything that could cause his harm but in this situation it left Liam quite confused. But he was unwilling to press the issue, knowing Niall’s impending return was a topic they had both been avoiding. So Liam only nodded, pointing towards the hallway as he backed away from Zayn.

“Gonna go for a shower and then get some work done,” he responded, but Zayn was already turned back towards his art, pretending to ignore Liam’s words but the tension in the boy’s shoulders remained.

It killed Liam to have to do this, to leave Zayn obviously struggling with things but over the last few weeks he’d grown accustomed to this. The entire point of their brief separation had been for Zayn to grow into his own person, and that wouldn’t keep happening if Liam kept trying to protect him, if he kept trying to fight the boy’s battles for him.

Zayn had to figure out his own intentions and desires, not only in relation to Liam but to the entirety of his life. Being so young and out of school was already a pressuring factor, something Liam knew nothing about and couldn’t offer much help on. Having a job and deadlines to follow was another factor, something Liam could in fact help with. However, Niall’s return was not something Liam could choose for Zayn, he had to do it on his own. But Zayn seemed to ignore the idea, taking everything in stride lately as he chose to avoid the issue behind blossoming smiles every morning. He kept insisting to do mundane chores, like cooking breakfast and seeing Liam off to work before settling into his own routine. It was a quick distraction from the issue at hand, something Liam probably should have addressed but didn’t.

Climbing the stairs hastily, Liam entered the bathroom, starting the shower quickly as he stripped, trying to ignore the way his mind kept throwing things at him. Ever since they had learned that Niall was finally coming back, Zayn had refused to discuss what would happen. It’s like the boy lived in a constant state of denial, going about his life like Niall’s return wasn’t a complicating factor.

But Liam knew that Zayn could only hide for so long, that their living arrangements would surely be disturbed since Zayn was still under Niall’s parental authority even though he was now 18. It was evident Zayn say the Irishman as a father figure, respected him greatly and even loved him. 

Yet the idea of living separate from Zayn was almost unthinking to Liam. Most days, his house only felt like a home because Zayn was present in every part of it. It was the second toothbrush in the bathroom, the charcoal prints over the walls. It was the dirty dishes on the counter and never in the sink. It was the pen marks all over the furniture that drove Liam mad and the t-shirts he never found until Zayn stumbled out of bed, tired eyes still half closed, floating in the stretched out material. It was Zayn’s presence that gave the house its purpose, without him it was just barren walls to contain Liam’s solitude.

With Niall’s return however, all that would probably cease and Liam thought it was important for them to discuss it. He figured they could maybe have schedules, Liam dropping by Zayn’s flat a few times a week, and Zayn sleeping over on weekends or something. But the boy ignored any question about Niall’s return, his young age and lack of maturity peaking through, but Liam figured he could let it go this time considering just how bad he too was struggling with the idea.

But now that dooms day was upon them, Liam knew they had pushed back the conversation as long as they could. He didn’t want to lose Zayn over a technicality, over something as stupid as sleeping arrangements, so he was prepared to let the boy go, if only against a promise to return. Quite the contrary though, Zayn seemed to be settling in quite comfortably with no obvious intention to leave.

 During the last month since their rooftop date, Zayn had managed to set up his own official work space in Liam’s study, filling the room with various art tables and supplies as he spread out all over the house. There were storyboards lying in every room, failed panels accumulating in the trash by the garage and broken pens all over the counter. Even Loki had grown accustomed to the smell of felt markers, settling next to the boy with ease as Zayn drew into the night, running his fingers through the little dog’s short fur when his ideas ran quicker than his art.

Turning off the shower, Liam stepped out, shoulders hunched as he dried himself off, trying to concentrate on something else then Niall’s impending return. He had plenty of issues at work that could occupy his mind rather than Zayn’s upcoming departure, a book about stupid mutant ducks being one.

Dressing in a pair of old joggers, Liam shuffled into an old wrinkled shirt as he padded down the corridor to his office, his feet making soft sounds against the plush carpet.

 Rubbing at his eyes, he tried to shake the headache that had grown heavy through his morning workout, his mind unable to stop thinking with every single thing being thrown at him simultaneously. He needed to focus on work a little, forget about the possibility of Zayn’s absence to allow his heart some rest.

Pushing the door to his study open, Liam stopped rubbing his eyes, mouth falling agape at the unexpected sight before him. Zayn was naked. Completely, utterly, beautifully naked, sprawled out over the top of his cherry wood desk, legs spread wide with his skins flushed, a sheer pink tint from the heat. He looked completely delicious, an offering for Liam’s eyes only as the boy slowly worked two fingers inside of himself, moaning shamelessly, his head thrown back in ecstasy.

Liam barely managed to stumble through the door, his feet suddenly heavy as they dragged across the floor. His poor attempt at movement seemed to capture Zayn’s attention, the boy’s eyes opened quickly as they fell upon Liam in an unfocused daze.

“Took you long enough,” Zayn half moaned, his fingers never slowing as he eyed Liam, the tip of his tongue coming out to wet his already swollen lips. “What are you waiting for babe? Do you need instructions?”

“Just admiring the view,” Liam managed to utter, his voice an octave lower than usual, resonating in the room as the air around him seem to thicken. “You’re quite insatiable lately.”

Zayn grunted loudly in response, nodding his head desperately as his eyes closed again, but his fingers kept moving, his hips now grinding into his own hand.

“Figured out there was nothing to be ashamed of,” the boy muttered lowly, almost a whispered that was enveloped by his own moan. “Can’t stop wanting you, fucking need you so much.”

“Looks like you’re doing pretty good on your own,” replied Liam, yet stripping off his shirt slowly, advancing towards Zayn until he stood at the edge of his desk, right in between Zayn open legs.

As if the boy could feel his presence, his amber chocolate eyes snapped opened again, falling on Liam’s naked chest with hunger.

“I have to entertain myself since you work so much,” Zayn said, his voice a little unsteady as his movements seemed to linger, his other hand coming to tweak his nipple, as his eyes moved up to meet Liam’s own.

For a second, Liam’s mind went spinning, imagining Zayn just like this, naked and pleasuring himself on his desk while he was away at work, or in boring meetings with stupid editors that wanted nothing more but to rake in money.

 _Wasted time_ , he thought to himself, wrapping both hands around Zayn’s thin ankles, spreading the boy’s legs even further apart so he could watch him hungrily. He half expected Zayn to shy away, to give him a timid smile and knock his knees together but quite the contrary, the boy’s legs fell open, giving Liam all the access he could ever want.

But rather than move in, touch Zayn all over, make him shiver with every flick of his finger, Liam took a step back, rolling his office chair until he could sit with the perfect view of Zayn’s ass lifting off the desk. He settled in, spreading his own legs wide, hand rubbing over his hard on without much purpose. 

“Show me what you do then,” Liam said, his voice slow because he wasn’t exactly sure if Zayn was going to be into this. Never before had the boy been so open and willing, it was a new side of Zayn that Liam already loved, the confidence and strength radiating from his body just as beautiful as his golden, sweat slicked skin.

Suddenly, Zayn’s fingers withdrew from himself, the boy’s entire body going still and Liam thought for sure he had said the wrong thing, pushed a little too far. But just as he was about to apologize, Zayn managed to sit up, eyes glowing with a new intensity as he bit his bottom lip seductively.

“I could do that,” the boy started, shifting so his feet hung loose off the side of the desk before jumping off, walking towards Liam with an excessive sway to his hip. “Or I could get my fill of your body while you’re not working.”

“I don’t work that much,” Liam tried to argue but he was silenced with plush lips upon his own, Zayn’s legs coming to straddle him. In seconds there were small fingers gripping his hair, pulling at the brown strands as the kiss intensified, Zayn’s hard dick now pressing into Liam’s abdomen as the boy rolled his hip, leaving a trail of pre-come over his skin.

“Too much,” groaned Zayn against Liam’s lips, biting down on the bottom one before pushing his tongue into Liam’s mouth, making the older man moan. It was so easy to get lost in Zayn’s need, to wound his arm around the boy’s waist and rut against him but Liam wanted Zayn to control things, wanted to see where the boy would go with this.

And in fact Zayn took over with ease, moving against Liam with purpose, working his hands all over Liam’s chest, before pushing down the older man’s joggers.

“You know what my biggest problem is lately,” Zayn asked Liam as he started nipping at Liam’s neck, suckling bite marks, lingering all along his shoulder line.

Trying not to gasp, the touch of the boy’s lips sending rays of pleasure through his body, Liam grunted an unintelligible answer, a little too preoccupied with the way Zayn’s hand started wrapping itself around his dick.

“Can’t figure out if I want to suck you off, or fuck myself on your dick,” Zayn said with a laughed, pulling away so their eyes could meet.

Liam couldn’t help but marvel at the utter beauty before him, Zayn’s skin all but glowing with sweat, his lips turned into a wide smile as he leaned in once more, licking a long strip up Liam’s neck. The dirty works clashing in Liam’s mind.

“I’m good with whatever you choose babe,” Liam replied, running his hands along the boy’s back until he could cup his ass, helping Zayn roll into him as he ghosted a finger along the boy’s already stretched hole. “But I mean, you already got yourself ready for me, it would be a shame not to take advantage of that, huh?”

For a second Zayn seemed to go into submissive mode, his head ducking as he whined into Liam’s neck, his hips moving back so he could push Liam’s finger against his hole. The boy’s arms went slack around Liam’s neck, his small body slumping into Liam as he heaved Zayn up, managing a hold around the boy’s thighs before standing.

Zayn let out a surprised yelp as he was moved, his naked back touching the cold wood surface of the desk once more. Liam immediately followed, kneeling on the desk so his larger body could hover just above Zayn’s.

“Miss you when you’re gone,” the boy whispered, but the words were followed with a passionate kiss, one that had Liam’s mind slipping out of rationality.

“The lube is in the first drawer,” grunted the boy, when Liam pushed a finger inside him teasingly, hips lifting off the desk in acceptance.

“You’re hiding lube in my desk now,” growled Liam, smacking a light hand along Zayn’s thigh.

“You’re lucky I’m completely gone for you, or I’d have to punish you,” Liam continued, reaching for the lube and making quick work of it over his hardened dick, before pressing himself to Zayn’s hole, breaking the boy’s entrance without fault.

“Punish me later,” moaned Zayn as he rocked into the touch, all but begging for Liam to fuck him.

Taking his time, enjoying the way Zayn withered beneath him, Liam wrapped a hand around the boy’s length, stroking him a few times, captivated with every twitch of his boyfriend’s body.

Yet Liam’s own body craved release as he started grinding into Zayn, every trust more powerful than the next. The sound of the heavy wood scraping across the floor with every powerful thrust was almost deafening, but Liam couldn’t concentrate on anything but Zayn’s face. The boy’s lip caught between his teeth as his brow furrowed, eyes closed as he moaned again and again.

He could feel Zayn’s finger nails scraping marks down his back, hot breath fanning over his neck, as he kept thrusting into Zayn, leaning down to kiss his lips, coaxing the boy’s tongue out to tease him.

And Zayn who was usually quite shy with the sounds he made while they had sex, was all out today, voice clear and unforgiving as he grunted with every thrust, a high pitch whined escaping the boy every time Liam twisted his hips just right, no doubt hitting the boy’s prostate.

“Touch me,” growled Zayn, when Liam skimmed his hand teasingly down the boy’s ribs and thighs, never touching his throbbing dick because he was started to love this demanding, self-assured Zayn and he wanted to hear more tumble out of the boy’s sinful mouth.

Listening automatically, Liam wrapped his hand around Zayn’s length, tugging at it with purpose, matching the rhythm his own hips settled into as he too started to pant, admiring the blush spread across his Zayn’s body.

“So close, don’t stop Liam, please,” panted Zayn, adding his own hand to cover Liam as they both stroked him, Liam only half-heartedly as he admired the boy’s resolution, his hips stuttering with his own need.

He felt Zayn’s orgasm more than he saw it, the boy clenching around his dick as Liam pushed further inside of him. Liam deepened his every thrust, loving how Zayn muffled a whine into his neck just before sharp teeth plunged into his shoulder.

He could feel Zayn’s hand tighten around his own as they both milked the boy’s orgasm, Zayn free hand clasped tightly around Liam’s hip as if grounding him, keeping them together, so trusting and yet demanding.

And just as Zayn’s body seemed to loosen, his hold around Liam’s hand falling away as he whimpered with every stroke, Liam felt his own climax approaching, dragging him into a silent, pleasurable abyss as he captured Zayn’s mouth into a searing kiss.

They fumbled through it, Liam gasping as he came apart slowly, teeth clashing together in what should have been a horrible kiss and yet it wasn’t. It was just like everything else with Zayn, completely unthinkable and yet addictive.

When Liam finally felt whole again, his brain no longer swimming with pleasure, he pulled out of Zayn slowly, capturing the boy’s whine on his tongue with another sloppy kiss.

Somehow, Liam managed to crowd Zayn onto his side until he could slip underneath him, crowding the boy over his chest so they could both settle on the desk, legs bent at awkward angles or falling off the side of the cherry wood.

“Where did that come from?,” Liam finally panted, his vision still hazy as he looked down at a grinning Zayn, small fingers drawing tight circles upon his dirty stomach.

“A place deep down, that I buried for too long,” Zayn replied without a hint of hesitation, his eyes closing as his long lashes casted beautiful shadows upon his cheeks.

Uncertain how to respond, yet utterly proud of Zayn, Liam opted for a kiss pressed to the boy’s forehead, an acknowledgement of his boy’s progression.

A comfortable silence settled around them as Zayn’s fingers slowly ceased their ministration, Liam observing the boy’s feature loosen as if he was falling asleep. He knew he should probably move them to the bed, his back already aching under the hard wood of his desk but he couldn’t be bothered to move, his own eyes shutting from exhaustion.

But just as he was about to slip into darkness, he felt Zayn’s fingers dance along his shoulder once more.

He hummed out a response, his eyes refusing to open even as Zayn kissed his way up Liam’s neck.

“I’ve been thinking about something,” started the boy, lips hovering above Liam’s ear as he spoke softly.

“And what’s that?” Liam asked, tightening his hold on Zayn’s waist as he rolled over slightly, facing Zayn even if his own eyes were still closed.

He felt a delicate hand settle upon his cheek, gentle fingers tracing his features and he smiled against the touch of smooth skin against his lips.

“I want to stay with you,” Zayn said, his voice suddenly loud, confident.

“Its not like I was going to kick you out of the house to work on the stupid mutant ducks,” laughed Liam blindly but his eyes opened when there was no response, falling on Zayn’s head cast down and pensive.

“What’s wrong, love?” Liam demanded a little worried as he reached out to tip Zayn’s head up.

“I didn’t mean today,” Zayn finally responded, looking directly at Liam, not an ounce of reluctance in his face. “I mean even after Niall comes back, I want to stay here. With you.”

“Do you really think that’s best?”

Zayn seemed taken aback by the question, his face shifting into an unpleasant grimace before he looked up at Liam once more. “You don’t?”

Sighing, Liam ran his fingers through Zayn’s hair, trying to soothe the boy, but also the rapid acceleration of his own heart. “That’s not it. I just want to do what’s best for you and Niall is still your guardian.”

“He is,” Zayn agreed, pushing himself up so he could lean on his elbow, looking down at Liam’s with wide eyes. “But I’ve grown a lot in the past few weeks, even without Niall here. I’ve never felt more confident and honest with myself and I really think the best thing for me is to stay right here with you. I can work from here, get all the inspiration and help I need from you, and at night I can cuddle with you and Loki, smile through every day and whine about doing the dishing. My sisters love you, so does my mother, she can barely believe the person I’ve become. She cries on the phone a lot you know, keeps telling him how proud of me she is, how you’re a god given gift.”

Swallowing around the sudden lump in his throat, Liam sighed heavily, eyes drooping slowly as he leaned in to kiss Zayn’s lips, too many words and emotions resonating in his mind.

“We’ll figure something out,” he promised, an uncertainty evident in his voice as he closed his eyes, cuddling into Zayn’s side.

He felt Zayn smile against his shoulder however, so self assured and lovely as the boy repeated. “I’m staying here with you, and there’s nothing you can do about it.”

Grunting in acknowledgement, Liam let it go, because deep down, he wanted nothing more than for Zayn to stay forever. In the end, the boy was worth more than any bet Liam could have ever made. Sometimes you gamble and you lose, Liam thought as Zayn pressed another slow kiss to his lips. But sometimes, you definitely win.  

_He had definitely won._


	18. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the end, I hope you guys enjoy it and had as much fun reading this fic as I did writing it.  
> Thank you so much for all the love and support :)

Liam sat at the back of a crowded ballroom as classical music played softly in the background. He sipped at his whiskey, twirling the amber liquid in the crystal glass as he looked around the room, another posh night filled with people he didn’t quite understand.

As always however, he fit right in, his Burberry suit pressed to perfect standards, his tie only slightly undone as his eyes lingered on the crowd before him, gossip ruffling the air. Smiling to himself, Liam finished off his glass, settling goofily into his tipsy buzz as he watched the waitress fumbling to bring him another drink.

The staff seemed very ardent on pleasing him tonight, even though he was far from the prime event of the night. No, quite the contrary, the man of the evening stood a few feet away from him, enveloped in heated conversation with different authors and graphic designers, all desperate for his attention.

Standing a little under six foot tall, the man look stunning in his black Armani suit with satin accents, captivating the entire room, Liam included. There was a quiet dichotomy between the chiseled jaw peppered with stubble and the soft fringe falling upon the man’s face, a glint of a silver ring through his ear a distraction to his beauty.

His white button-down shirt was left open, contrary once again to the sleek look, showing off red tattooed lips between angel wings, a brief summary of the ink that covered the man’s body. A body Liam knew all too well, every piece of art a memory he could distinctly recall.

Abandoning his empty drink on the cluttered table, Liam made his way towards the man, smiling at the people that offered him praise as he went but his focused stayed solely on his target. His heart started beating faster as he approached, the familiar voice he could now hear leaving him a little breathless, reminders of fast sultry moans from hours ago still resonating in his mind.

“May I have this dance?” Liam whispered, amused at the apparent shiver that ran through the man’s body before he finally turned in Liam’s direction.

“Since when do you even ask,” Zayn laughed, nodding politely to the people with who he’d been talking with before accepting Liam’s hand, following him closely onto the dance floor.

In that moment, the evolution from the boy he’d fallen for, to the man that stood before him, strong arms wrapped around his waist as they swayed to the music was obvious. Four years ago when they’d met, Zayn had been a shy boy with uncertain ideologies, his fears preventing his true talent to shine through. Now he stood a proud man with two successful graphic novel series and endless artists dying to work with him. And yet that wasn’t what made Liam the proudest.

The fact he could now stand in a room filled with his colleagues, arm wrapped around his boyfriend who wore the biggest smile was Liam’s proudest achievement. The change that had occurred in Zayn through the last years, the evolution in characters and morals, the confidence blooming was what Liam lived for. He didn’t even care that his presence had become secondary to people, Zayn usually the focus when they walked into the room because that only meant that Liam had done right by the boy, professionally and personally. The renowned artist Zayn had become was only a mere part of the man he had grown to be however.

“Are you having fun?” Liam asked as he pressed a delicate kiss to the man’s forehead, loving the fact that Zayn still blushed under the touch even after four years.

Shrugging, Liam heard the little sigh Zayn let out before burying his face in Liam’s neck, arms wrapped tightly around his waist as he kept swaying to the music.

“Not exactly what I planned for my 21st birthday party,” mumbled Zayn after a few seconds, pulling away to look up at Liam, eyes sparkling with filthy demands. “But I appreciate everyone’s presence. My mom is loving the attention.”

Laughing in agreement, Liam looked over Zayn’s shoulder to where the boy’s mother sat, surrounded by various authors and artists, all probably praising her son’s latest work. Not far behind her was Zayn’s sisters, all grown up now, sporting ballroom gowns to honor their brother’s work.

There was an empty seat at the end of the table, a reserved place for the boy’s father, but neither of them had really expected Yaser to show up, his acceptance of the situation only starting to evolve. It had taken almost two years for the man to show any type of understanding to his son’s sexuality, but the progress was slow, Zayn sometimes struggling through it but obviously pleased that he was once again talking to his father.

Liam on the other hand had stayed quite reluctant of the situation, giving Mr. Malik a fair warning that any harm down towards Zayn would not be tolerated, a remark the man had accepted with his head bowed as if in shame.

“If you’ve had enough, I have other plans,” Liam remarked casually, pulling away to spin Zayn around before cradling him in his arms once more, humming to the music as he smirked down at Zayn.

“Definitely ready to go,” moaned Zayn when Liam pressed a hand to the bottom of his back, bringing their hips together to show the younger man just how eager he was to get out of here.

“I’ll go get your coat while you say your goodbyes,” Liam said before leaning in, kissing Zayn gently before pulling away.

Zayn seemed to have a different idea in mind however, fingers delving into Liam’s gel slicked hair, holding him close as he kissed Liam again, hungry and a little desperate this time. The younger man only pulled away, breaking the deep kiss when there were some catcalls resonating through the room, laughter and applauses framing them in as Liam stumbled to regain his composure.

“Show off,” he muttered, cheeks flushing red as he smiled admiringly at Zayn, still getting use to being the eye candy that people admired on Zayn’s arm.

“You love every minute,” Zayn laughed, thumb swiping over Liam’s swollen bottom lip before winking at the older man, stepping out of his embrace to walk towards his mother.

And Liam couldn’t help but stand there a little awestruck, watching Zayn walk away with all the confidence in the world, a cocky grin on his face when the younger man looked over his shoulder and winked at Liam again.

Liam never thought his love for Zayn, the timid boy he’d been four years ago, hiding behind his oversized glasses, could get any deeper and yet Zayn proved him wrong every single day.

Liam woke every morning to Zayn’s sleeping form curled around him, his own heart swelling with love and admiration. Every day he fell a little deeper, loved a little stronger and went to bed feeling complete and whole, as if things were meant to be.

So now, as he stood in a room of people that desperately admired the man Zayn had become, Liam’s love for the boy reached a new level, one of pure undivided passion and respect.

Once Zayn reached his family, immediately being swallowed by a wave of hugs, Liam turned towards the exit, asking the valet for his car as well as stopping by the coat check for their things. Within minutes Zayn was at his side, Liam helping the man to slip into his long black trench coat, marveling at how well the expensive material molded itself to Zayn’s body. .

“Mom says thank you for the amazing night. She’ll be over tomorrow with my sisters, for the family gathering with all my aunts,” Zayn whispered into Liam’s neck when the older man pretended to arrange Zayn’s collar, fingers lingering along the smooth skin he wanted to kiss and explore.

“Can’t wait,” Liam replied, stepping away to fix the button of Zayn coat, the younger man not even bothering to argue, smiling widely at Liam as if this was his 6th birthday and not his 21st.

“But tonight is just you and me,” Liam finished as he stepped away, taking Zayn’s hand as he walked towards the car, the man’s face shifted into something Liam hadn’t seen in a while; a blushing submissive smile.

“My favourite,” conceded Zayn as he stepped out into the cold winter air, quickly making his way towards the car and settling in to the passenger seat as Liam went around to the driver’s side, taking his own seat.

“Still can’t believe you won’t let me get you anything,” whined Liam after a few minutes, watching the road carefully.

“I don’t need anything,” Zayn admitted, his voice small and almost fragile as his small fingers ghosted across Liam’s own on the shift stick. “I’ve got everything I need.”

Grinning to himself, the engine of the car purring loudly, they both stayed silent, Liam stayed silent, no words needed to express the fact that he felt the same, but possibilities bloomed in his mind. After a beat of silence, Zayn started humming to himself, a familiar sound that comforted Liam and remembered him of home, making him smile even wider as he wrapped a hand around the younger man’s thigh.

“Hopefully, you’ll be louder later,” Liam said mischievously, looking over at Zayn to see the man’s face quickly burn red in embarrassment, and Liam just loved that about him; because no matter how self-assured Zayn had gotten, no matter how many people he now commanded, behind closed doors he still remained the same beautiful, timid boy with shy smiles and a filthy mind he’d been years ago. 

***************************

“How about you get changed while I set up,” Liam whispered in between kisses, lips still seeking Zayn’s own until the man pulled away, smiling brightly in anticipation.

The minute the boy was out of the room, Loki tight on his heels, Liam was moving around the house, setting everything up perfectly even though he knew it was completely cheesy.

Once Zayn stepped through the door of the kitchen once more, wearing nothing but a pair of tight boxer briefs and an overstretched t-shirt, showing off all the ink hidden under, Liam stepped out of his own suit. He played it off a little like it was part of the night, eyes never wavering from Zayn’s own as the other man sat on the counter, observing hungrily as Liam stripped.

When he was down to his own boxers and wife beater, Liam moved in between Zayn’s legs, fingers lingering along the man’s jaw.

“Happy Birthday, love,” Liam added as he traced Zayn’s features with the tip of his finger, tapping the big, dark frames that Zayn had taken to only wearing in their home, preferring contacts while in public. Yet Liam loved when Zayn wore them, reminding him of the innocence they once hide.

“What’s on the menu then?” Zayn asked, wrapping both arms around Liam neck, ankles locking at the back of the older man’s thighs as Liam lifted Zayn off the counter, pleased that he could still do that.

Rather than answer, Liam attached his lips to Zayn’s neck, sucking and kissing until the man was moaning in his arms as Liam blindly carried him towards the living room, knowing the layout of their home like the back of his hand. 

Dropping Zayn unceremoniously on the couch, Liam crawled over him, sitting next to the younger man as he watched Zayn’s wide grin grow even wider.

“You’re such a freaking dork,” mumbled Zayn, but it was obvious by the tremble in his voice and the way he smoothed his finger over the four different boxes of pizza, and four different boxes cakes that he was getting emotional.

Candles flickered over the entertainment unit, glowing softly against the rose petals that were thrown lazily all over the carpet. Flicking the TV on, Liam started the DVD, watching Zayn’s face as Iron Man started playing.

“You really are the biggest nerd,” uttered Zayn, his voice suddenly so small as he buried his face in Liam’s neck, hands caught in the material of his wife beater. “I’m so in love with you.”

“Me too,” Liam assured, but couldn’t help his smile, knowing exactly just how much the reminders of their past meant to Zayn; knowing that the small things and their stupid habits meant more to the boy than any gift or party in the world.

Regaining some sort of control, Zayn pulled away, kissing Liam’s lips clumsily before reaching for a piece of pizza, frowning to himself as he started opening every box.

“These are all four cheeses,” Zayn said, but it sounded more like a question than a fact.

Nodding, Liam stayed silent, watching as the other man reached for the boxes which held the cakes, opening each one up slowly before turning towards him with a frown.

“These are all exactly the same,” stated Zayn, watching Liam attentively as he traced random patterns on the younger man’s naked thigh. “Where’s the variety. You always like variety.”

And Liam probably shouldn’t have laughed but the look of utter confusion on Zayn’s face was too cute for him not to. Pushing himself up a little, fingers intertwining with Zayn’s as he kissed the top of the man’s hand, Liam smiled up at the boy, easing his fringe away from his eyes.

“I don’t need variety anymore,” he breathed, leaning in so he could ghost his lips over Zayn’s, yet never properly kissing him. “I know exactly what I want now.”

“You hate four cheese pizza,” replied Zayn, wrinkling his nose as he bite at his bottom lip, knowing perfectly well that Liam wasn’t talking about food.

Rolling his eyes, Liam leaned further in, allowing his lips to gently press against Zayn’s own before pulling away, the touch leaving his skin buzzing with a light tingle.

“But I love you,” he said simply, reaching down to bring Zayn’s left hand up to his mouth, distinctly spreading the man’s fingers so he could kiss Zayn’s ring finger.

Granting his lips the pleasure of touching Zayn’s skin, Liam lingered, lips brushing along the smooth skin of Zayn’s finger as he watched the boy’s face change, realization finally hitting him. The younger man’s entire body shook, his breath hitching as his eyes widen, obviously speechless. The sight had Liam smirking to himself, sitting back into his seat as he waited for an answer, the blood in his veins rushing in anticipation.

“You’re kidding,” whispered Zayn, hand suddenly starting to tremble under Liam’s touch, but it didn’t stop the younger man from moving, crawly slowly into Liam’s lap. “Don’t fuck with me on this Liam.”

“I wouldn’t,” Liam assured, allowing his hands to run up and down Zayn’s back, still nervous as he awaited an answer. He’d been indecisive as to whether the question was appropriate, as to whether Zayn was indeed ready for such a thing. Yet throughout the evening, Liam found himself unable to think of anything else, desperately wanting to add a ring to Zayn’s already jewelled hand.

He’d spent the last four years waiting for the right time, knowing perfectly well from the minute Zayn refused to leave his house when Niall returned from Ireland that the boy would be his future. And now here they sat on the boy’s 21st birthday, a stepping stone in their story as Liam awaited an answer, chest tight as Zayn stayed quiet.

“You’re such an idiot,” Zayn finally mumbled, head cast down as his eyes seemed to amble along Liam’s body, fingers now tightly fisted in the material of Liam’s wife beater.

Uncertain as to what that meant, Liam opened his mouth, trying to find the words to inquire Zayn’s response but he was cut off by plush lips attacking his mouth, his shirt being stripped from his body. He heard the material tearing as it was thrown across the room but paid no attention to it, lost in the intimacy and emotion Zayn poured into the kiss, as if he was revealing years of pent up emotion.

Just as Liam was about to pull away to try and soothe Zayn, the boy’s kiss turned delicate, small presses of his lips on Liam’s own until it was nothing but a brush of mouths one against the other.

And then Liam felt it, Zayn’s strong fingers digging into his chest softening as the man’s hand came to hover over Liam’s heart, the pad of the younger man’s fingers tracing a very definite _yes_ into Liam’s skin.

The words stood burning upon Liam’s chest, a reminder of Zayn’s first love confession.

Smiling, his heart now hammering, Liam pulled away, cupping Zayn’s face with both his hands and forcing their eyes to meet.

“A million times yes,” Zayn finally said, and it’s all Liam needed to know that he’d finally beat the odds; he’d finally found his happily ever after.


End file.
